Where Mindset and Body Awareness Intersect with Ms. Tonya

Transcript

WEBVTT

00:00:00.960 --> 00:00:10.875
The views expressed in this podcast are solely those of the podcast host and guest and do not necessarily represent those of our distribution partners, supporting business relationships or supported audience.

00:00:10.875 --> 00:00:35.295
Welcome to Transacting Value, where we talk about practical applications for instigating self-worth when dealing with each other and even within ourselves, when we foster a podcast listening experience that lets you hear the power of a value system for managing burnout, establishing boundaries, fostering community and finding identity.

00:00:35.295 --> 00:00:40.768
My name is Josh Porthouse, I'm your host and we are redefining sovereignty of character.

00:00:40.768 --> 00:00:43.087
This is why values still hold value.

00:00:43.087 --> 00:00:45.527
This is Transacting Value.

00:00:47.521 --> 00:00:58.231
I feel like self-awareness is the key for everybody in this technology age, because we get influenced by so many other things we don't even understand ourselves.

00:00:59.960 --> 00:01:01.023
Today on Transacting Value.

00:01:01.023 --> 00:01:13.126
What do you do as a leader in any profession when you have to work with men and women, and the ideal answer is treat them equally, give them both the same opportunities, afford respect to everybody in the workplace.

00:01:13.126 --> 00:01:23.825
But what happens when that accounts for things you just don't know, for example, a menstrual cycle, or what that has to do with somebody's productivity and maybe even energy level?

00:01:23.825 --> 00:01:25.906
Today's conversation we're talking with Ms.

00:01:25.906 --> 00:01:30.671
Tonya all about what that looks like as a mindset coach for women.

00:01:30.671 --> 00:01:34.775
So, without further ado, I'm Porter, I'm your host and this is Transacting Value.

00:01:34.775 --> 00:01:36.055
Tonya, how are you doing?

00:01:36.615 --> 00:01:36.977
Great.

00:01:36.977 --> 00:01:37.796
How are you, Josh?

00:01:39.381 --> 00:01:39.760
I'm doing great.

00:01:39.760 --> 00:01:56.106
I think this is going to be a really exciting conversation, especially because I have no idea half of these topics, let alone what to do with them, about them in spite of them, and so before we get to all of those things, let's just start at the beginning.

00:01:56.106 --> 00:02:01.740
For everybody who's new to the show and obviously anybody who can't see you who are you, where are you from?

00:02:01.740 --> 00:02:03.709
What sort of things have shaped your perspective?

00:02:04.379 --> 00:02:05.102
Hey everyone.

00:02:05.102 --> 00:02:05.683
So I'm Ms.

00:02:05.683 --> 00:02:06.084
Tonya.

00:02:06.084 --> 00:02:19.266
I'm originally from Florida but I live here now in New York City and I'm a women's career and life mindset coach, using menstrual cycle planning to help women boost their productivity and gain a work-life balance.

00:02:19.266 --> 00:02:22.659
I didn't come into this just off the bat.

00:02:22.659 --> 00:02:27.169
I feel like this is something that was called to me because, like, who gets into period stuff?

00:02:27.169 --> 00:02:31.080
Like that's just weird, right, it's just not normal, you know.

00:02:31.421 --> 00:02:53.562
And I also worked in the film and TV industry and I had the fortunate privilege of being on a movie set called Periodical, which was picked up by MSNBC and this was a documentary about women and their periods around the world, and I was already in the position of being a mindset coach and I was like man, how can I really help women?

00:02:53.562 --> 00:03:00.884
I was feeling stuck, like I really wasn't, I really wasn't making that impact that I wanted to, and this opportunity came.

00:03:00.884 --> 00:03:03.789
So I'm on set and I'm listening to Dr.

00:03:03.789 --> 00:03:18.091
Christine Metz talk about the power of menstrual blood in a way that I've just never heard before and we've been just so stigmatized when it comes to our menstruation and it's so taboo and people don't want to talk about it.

00:03:18.091 --> 00:03:25.834
But when she mentioned that stem cells were found in menstrual blood, you know, which is used to cure cancer.

00:03:25.834 --> 00:03:35.907
Yeah, I was like, oh, it's like, are we talking about this like period power, and like that's where it came in.

00:03:36.341 --> 00:03:44.906
And I went and got my certification in women's hormonal health and, oh my gosh, like just it was such an eye opener and I was like you know what?

00:03:44.906 --> 00:04:04.106
And I developed a framework I call it my Divine Triangle Strategy, where we incorporate mindset work along with body awareness, which has to do with the menstrual cycle, and also, you know the spirit side, your purpose, your values, you know what drives you, and that's the complete, whole approach and that's how I got into it.

00:04:04.106 --> 00:04:11.165
To be honest with you, it was just that little intent, you know, to want to help women more, and it naturally came.

00:04:11.608 --> 00:04:11.848
Why?

00:04:11.848 --> 00:04:14.384
What was the initial driver?

00:04:14.384 --> 00:04:16.490
I mean the movie set, but so what?

00:04:16.490 --> 00:04:17.745
I mean, what brought you to that?

00:04:19.161 --> 00:04:22.872
Oh, I was a production assistant on the set and they needed someone last minute.

00:04:22.872 --> 00:04:27.663
So that's what happened and I got a call from the production coordinator.

00:04:27.663 --> 00:04:29.790
She was like hey, we need a PA last minute.

00:04:29.790 --> 00:04:30.471
Can you show up?

00:04:30.471 --> 00:04:39.862
I was like sure, and I didn't even know like what it was about until I think they sent me the call sheet like so late.

00:04:39.862 --> 00:04:43.824
I was just like oh, ok, I think it was like 12:30 in the morning.

00:04:43.824 --> 00:04:46.586
I was like OK, let's see what this is about.

00:04:46.586 --> 00:04:47.346
So I'm catching up.

00:04:47.346 --> 00:04:52.531
And then I saw that it was about periods and women telling their stories from all around the world.

