Unlocking Child Development Through Play: Sirena Simon's Insights on Parenting and Education

Transcript

WEBVTT

00:00:00.960 --> 00:00:10.875
The views expressed in this podcast are solely those of the podcast host and guest and do not necessarily represent those of our distribution partners, supporting business relationships or supported audience.

00:00:10.875 --> 00:00:37.250
Welcome to Transacting Value, where we talk about practical applications for instigating self-worth when dealing with each other and even within ourselves, where we foster a podcast listening experience that lets you hear the power of a value system for managing burnout, establishing boundaries, fostering community and finding identity.

00:00:37.250 --> 00:00:42.731
My name is Josh Porthouse, I'm your host and we are redefining sovereignty of character.

00:00:42.731 --> 00:00:45.027
This is why values still hold value.

00:00:45.027 --> 00:00:47.466
This is Transacting Value.

00:00:49.740 --> 00:00:53.131
Children have no concept of what an adult is.

00:00:53.131 --> 00:00:55.406
They have no concept of what school is.

00:00:55.406 --> 00:00:57.506
They have none of these concepts.

00:00:57.506 --> 00:01:02.710
So why are we trying to put them in that box when they don't learn that way?

00:01:04.560 --> 00:01:05.804
Today on Transacting Value.

00:01:05.804 --> 00:01:21.903
We've spent so much time over the last 20 years, with the advent of social media, online gaming, massively multiplayer online role-playing games, trying to figure out how to effectively digitize social sciences and humanities.

00:01:21.903 --> 00:01:37.052
At the same time, however, what plenty of therapists have known and have figured out thousands of years ago is, whether it comes to children or adults, gamifying identities to bring out the best of social interactions is a worthwhile venture.

00:01:37.052 --> 00:01:48.843
So in today's conversation, we've got Serena Simon from the Play Clinic and we're going to talk all about raising humanity and being okay with your choices as parents in the process.

00:01:48.843 --> 00:01:54.825
Guys, without further ado, I'm Josh Porthouse, I'm your host and this is Transacting Value.

00:01:54.825 --> 00:01:56.710
Serena, what's up?

00:01:56.710 --> 00:01:57.251
How are you doing?

00:01:58.140 --> 00:02:00.623
Hi, I am very excited.

00:02:00.623 --> 00:02:02.527
I'm very happy to be here.

00:02:02.527 --> 00:02:12.048
I'm excited about talking about all of these topics right, especially being a parent and being okay with your choices.

00:02:12.048 --> 00:02:16.103
So I am the founder and CEO of the Play Clinic.

00:02:16.103 --> 00:02:20.800
We are actually going to be rebranding over the next couple of months into Simon Health.

00:02:20.800 --> 00:02:23.765
We work with both pediatrics and adults.

00:02:23.765 --> 00:02:32.587
What makes us different is we focus on the family unit and we focus on those social interactions.

00:02:32.587 --> 00:02:36.521
How can we get the best social interactions?

00:02:36.521 --> 00:02:39.848
And we do that through play-based therapy.

00:02:39.848 --> 00:02:44.265
A lot of times, parents will come to me and they'll say what are you doing?

00:02:44.265 --> 00:02:45.650
You're just playing with my child.

00:02:45.650 --> 00:02:50.445
And I say well, how about you hop in and play with us and I'll teach you how to play?

00:02:50.445 --> 00:02:52.343
And that's exactly what we do.

00:02:53.546 --> 00:02:56.133
Absolutely, absolutely, and I mean that's the same.

00:02:56.133 --> 00:03:02.288
It's such a weird dichotomy to me, you know, like you think, I don't know, 20 years ago, 50 years ago, whatever.

00:03:02.288 --> 00:03:11.074
Every generation is very similar, in my opinion, where the younger generation says, hey, let's go play catch, or let's go throw rocks, or go fishing, or whatever, it is Right.

00:03:11.074 --> 00:03:13.777
And then people are like, ah well, you need to go to school.

00:03:13.777 --> 00:03:19.472
Okay, true, because you know, societally there's standards and benchmarks and whatever.