00:04:52.531 --> 00:05:05.262
She was a director who had came from London, so that's how I ended up getting on the set, because I was already working in the film and TV industry gigging, so a lot of producers and coordinators,

00:05:05.805 --> 00:05:06.165
Oh okay, alright.

00:05:06.165 --> 00:05:07.990
But even still, it was basically just by chance.

00:05:09.781 --> 00:05:11.728
You know, I really don't believe that.

00:05:11.728 --> 00:05:18.896
Really, I really believe that when we set an intention, things start opening up our way.

00:05:18.896 --> 00:05:21.461
I just really believe that.

00:05:21.461 --> 00:05:29.514
That's like, you know, when it comes to, you know, the intention that you put behind your business, you know, will determine, like, whether it succeeds or not.

00:05:29.514 --> 00:05:34.192
You know, like, what is your intention, you know, and that's what we end up manifesting.

00:05:34.192 --> 00:05:38.531
You know, if your intention is all about money, it's going to manifest in the content you create.

00:05:38.531 --> 00:05:44.569
It's going to manifest in the fact that you're not consistent, because that's not enough to sustain you, you know.

00:05:44.569 --> 00:05:54.668
So it's gonna show up, it's gonna manifest some type of way and I feel like when we focus on a certain intention, it shows like the opportunities present itself.

00:05:54.668 --> 00:05:58.932
Because I could have been like no, I'm tired, I don't wanna do this.

00:05:58.932 --> 00:06:00.567
I didn't know what the film was about.

00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:02.526
You know, we do 12 hour shifts.

00:06:02.526 --> 00:06:05.192
We do 12 to 16 hour shifts on film sets.

00:06:05.192 --> 00:06:24.156
Yeah, like yeah people probably don't know that like, and you're working for five days straight and you're dealing with bougie actors and like, just, and you're dealing with like contracts, you know, and things of that nature like it's like, oh, they have to be in a five-star hotel because of their contract.

00:06:24.156 --> 00:06:25.240
Like, oh, they have to have this type of water.

00:06:25.240 --> 00:06:26.091
Like it's literally, I, oh, they have to be in a five star hotel because of their contract.

00:06:26.091 --> 00:06:26.403
Like, oh, they have to have this type of water.

00:06:26.403 --> 00:06:30.392
Like it's literally, I've worked from production assistant all the way to a producer's assistant.

00:06:30.392 --> 00:06:33.891
So it's like, yeah, 12 to 16 hours you're on set.

00:06:33.891 --> 00:06:35.884
And it was amazing, you know.

00:06:35.884 --> 00:06:50.653
So I could have been like no, you know, and I would miss that opportunity, but I was just like, ok, and there goes Periodical pops up in my subject and I'm like, wait, what yeah, Periodical like?

00:06:50.673 --> 00:06:51.939
And I'm just like, yeah, this seems awesome.

00:06:51.939 --> 00:06:53.622
All women crew, you know.

00:06:53.622 --> 00:06:54.543
Which is amazing.

00:06:54.543 --> 00:06:59.793
I was like, oh! It was great, it was a great experience.

00:07:00.019 --> 00:07:00.521
Yeah, I bet.

00:07:00.521 --> 00:07:10.795
And so since then to now, you've obviously learned quite a bit and exposed yourself to quite a bit, experienced quite a bit of other people's stories and, I'm sure, your own growth as a result.

00:07:10.795 --> 00:07:14.603
And so what have you learned?

00:07:14.603 --> 00:07:16.024
What does this look like?

00:07:16.024 --> 00:07:30.663
Because when you say well, actually, when you say any and all of these topics, all I can attribute it to is my own experience and insight, which is very minimal, not even compared to yours, just in general, I don't know next to anything, namely, for example.

00:07:31.103 --> 00:07:40.932
So most of my experience in the Department of Defense has been in the Marine Corps infantry, and it wasn't until within the last decade women were even authorized to be in the Marine Corps infantry.

00:07:40.932 --> 00:07:43.944
It was an all-male role, I guess you could say job.

00:07:43.944 --> 00:07:56.540
Well, within the last decade it has since comingled and so now anybody can get a role, which is good.

00:07:56.562 --> 00:07:59.839
But initially there was a lot of issues we had from a leadership perspective, because then there's now hygienic considerations we didn't have to worry about before.

00:07:59.839 --> 00:08:10.627
There's now training considerations we didn't have to worry about before, and then obviously cohabitation, to whatever impact, scale and scope that we didn't have to worry about before.

00:08:10.627 --> 00:08:12.593
And so the logistics, the planning, the administrative consideration.

00:08:12.593 --> 00:08:22.408
Everything changed right and, like most changes, it's consistently complex and initially a burden to most people that are used to an old sort of system.

00:08:22.408 --> 00:08:35.801
So, of all the things that you've experienced, so far as any of these topics are concerned, what have you learned that would actually impact a workplace environment, let's say, for example, like in the DOD or anywhere else you might be comfortable with?

00:08:36.363 --> 00:08:39.110
It's interesting you bring that up.

00:08:39.110 --> 00:08:49.735
I actually I was in this program recently and heard a woman actually speaking about being in I'm not sure which sector she was in but the lack of women representation.

00:08:49.735 --> 00:08:52.288
So it's interesting that you bring that up.

00:08:52.288 --> 00:08:58.613
But when it comes to like how to make a change, I feel like you need to study your audience.

00:08:58.613 --> 00:09:00.664
You know that's like one of the big things.

00:09:00.664 --> 00:09:02.591
You know your target, your ideal audience.

00:09:02.591 --> 00:09:11.701
So if you're looking to be more inclusive and diversify and bring in more women, then you need to understand women, you know, before you put them on.

00:09:12.443 --> 00:09:14.889
I want to say like a rigid system, you know.

00:09:14.889 --> 00:09:20.008
You like, you need to understand, like hey, we are different and it's okay, you know.

00:09:20.008 --> 00:09:22.232
It's just a matter of accepting that difference.

00:09:22.232 --> 00:09:24.905
You know it's like okay, so this makes sense.

00:09:25.005 --> 00:09:30.076
Why, a week before her period, she's sluggish and she wants to sleep more?