00:03:19.472 --> 00:03:44.070
Um, but if there's just as much benefit in playing well, whatever, throwing rocks with your kids at random trees or catching lizards, or whatever you do with your family and with your kids playing board games, anything in between how is that any different when you consider gamifying as a form of therapy To find identity, a sense of self communication, strengthen a family unit?

00:03:44.070 --> 00:03:48.431
It's such a common, simple concept.

00:03:48.431 --> 00:03:51.271
Is it really as underrated, though, do you think?

00:03:51.271 --> 00:03:52.617
I?

00:03:52.638 --> 00:03:52.979
think play is-.

00:03:53.020 --> 00:03:54.486
You said that's what sets you guys apart.

00:03:55.240 --> 00:03:59.941
Correct, because play is extremely underrated, right, even?

00:03:59.941 --> 00:04:14.451
We have research proving that play and having fun as adults is even really beneficial for our brain and our brain growth, and we have found that brain cells will actually regenerate when we do play.

00:04:14.451 --> 00:04:20.692
Because in play, yes, yes, it is like really exciting research.

00:04:20.692 --> 00:04:28.434
So I definitely say look it up, because play is important for both kids and adults.

00:04:28.434 --> 00:04:33.228
With kids, they use play to learn.

00:04:33.428 --> 00:04:38.507
So a lot of people will say quit doing that, quit doing that, quit doing the same thing over and over again.

00:04:38.507 --> 00:04:51.095
So, for example, you'll have a child who will throw the same rock at the same tree and they will do it for five minutes at a time and you're like what is going on in that kid's brain?

00:04:51.095 --> 00:05:02.067
Like they just keep throwing that and it and a parent will come to me it's so boring, I don't like I can't do this and I say, well, that's how we learn, right?

00:05:02.067 --> 00:05:09.889
So with children, when they're playing, what will happen is they will repeat and they will repeat, and they will repeat until they get a different result.

00:05:09.889 --> 00:05:15.990
And when they get a different result, they're like, oh, a light bulb goes off.

00:05:15.990 --> 00:05:17.194
I can do that too.

00:05:17.194 --> 00:05:39.288
So it's very different than sitting at a desk and saying hey, how about you just sit at this desk and just write the letter A over and over and, over, and, over and over and over again and not understand why I'm doing it right?

00:05:39.288 --> 00:05:42.194
There's no value to that child.

00:05:52.339 --> 00:05:55.065
So I'll show you to that child if I don't know why.

00:05:55.086 --> 00:05:58.572
Repeating the letter A for example is going to get me anything, whereas in play they get a different result.

00:05:58.572 --> 00:06:23.709
So when you're talking about gaming, so it's very interesting that you bring gaming up, because we actually use gaming and treatment with some adults with language learning and oftentimes gaming has been used to help children with language learning and it is actually become problematic within the speech therapy community that we're overusing and relying on these devices.

00:06:23.709 --> 00:06:25.733
So, for example, shared reading activities.

00:06:25.733 --> 00:06:31.130
So what I mean by a shared reading activity is you sit down with your child and you read a book.

00:06:31.130 --> 00:06:34.949
Right Well, now they're all over YouTube.

00:06:34.949 --> 00:06:37.668
There's somebody else reading it to your child on YouTube.

00:06:37.687 --> 00:06:38.610
Oh, I see.

00:06:39.901 --> 00:07:16.151
Or they're on an iPad, they're on an app, they're on an iPad, they're on an app and research has shown that the social interactions significantly decrease between the parents and the child when that book is digitized, versus holding onto the book, the physical book, and having that experience of turning a page, having that experience of pointing at a picture and people could say well, you know, on the iPad though, we're still interacting.

00:07:16.151 --> 00:07:20.869
I was just like but if you look at the child's face, is that child turning back at you and smiling?

00:07:20.869 --> 00:07:29.362
Is that child taking your hand to touch the book and turn the page or even turn the flap in the book?