00:09:30.076 --> 00:09:39.042
You know it's because her body is literally like going down in energy and that's like, look, this is a time that we need to relax.

00:09:39.042 --> 00:09:44.850
Like we just been through almost 25 days of going on a high here or going down.

00:09:44.850 --> 00:09:49.865
Yes, with the monthly cycle, you know.

00:09:49.865 --> 00:09:58.644
So you know I feel like people know in general women have periods, but a week we can say like a week as an estimate before her period she has an energy drop.

00:09:58.644 --> 00:10:04.205
So just so everybody understands, every single day a woman's energy level goes down.

00:10:04.205 --> 00:10:10.571
So it's not something that you know to be ashamed of, it's just what happens because we're women.

00:10:10.571 --> 00:10:18.253
So that means that our focus has to shift a little bit depending on the role the leadership role.

00:10:18.253 --> 00:10:24.825
It would be nice if companies could be more flexible in the way the employees arrange their task.

00:10:24.825 --> 00:10:27.227
That's something even just simple.

00:10:27.688 --> 00:10:33.015
Yeah, and I think in some industries that'd be a little bit more maybe easy to do than others.

00:10:33.015 --> 00:10:44.259
Well, for example, you know, when it comes to especially the infantry, but the Department of Defense as a whole, not every position, not every job is a combat arms position in a kinetic environment.

00:10:44.259 --> 00:10:53.879
And you know there are some that are stateside where the impacts of what they do are felt overseas, like logistics, for example, and supply, administration.

00:10:53.879 --> 00:11:08.751
You know there's communication and that may be a little bit easier to accommodate what you're describing, but in other circumstances it's not quite so straightforward of a shift and a change because everybody's got to pull their own weight, especially in a war zone.

00:11:08.751 --> 00:11:12.486
So how do you manage that kind of a need?

00:11:13.048 --> 00:11:14.453
When it comes to that type of need.

00:11:14.453 --> 00:11:16.620
It's kind of similar to like working with athletes.

00:11:16.620 --> 00:11:22.354
One, a lot of times when women are very athletic, they tend to lose their period.

00:11:22.354 --> 00:11:23.950
That's one.

00:11:23.950 --> 00:11:27.546
I don't know if people are familiar with that, but it's not a good thing, you know.

00:11:27.905 --> 00:11:31.381
Oh, okay, yeah, they actually tend to lose their period.

00:11:31.381 --> 00:11:33.409
We actually need that fat.

00:11:33.409 --> 00:11:34.513
You know it's healthy.

00:11:34.513 --> 00:11:36.980
When you have your period, it's a very good thing.

00:11:36.980 --> 00:11:40.525
You know that you have very good uterine health, it's a good sign.

00:11:40.525 --> 00:11:42.708
So losing your period is not a good thing.

00:11:42.708 --> 00:11:45.994
That most likely means you don't have enough body fat, you know.

00:11:45.994 --> 00:11:52.044
But there could be, you know, different reasons, but a lot of times very athletic women, they will lose their periods.

00:11:52.044 --> 00:11:58.145
So one it's actually having that balance and it starts with what I like to say is nutrition.

00:11:58.145 --> 00:12:07.192
There are certain foods that are better for you when you're luteal, because it'll help boost up your energy, especially if you need to be in a very active role.

00:12:07.192 --> 00:12:10.509
You know this is a very good time to be getting in those blueberry smoothies.

00:12:10.509 --> 00:12:16.030
You know they're filled with antioxidants, so it helps a lot with inflammation around the uterus during this time.

00:12:16.030 --> 00:12:20.467
This is a good time to be getting in those greens, because you're going to start bleeding soon.

00:12:20.467 --> 00:12:32.464
You need to get your iron level up and also you should be eating more when you're luteal, because your body is burning more sugar, which is why women tend to get very hot, like a week before their period.

00:12:32.464 --> 00:12:36.018
It's like they're always like, my body temperature is rising here.

00:12:36.018 --> 00:12:38.147
Yeah, because your body's burning more sugar.

00:12:38.147 --> 00:12:39.351
You need more carbs.

00:12:39.351 --> 00:12:45.500
It's not the time for you to be dieting right now, so I feel that it should be treated in an athletic sense.

00:12:45.500 --> 00:12:51.296
Okay, let's boost up some things caloric wise so that you can keep moving.

00:12:52.097 --> 00:12:52.418
hat.

00:12:52.818 --> 00:12:58.032
Because it's not to say you know, women can't work when they're on their period or when they're luteal.

00:12:58.032 --> 00:13:07.341
It's just a matter of switching things around so that they can be optimal during those times, and that would be something that I would suggest.

00:13:07.341 --> 00:13:11.549
If you're very athletic, is that you start one.

00:13:11.549 --> 00:13:13.453
You should really really be eating more.

00:13:13.453 --> 00:13:20.302
I remember speaking to a nurse practitioner and she said the number one thing she sees is that women don't eat enough.

00:13:21.003 --> 00:13:21.964
How do you know what's enough?

00:13:22.565 --> 00:13:26.091
How do we know what's enough is based on, like, your, your body weight.

00:13:26.091 --> 00:13:34.928
Um, like, for example, if, like, a hundred pound person should be having 50 ounces of water a day yeah, okay, that's a day, you know what I mean.

00:13:34.928 --> 00:13:36.773
Or a gram of protein, or whatever.

00:13:36.773 --> 00:13:42.206
The hard science and it varies with exactly the hard science and with women.

00:13:42.206 --> 00:13:44.190
I think we discussed this earlier.

00:13:44.190 --> 00:13:53.272
Their cycle ranges between 28 to 35 days, so it varies with every woman, which is why it's important for a woman to track her period.

00:13:54.821 --> 00:13:57.179
All right, folks sit tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

00:13:57.921 --> 00:14:00.322
Welcome to Unapologetically Woman, the podcast where women come together to share their unfiltered experiences navigating womanhood.

00:14:00.322 --> 00:14:12.113
Join us as we dive into candid conversations about periods, perimenopause, postpartum bleeding, miscarriages and more.

00:14:12.113 --> 00:14:17.817
This is a safe space where we embrace the raw, real and often unspoken aspects of being a woman.

00:14:17.817 --> 00:14:20.970
Get ready to be empowered, inspired and heard.

00:14:20.970 --> 00:14:23.708
This is Unapologetically Woman.

00:14:23.708 --> 00:14:31.567
So so it varies with every woman, which is why it's important for a woman to track her period.

00:14:31.667 --> 00:14:34.232
Because because that's the start of that phase.

00:14:35.000 --> 00:14:35.682
All right, I'm with you.

00:14:35.682 --> 00:14:38.488
So now we're speaking more of a similar language.

00:14:38.488 --> 00:14:52.033
So, especially in the Marine Corps, we have over I'd say maybe the last decade as well, maybe 12 years, something sort of rebranded Marines, male or female, but Marines in the Marine Corps as warrior athletes.

00:14:52.033 --> 00:15:12.769
And so, from that perspective, there's an association called CHAMP, the Consortium for Health and Military Performance, and they're basically a panel of, I think, maybe a half a dozen doctors, dieticians, athletic trainers, and they fill a chat room.

00:15:12.769 --> 00:15:15.048
Okay, that's their 24/7.

00:15:15.048 --> 00:15:20.269
Somebody's on the clock all the time, so anybody has questions, you go to their website, submit your question.

00:15:20.269 --> 00:15:22.225
They get your response 24 to 48 hours.

00:15:22.748 --> 00:15:38.014
But what it also did is it forced a lot of us in the Marine Corps, myself included, to become what the Marine Corps has branded as force fitness instructors, and so our focus is essentially the Marine Corps branded version of an athletic trainer or coach.

00:15:38.014 --> 00:15:49.995
And so understanding more, on one hand, intrinsically, the caloric makeup, the macros and micros that are in our MREs, for example, Meals Ready to Eat.

00:15:49.995 --> 00:16:07.076
Also, I'd say, revolutionized how each one of the DOD, the US DOD cafeterias, structure their layout, their food plans, the amount of food and which types they bring in each month their overall throughput of their menu items.

00:16:07.076 --> 00:16:08.716
Everything changed.

00:16:08.716 --> 00:16:16.849
Our physical fitness programs and tests, the actual training programs themselves and then the actual performance test and reviews.

00:16:16.849 --> 00:16:25.049
The standards changed within the last 10 years almost exactly 2014, because of this same concept and rebranding in the Marine Corps.

00:16:25.049 --> 00:16:40.230
So you saying to think of some of these things differently to me sounds like just destigmatize them and consider them an athletic competency where, if you're unfamiliar or uninformed which in my case I feel that's where I fall then just get smarter.

00:16:40.230 --> 00:16:41.294
You know what I mean.

00:16:41.294 --> 00:16:43.962
You can't coach an athlete if you're incompetent.

00:16:43.962 --> 00:16:45.547
It's just not going to work out well.

00:16:45.547 --> 00:16:58.328
So what you're describing is actually a pretty solid parallel to athletic training and these same considerations that, like I said, at least in the Marine Corps, we're prioritizing higher now over the last few years.

00:16:58.328 --> 00:17:04.846
Now, to the extent that you're describing, I don't know, I have no idea the amount of female representation there is making any of these decisions.

00:17:04.846 --> 00:17:13.244
I don't know how much of it is lip service or some sort of DEI qualifier compared to this is actually a concern.

00:17:13.244 --> 00:17:15.650
This is actually a training consideration.

00:17:16.411 --> 00:17:18.020
I don't know, but I can tell you this.

00:17:18.020 --> 00:17:21.250
We had a lady come on the show Transacting Value, a lady came on.

00:17:21.250 --> 00:17:22.201
Her name's Tab Bartley.

00:17:22.201 --> 00:17:31.021
You can find her conversation I'm not sure how far back, but within the last few months as of this recording and that's exactly one of the things she talked about.

00:17:31.021 --> 00:17:44.810
Tab, I'm sorry, when you hear this I can't remember all the terms that you used, but essentially she had just had a baby, she had maternity leave, she came back and when she came back there's still physical fitness standards you have to meet.

00:17:51.500 --> 00:18:22.711
Now there's a graduated and sort of progressive program to accommodate the standards, but one of the things she had to do was actually carry a pack and go on a hike and when she did, she prolapsed because she wasn't fully healed and, according to her, when she came on the show as she'd come to find out over the years since then, she was not one of one, and I don't know if this is DOD-wide or Marine Corps-wide, but I have a feeling it's female-wide, where too much physical exertion too soon, especially after a pregnancy or birth or miscarriage or anything, you're going to have the potential or a higher risk for issues or acute injuries.

00:18:22.711 --> 00:18:24.204
Am I off the mark?

00:18:24.960 --> 00:18:27.489
You are not off the mark at all.

00:18:27.489 --> 00:18:30.209
That's actually very interesting you say that.

00:18:30.209 --> 00:18:36.771
So after a woman delivers a baby for two months every single day, she's bleeding.

00:18:36.771 --> 00:18:37.894
Every single day.

00:18:37.894 --> 00:18:42.846
So what's happening is that placenta that's detached.

00:18:42.846 --> 00:18:51.189
You know, when she does the afterbirth, so she delivers the baby, then the afterbirth is the placenta that she delivers that's detaching from the uterine wall.

00:18:51.189 --> 00:18:58.673
So it's leaving, like the nurse practitioner said, a giant wound in the uterus and that's healing.

00:18:58.839 --> 00:19:01.127
And this is like severing capillaries and veins.

00:19:01.710 --> 00:19:05.409
Yeah, we're talking about like a wound, like inside your uterus that you cannot see.

00:19:05.409 --> 00:19:06.451
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:19:06.451 --> 00:19:16.689
So this is happening like it's healing now, because now that the placenta has detached, now this area that that placenta was in is now a wound.

00:19:16.689 --> 00:19:24.246
The way she described it, she said it was the size of a dinner plate and she said that it goes unnoticed because it's inside of the woman's body.