00:07:30.403 --> 00:07:34.892
yeah, but that's just sort of the advent of of the the times.

00:07:34.892 --> 00:07:54.521
It's sort of the zeitgeist right that we've lived through the last well, 20 years I guess 2004, 2098, 99, whatever where you know, the more commercialized and popularized tech became, obviously most people opted for convenience over some form of security, and I think we see that today.

00:07:54.521 --> 00:08:21.177
There's obviously compromises, a ring, doorbell or whatever, where there's a mix, a hybrid, but what we and I agree with you here what we seem to have sacrificed is security over strengthening our relationships and a command sort of presence over crafting and designing the autonomy and authority over our own family or, I guess, familial centered, interpersonal relationships, in the name of convenience.

00:08:21.177 --> 00:08:48.083
Well, my tablet can babysit, the shows are there, it's so much easier, I can actually get work done and multitask, and while all of those things are valid, I think it really helps to illustrate, at least in my opinion, personally and professionally, that life doesn't have to be complicated, but it is every bit as complex as it can be on any given day and it's so ridiculously layered that we still have to be able to prioritize.

00:08:48.083 --> 00:08:50.068
What are we going to focus on today?

00:08:50.068 --> 00:08:58.364
Because none of us, like you said, as parents especially, none of us can tackle it every level, to every depth, to every extent that it needs to be every single day.

00:08:58.364 --> 00:09:00.390
So I have a question for you.

00:09:00.490 --> 00:09:09.284
For example, the playing, uh, uh you said throwing rocks at the tree five times and the parents, as your example went.

00:09:09.284 --> 00:09:12.311
I just can't sit here for a sixth rock.

00:09:12.311 --> 00:09:13.253
I can't do this.

00:09:13.253 --> 00:09:16.866
My brain is melting and that even happens.

00:09:16.866 --> 00:09:19.734
That even happens playing video games with our kids.

00:09:19.734 --> 00:09:23.178
Sometimes we're like I don't understand how you like this game, I can't watch the wiggles.

00:09:23.259 --> 00:09:23.922
One more episode.

00:09:23.922 --> 00:09:50.086
There's too much of this, you know, or whatever it is that I think what's really cool about watching that happen is it's the development of this understanding that the impossible is possible, as as kids Like I, I'm like you said, pattern recognition, right, I'm throwing the rock, I'm throwing the rock, I'm throwing the rock five times over, I've thrown the rock and now I throw the rock and bark comes off.

00:09:50.086 --> 00:10:01.014
I thought this was a solid thing and now it's actually pieces of things, and now ants come out and it's a home and and and and those things make life lessons.

00:10:01.014 --> 00:10:10.107
But you can't do that in a screen because it's all programmed, it's all literally, by definition, predictable and it won't change until we change it.

00:10:11.610 --> 00:10:14.982
So you bring up such a good point that it's programmed.

00:10:14.982 --> 00:10:16.986
It's programmed right.

00:10:16.986 --> 00:10:20.902
You're programming the brain to expect something.

00:10:20.902 --> 00:10:33.113
So imagine doing that all your childhood and then becoming an adult and now you have to problem solve on your own and you never had that opportunity in childhood, right?

00:10:33.113 --> 00:10:34.500
Imagine?

00:10:34.500 --> 00:10:46.453
The mental health crisis that creates as a child gets older, because they didn't have that opportunity to work in an unprogrammed setting, so to speak.

00:10:48.941 --> 00:10:51.389
All right, folks sit tight, We'll be right back on Transacting Value.

00:10:54.860 --> 00:10:58.010
He was just a teenager when his father died in a robbery.

00:10:58.010 --> 00:11:05.285
He laid awake one night and imagined a place where good would always defeat evil, Every wrong made right.

00:11:05.285 --> 00:11:09.190
He imagined a world of truth, justice and the American way.

00:11:09.190 --> 00:11:13.590
Through his loss, Jerry Siegel imagined a new hero.

00:11:13.590 --> 00:11:19.022
His imagination created Superman Imagination.

00:11:19.022 --> 00:11:21.208
Pass it on From PassItOncom.