00:19:24.246 --> 00:19:25.086
You can't see it.

00:19:25.086 --> 00:19:25.487
She was like.

00:19:25.527 --> 00:19:33.353
But if this was like outside and you could physically see how big this was on her uterus, you would tell her to stay home.

00:19:33.353 --> 00:19:47.419
Like you would not be asking her to do anything because at the same time she has to breastfeed, at the same time that she's bleeding every single day.

00:19:47.419 --> 00:19:54.867
And I've even had women who came on actually my show and talk about how they had to get like a diaper size underwear because regular pads weren't working and they didn't know what was going on either.

00:19:54.867 --> 00:20:07.910
So it's something you know, it goes back to one, like you said, I love when you said de-stigmatizing things, but one being educated on what like a woman's health, because, yeah, I can see why she prolapsed.

00:20:07.910 --> 00:20:13.307
Like she's bleeding for two months straight, breastfeeding at the same time.

00:20:13.880 --> 00:20:25.727
No, like physically, you're not ready to be coming back, even with our periods and I think you know the cycles we were talking about even when a woman is luteal, it's not ideal for us to be doing strength training.

00:20:25.727 --> 00:20:30.767
It's more ideal for us to be doing Pilates or yoga or swimming.

00:20:30.767 --> 00:20:31.407
You know.

00:20:31.407 --> 00:20:34.320
So, even then, you know, yeah, you know it makes sense.

00:20:34.320 --> 00:20:37.608
So, yeah, I'm not surprised.

00:20:37.608 --> 00:20:44.961
I'm actually glad that you said that happened, because I feel like things like that happen more often and women don't talk about it enough.

00:20:45.522 --> 00:20:48.568
Well, I mean, okay, women don't, but men don't.

00:20:49.190 --> 00:20:51.473
Exactly, so it goes back to--

00:20:52.281 --> 00:20:57.622
Yeah, it absolutely does, and I think it's important because, well, for, I'd say, three reasons.

00:20:57.622 --> 00:21:04.948
One, because there's only one way to learn and you got to be able to communicate effectively and, in my opinion, in a way, your audience is willing to learn.

00:21:04.948 --> 00:21:10.105
I probably thankfully, to this point, I'm not a visual learner, so that's fine.

00:21:10.105 --> 00:21:17.087
But to have a conversation and then to figure out a way to practically apply that conversation to me works best.

00:21:17.087 --> 00:21:19.413
Things like this, modes like this.

00:21:19.413 --> 00:21:39.921
But on the other hand, number two I think this is important because, like you mentioned, it gets people comfortable talking about what's natural and what's normal, and I think there's a certain maturity that comes with that that in my opinion, generally speaking, at least throughout the DOD, they're not ready for, I'll say primarily because they haven't had to have been.

00:21:39.921 --> 00:21:47.586
And like anything else that you train or neglectfully train, if you don't it doesn't develop to a strength.

00:21:47.586 --> 00:21:56.173
So, no, there's a lot of deficiencies around taboo topics in those conversations and, by proxy, then a fair amount of immaturity that comes with it.

00:21:56.173 --> 00:22:06.121
But the third thing I think that's cool about what you just brought up is I don't know how to accommodate that and then tell the difference between this is hard work.

00:22:06.121 --> 00:22:06.823
This is demanding.

00:22:06.823 --> 00:22:11.464
This does require sacrifice, and you're trying to get out of it, vice, okay Okay, this is legitimate.

00:22:11.464 --> 00:22:13.210
You get time off, you .

00:22:13.210 --> 00:22:13.210
?

00:22:13.210 --> 00:22:25.865
You know what I mean, because in, especially the DOD, in a leadership position of any kind, you've got to be able to tell, based on some sort of a baseline, what's fact and what's fiction, because people try to get out of work all the time.

00:22:25.865 --> 00:22:32.009
It's not always the most illustrious positions that you wake up in the morning and you're glad to show up to right.

00:22:32.009 --> 00:22:48.820
So it makes things difficult, especially when the reciprocal impact or response maybe to bringing up any of these topics, especially from a male perspective, is to don't even try.

00:22:48.840 --> 00:22:49.682
kay don't know what you're talking about.

00:22:49.682 --> 00:22:53.211
Don't even bring it up, just give it to them, let them have it, you know, and just back away slowly into the shadows, right?

00:22:53.211 --> 00:22:57.608
So how do we actually address some of these things?

00:22:57.608 --> 00:22:58.550
What do we do about it?

00:22:58.550 --> 00:23:08.008
How much ground do I actually have to stand on to say obviously you're pregnant, you're not going on this deployment and we'll see you in 12 months or no, you don't have to train today.

00:23:08.008 --> 00:23:09.203
You seem a little sluggish.

00:23:09.203 --> 00:23:10.587
You must be luteal.

00:23:10.587 --> 00:23:11.260
Stay here, you know?

00:23:11.260 --> 00:23:12.686
Like, how do we approach this?

00:23:13.640 --> 00:23:17.682
Interesting because it actually starts with having the conversation.

00:23:17.702 --> 00:23:18.303
What

00:23:18.762 --> 00:23:26.528
You know it starts with having the uncomfortable conversation with your higher ups, with your leaders, for example.

00:23:26.528 --> 00:23:37.855
This is where, like, empathetic leadership comes in, because, say, for example, because I actually would do this I know when my period comes on, it always falls on the full moon.

00:23:37.855 --> 00:23:48.240
So I already know, a week before I'm luteal, like I just know this.

00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:53.315
You know so because you know that's when it comes to the women taking accountability over their body too, you know, and tracking when their period comes on.

00:23:53.315 --> 00:23:56.368
It's a every woman should be tracking their period, you know.

00:23:56.368 --> 00:24:03.153
If they're in that phase, it's very important because they need to be self-aware of what's happening as well.

00:24:03.153 --> 00:24:04.526
You know body self-awareness.

00:24:04.526 --> 00:24:15.970
So if I know, hey, my period comes on this day, a week before, I know that's when I'm luteal I'm going to say something to you, like I'm going to communicate with you, we need a safe word.

00:24:16.682 --> 00:24:17.486
Is that the way to do this?

00:24:18.039 --> 00:24:20.501
No, I don't even feel like you need a safe word.

00:24:20.501 --> 00:24:37.156
Like I feel like when we talk about more topics like this and we actually talk about, hey, follicular ovulating, luteal menstruating when you actually learn the medical terms, then it's like, hey, if I came in, I'm like, hey, you know what I'm feeling luteal.

00:24:37.156 --> 00:24:39.628
All you need to know is my energy is going down.

00:24:39.628 --> 00:24:42.804
You don't have to know all like, oh, her testosterone level, my energy is going down.

00:24:42.804 --> 00:24:44.165
You don't have to know all like, oh, her testosterone level.

00:24:44.165 --> 00:24:50.756
Like, no, I'm telling you right now I'm like, hey, I'm luteal, you know, and I'm going to let you know how I'm feeling.

00:24:50.756 --> 00:24:55.859
And that's where it starts with us having that conversation, because I even do this on dates.

00:24:55.859 --> 00:24:59.282
If I go on a date, I'm like, look, hey, man, I'm luteal.

00:24:59.282 --> 00:25:01.744
And what's the first thing he's going to say to me?

00:25:01.744 --> 00:25:03.266
What is luteal?

00:25:03.306 --> 00:25:03.566
Yeah.

00:25:03.806 --> 00:25:05.107
I'm glad you asked.

00:25:05.107 --> 00:25:07.028
I'll tell you what luteal is.

00:25:07.028 --> 00:25:10.332
And I tell them and they're like oh, that makes sense.

00:25:10.332 --> 00:25:13.714
And you know what always happens they think of another woman.

00:25:13.714 --> 00:25:27.096
They know, and they're like, oh man, that makes sense, why my sister always was so sleepy and tired and I thought she was being lazy and I was just like, oh wow, you know, he ended up actually calling and apologizing to his sister.

00:25:27.116 --> 00:25:38.883
Like you know, after you know, I just basically said every day our energy level was going to and he was like wow, he's like I didn't know that, but it just starts with this because it's like wow, once you know, okay, we can adjust for this.

00:25:38.883 --> 00:25:41.406
But also it takes time.

00:25:41.406 --> 00:25:45.153
You're going to have to trust that person.

00:25:45.153 --> 00:25:52.641
You're going to have to trust them until they prove otherwise, until it's like okay, I see you're taking advantage of this.

00:25:52.641 --> 00:25:58.913
Then it's a different story and unfortunately that's in every uphill battle.

00:25:59.059 --> 00:26:02.692
You have people who try to take advantage of situations.

00:26:02.692 --> 00:26:20.086
When someone is like posing something, you know that would really be a part of leadership, to be able to trust a little bit more too, but also having that authentic, open communication, because also, you know, it makes the relationships even better between men and women.

00:26:20.086 --> 00:26:34.594
When you just understand, you know, because of like literally every guy days when I'm like, hey, man, I'm luteal, they're like OK, you want me to get you some Haagen-Dazs and I want this specific type of ice cream with a chocolate, chocolate chip.

00:26:34.594 --> 00:26:37.844
You know like it is, it just makes it better.

00:26:37.844 --> 00:26:47.174
Because then it's like OK, I won't, I won't be as playful with her, because I know that agitates her, you know, and she's really just not in the mood and it just becomes that respect.

00:26:47.174 --> 00:26:55.222
So it actually it just creates this I feel like overall better relationship between men and women If we just understood each other.

00:26:55.222 --> 00:26:58.751
Like that's it, you know, it's like just understand me.

00:27:00.623 --> 00:27:02.778
Alrighty, folks, stay tight and we'll be right back on Transacting

00:27:09.359 --> 00:27:13.036
Join us for Transacting Value, where we discuss practical applications of personal values every Monday at 9 am on our website, transactingvaluepodcast.

00:27:13.036 --> 00:27:17.086
com, Wednesdays at 5 pm and Sundays at noon on wreathsacrossamerica.

00:27:17.086 --> 00:27:20.133
org/ radio.

00:27:22.480 --> 00:27:30.525
So it actually, it just creates this, I feel, like overall better relationship between men and women, if we just understood each other.

00:27:30.525 --> 00:27:34.012
Like that's it, you know, it's like just understand me.

00:27:34.680 --> 00:27:37.285
Well, it's like you said to your athlete point earlier.

00:27:37.285 --> 00:27:46.821
If I'm asking you about your diet as your coach, for example, and you're a whatever you are, say a swimmer or something and I'm asking you about your diet and you tell me, well, I had these things, I didn't eat these things.

00:27:46.821 --> 00:27:51.481
I did this, I didn't do this, I'm like, okay, cool, Now we need a stool sample to actually measure this, or blah, blah, blah, whatever.

00:27:51.481 --> 00:27:55.086
Okay, cool, Great, which exists in some places and tests as well.

00:27:55.086 --> 00:27:59.109
But if I can I don't know a blood test.

00:27:59.109 --> 00:28:00.571
Does that do anything?

00:28:00.571 --> 00:28:05.676
Does that tell me anything about your I mean not me, obviously, I wouldn't take it but a doctor would that tell them anything about your health?

00:28:06.200 --> 00:28:13.228
Yes, Um, women actually go to get tested to find out what stage they're in, you know, if they're perimenopausal, if they're menopause.

00:28:13.228 --> 00:28:15.959
So there are definitely ways, you know.

00:28:15.959 --> 00:28:20.185
They would just go to an endocrinologist, you know, because you're looking at the hormone levels.

00:28:20.446 --> 00:28:20.707
Okay.

00:28:20.727 --> 00:28:26.015
So that is like very easy, like scientifically, to actually like detect.

00:28:27.064 --> 00:28:27.846
Is that already an annual checkup?

00:28:28.820 --> 00:28:30.808
So it's not a part of annual checkups.

00:28:31.662 --> 00:28:43.134
I would say that is necessary, I feel, for women to seek that out If they do have a general practitioner, to have them recommend a specialist for them.

00:28:43.134 --> 00:28:50.613
Because I feel like we should just know our hormonal levels, because it fluctuates with every woman, you know like that's the thing.

00:28:50.613 --> 00:28:55.342
So we should know this information, you know it, just like we get regular blood tests to know what's going on.

00:28:55.342 --> 00:29:08.434
Women should get that done, you know, I feel we should, but it's not included most of the time in your annual exam, unless they suspect something going on, unless they suspect that you have this issue.

00:29:08.434 --> 00:29:11.309
But it's usually not recommended.

00:29:11.309 --> 00:29:21.634
But I think it would be great to actually start including those things, to be more specific towards women's health and not just general.

00:29:21.634 --> 00:29:25.542
But when I say general I'm actually just saying man's health, you know.

00:29:25.542 --> 00:29:34.207
So it's like to just actually cater to the different sexes, like a female, it's just, it's just different, you know.

00:29:34.207 --> 00:29:36.340
So it's like, okay, like you would need this.

00:29:36.340 --> 00:29:40.711
Like okay, like you need to start seeing a GYN this time.

00:29:40.711 --> 00:29:45.422
Yeah, and just more alternatives for women in general when it comes to our health.

00:29:45.501 --> 00:29:48.469
And it's funny on the show Dr.

00:29:48.469 --> 00:30:00.941
Christine Metz brought up a point she said, you know, doctors will have you bring in a poop sample for your dog to see what's going on with your dog, but your GYN won't ask you to bring in your menstrual sample to see the health of your uterus.

00:30:00.941 --> 00:30:04.010
And I'm just like, oh my gosh, you're so fucking right.

00:30:04.010 --> 00:30:14.721
You know, and she actually did this paper where she was asking doctors to send in their patient's menstrual blood and they, because of the stigmatization around it, that's disgusting, that's gross.

00:30:14.721 --> 00:30:18.829
And I'm like yo, these are doctors Like, these are doctors.

00:30:18.829 --> 00:30:23.509
Like what is happening, like it was just, it was heartbreaking.

00:30:23.509 --> 00:30:29.227
Like, looking at her, her article, I was like, um, okay, so what does that mean?

00:30:29.227 --> 00:30:31.290
So we have some work to do.

00:30:31.290 --> 00:30:36.266
You know, because of like, I love when you say we have to de-stigmatize.

00:30:36.266 --> 00:30:39.332
You know women's health.

00:30:39.653 --> 00:30:39.653
Well, I don't know.

00:30:39.653 --> 00:30:41.865
I'd say men's and women's health.

00:30:41.865 --> 00:31:00.182
I I understand your preference and specialty but, to the point, I think that there's a lot of overlap, because there's a lot of things that would be beneficial for men to be able to talk about more often, even if it's just in the privacy of a doctor's office, let alone, I don't know, over coffee in the break room or wherever it might be appropriate.

00:31:00.182 --> 00:31:04.009
You know, in the same sense, that it would be for women in certain circumstances as well.

00:31:04.009 --> 00:31:20.289
However, to be able to better understand this you mentioned whatever the doctors suspect might be an issue and, I think, to better understand that suspected qualifier okay, you're tired because you're not sleeping, I can advise on.

00:31:20.289 --> 00:31:21.902
You're tired because you're luteal?

00:31:21.902 --> 00:31:23.507
Okay, that's another thing.

00:31:23.507 --> 00:31:25.031
I can't necessarily advise on it.

00:31:25.031 --> 00:31:27.962
However, the symptoms are going to manifest similarly.

00:31:27.962 --> 00:31:33.006
So I can probably work around this in a training environment pretty effectively enough, at least you know.

00:31:33.006 --> 00:31:42.893
But understanding I mentioned the maturity earlier, understanding that there has to be an objective maturity around the topics to me.

00:31:43.634 --> 00:31:47.723
I went through a tactical combat casualty care course.

00:31:47.723 --> 00:32:00.309
It's part of our I guess you could say, medical training package in the infantry, in the Marine Corps, where we get simulated casualties that often are real people, but the blood is simulated, the injuries are simulated, whatever.

00:32:00.309 --> 00:32:10.146
Or we get dummies where they're just 200 pound sacks of sand, shaped like people, and this injuries are simulated and then we put on all our gear, we run through this course.

00:32:10.146 --> 00:32:22.366
We have to get them out on a litter and treat the injuries and stabilize them so we can call in for air evac, a helicopter, whatever, to come in and simulate taking them out to you know next echelon level of care.

00:32:22.366 --> 00:32:25.953
There's all sorts of situations because they're all random.

00:32:25.953 --> 00:32:42.189
The instructors just pick something and they play whatever explosions and yelling and screaming in the background and there's little, you know, sort of simulated explosions popping dust off everywhere as you're running around, and it's a really cool experience for a lot of different reasons, especially in the infantry.

00:32:42.189 --> 00:33:06.353
But what it also does is it puts you under as much stress as they can or care to simulate in a training environment and get you to focus on somebody's medical well-being and so to get to a point where almost instinctually, without thinking obviously, you know where all your equipment is on that guy, on you, where it's all stored in the vehicle, but then also what to do with it and in what order and in what precedent?

00:33:07.121 --> 00:33:10.230
If somebody's bleeding but also not breathing, where do you start?

00:33:10.230 --> 00:33:16.890
The bleeding obviously first, and then ensure that the airway is good and then ensure that there's no other bullet holes and patch up anything and do whatever.

00:33:16.890 --> 00:33:20.169
Well, I can't just give you a roll of gauze once a month.

00:33:20.169 --> 00:33:21.342
You know what I mean.

00:33:21.342 --> 00:33:34.632
That's not the answer either, and I think there's a certain amount of tact and bearing and sensitivity that comes with this trauma-informed degree of what did you call it empathetic leadership that has to be exerted too.

00:33:34.632 --> 00:33:44.007
But the same sort of care and precision and attentiveness as in these casualty courses, I think should also be exercised and explained.

00:33:44.528 --> 00:33:47.384
You know, if there's any sort of a parallel that can be drawn.

00:33:47.384 --> 00:33:59.750
When you said earlier, as athletes and considering the same cycle and nutrient deficiencies and sleep and hydration, and it's all the same things, it's just a different cause, and that was that was pretty mind blowing to me.

00:33:59.750 --> 00:34:05.273
But I'm curious what does all of this have to do with, let's say, you?

00:34:05.273 --> 00:34:11.391
Let's say you and your perspective, right, we're talking objectively about other people and treatment and the sort of workplace atmospherics.

00:34:11.391 --> 00:34:17.873
But you or ladies like you, whoever in any of these situations, are on the receiving end of these atmospherics.

00:34:17.873 --> 00:34:19.244
What is that like?

00:34:19.244 --> 00:34:31.713
Not physically, not emotionally, not your own bodily symptoms, but like how people are treating you and I assume that actually causes some degree of depression or anxiety or shame.

00:34:32.440 --> 00:34:51.331
And we see it in the news all the time, man, all those words yeah, it's all those words and more, because you know you brought up that point about the woman who prolapsed because there is one we're comparing ourselves to our male counterparts.

00:34:51.331 --> 00:34:51.331
.

00:34:51.331 --> 00:34:51.331
.

00:34:51.431 --> 00:34:51.532
oh

00:34:51.532 --> 00:34:51.713
Oh sure.

00:34:51.713 --> 00:34:52.443
And

00:34:52.443 --> 00:35:03.123
because of that comparison there does come this bit of shame around what we're going to, because also it's been made fun of If I'm going crazy a month.

00:35:03.123 --> 00:35:03.807
Also it's been made fun of.

00:35:03.807 --> 00:35:07.105
You know, if I'm going crazy, you know a month you know it's been made fun of.

00:35:07.105 --> 00:35:08.545
Oh, like, you must be on your period.

00:35:08.545 --> 00:35:08.545
.

00:35:08.699 --> 00:35:11.088
You know it's something you don't want to talk about.

00:35:11.088 --> 00:35:18.449
You know, if I needed to get a pad from a woman, you know I would whisper it, you know, because I don't want you to know that I'm on my period.

00:35:18.449 --> 00:35:31.586
So it does come with this shame, but also it comes with a bit of depression because you want to do certain things in the workplace.

00:35:31.586 --> 00:35:32.608
But it's like I remember this one lady.

00:35:32.608 --> 00:35:36.576
She was saying that she was in a leadership role in Deloitte and she was afraid to tell them that she was pregnant.

00:35:36.576 --> 00:35:44.893
And I'm like, afraid to tell, like, like she's afraid to tell them that she's pregnant because, in her mind, I'm going to lose my job.

00:35:45.434 --> 00:35:45.815
Oh, I see.

00:35:46.360 --> 00:35:52.494
You see what I mean, because she's the one that has to do the nine months, but she's also the one that has to do the aftercare.

00:35:52.494 --> 00:35:53.722
Like you know what I mean.

00:35:53.722 --> 00:35:55.806
Like that does fall on her.

00:35:55.846 --> 00:36:05.958
Not saying men don't have a role, like they absolutely do have a role, but there is a hardcore, committed 12 months you got to fill do have a role, but there is a hardcore, committed 12 months, you got to fill.

00:36:05.978 --> 00:36:08.800
You got to fill right.

00:36:08.800 --> 00:36:09.481
So she's thinking about you know.

00:36:09.481 --> 00:36:09.541
So.

00:36:09.541 --> 00:36:15.081
Oftentimes, you know, women do try to come back to work earlier than what they should be doing because they're afraid of losing their job, you know.

00:36:15.081 --> 00:36:20.693
So it does come with this fear, you know, around it actually in the workplace.

00:36:20.693 --> 00:36:24.882
You know you commit to something and all of a sudden it's like oopsie, I'm pregnant.

00:36:24.882 --> 00:36:26.606
How are they going to react?

00:36:26.606 --> 00:36:29.221
Are they going to replace me when I have to go on leave?

00:36:29.221 --> 00:36:31.467
Am I going to be able to get my job back when I?

00:36:31.467 --> 00:36:38.521
So it is scary for women in the workplace quite a bit of time and it does bring on that shame.

00:36:38.641 --> 00:36:42.103
And you know we grow up you shouldn't talk about it, you know.

00:36:42.103 --> 00:36:47.567
So like that stems from, like what 12, 13 years old, that's been embedded in you.

00:36:47.567 --> 00:36:51.188
You know about your period and you grow up with it.

00:36:51.188 --> 00:36:56.331
So like what you're dealing with, decades worth of trauma around your body.

00:36:56.331 --> 00:37:02.094
And that is the big thing for me is that it's like the way we view our body, you know.

00:37:02.135 --> 00:37:06.277
And then there's this constant thing of having to look a certain way, you know, I mean.

00:37:06.277 --> 00:37:17.364
I know people see it, you know, and even for guys, I know they probably feel the pressure to like to always have that six pack or that eight pack, you know, and it's like okay, like.

00:37:17.364 --> 00:37:21.088
So there's a lot of pressure that young girls are introduced to.

00:37:21.088 --> 00:37:26.456
Actually, you know, it's funny, I had a dietician she's a non-diet dietician, I love it.

00:37:26.456 --> 00:37:34.791
She came on the show and she was actually saying how research shows that girls as young as four to six are worried about being fat.

00:37:35.436 --> 00:37:35.920
Oh, I believe that.

00:37:35.940 --> 00:37:38.969
So it's not see, and it's like okay.

00:37:38.969 --> 00:37:43.228
And when you're talking about that embedded trauma, you know it like okay.

00:37:43.228 --> 00:37:52.693
And when you're talking about that embedded trauma, you know it's like whoa, that is a young age from four, and then you're going into the workforce and you probably hit that mid period where your period came on.

00:37:52.693 --> 00:37:53.858
You know, nobody really told you what to do.

00:37:53.858 --> 00:37:59.233
You know you get like that sixth grade, like presentation you know of men and women.

00:37:59.920 --> 00:38:01.063
And then it's like done.

00:38:01.063 --> 00:38:09.528