00:11:24.062 --> 00:11:25.287
It's programs, right?

00:11:25.287 --> 00:11:29.230
You're programming the brain to expect something.

00:11:29.230 --> 00:11:41.431
So imagine doing that all your childhood and then becoming an adult, and now you have to problem solve on your own, and you never had that opportunity in childhood, right?

00:11:41.431 --> 00:11:42.822
Imagine?

00:11:42.822 --> 00:11:54.794
The mental health crisis that creates as a child gets older, because they didn't have that opportunity to work in an unprogrammed setting, so to speak.

00:11:56.379 --> 00:11:57.884
Yeah, but okay, so how do we fashion that?

00:11:57.884 --> 00:11:59.328
I mean, there's got to be a way.

00:11:59.328 --> 00:12:01.423
Let's just Sorry, wait a second.

00:12:01.423 --> 00:12:03.370
I'm getting way sucked in real fast.

00:12:03.370 --> 00:12:04.982
Let me back up For anybody who's new to the show.

00:12:04.982 --> 00:12:05.532
First off, welcome you guys to the second.

00:12:05.532 --> 00:12:05.736
I'm getting way sucked in real fast.

00:12:05.736 --> 00:12:05.897
Let me back up For anybody who's new to the show.

00:12:05.897 --> 00:12:06.217
First off.

00:12:06.217 --> 00:12:07.524
Welcome you guys to the podcast.

00:12:07.524 --> 00:12:11.629
I appreciate you guys tuning in staying with us now into season six Super cool.

00:12:11.629 --> 00:12:17.885
Obviously, we got a lot of super cool people coming onto the show as well, serena, in this case, people that aren't familiar with you.

00:12:17.885 --> 00:12:26.201
As it's going to, we need to set the stage real quick.

00:12:26.201 --> 00:12:29.230
Who are you?

00:12:29.230 --> 00:12:29.994
Where are you from?

00:12:29.994 --> 00:12:30.897
Let's build some resonance.

00:12:30.897 --> 00:12:35.466
What sort of things have shaped your perspective on life that got you this direction?

00:12:37.009 --> 00:12:42.547
So a very complex question, but I will try to keep it as brief as possible.

00:12:42.547 --> 00:12:50.471
So all of us have these things that impact our life, right, I don't believe my experiences are bad or they're good.

00:12:50.471 --> 00:13:05.249
They've just impacted how I approach my business, my brand, and how I approach my relationships with everybody in my life, and that could be even like the cashier at Publix, for example.

00:13:05.249 --> 00:13:11.576
So I'm a speech language pathologist by trade, so essentially, I'm a swallowologist.

00:13:11.576 --> 00:13:13.221
That's what I'm really specialized in.

00:13:13.221 --> 00:13:15.547
It's pediatric feeding and swallowing.

00:13:16.048 --> 00:13:18.192
So, yes, I get thrown up on a lot.

00:13:18.192 --> 00:13:20.061
Yes, I'm messy all day.

00:13:20.061 --> 00:13:24.442
Sometimes I come home and my husband's like what did you do?

00:13:24.442 --> 00:13:26.965
Um, sometimes I come home and my husband's like what did you do?

00:13:26.965 --> 00:13:27.504
Covered in yogurt, you know.

00:13:27.504 --> 00:13:30.986
So that's normal, um, on a day-to-day basis.

00:13:31.067 --> 00:13:37.409
For me, the biggest things that shaped have shaped me, though, are really my childhood experiences.

00:13:37.409 --> 00:13:40.751
Um, I came from a very, very chaotic background.

00:13:40.751 --> 00:13:43.594
My mother had very severe mental illness.

00:13:43.594 --> 00:13:51.177
This is a very personal thing about me, so I do apologize if I get a little bit emotional, but I'm just a raw person, I'm just a real person.

00:13:51.177 --> 00:13:58.870
She had paranoid schizophrenia.

00:13:58.870 --> 00:14:00.860
So very, very chaotic environment.

00:14:00.860 --> 00:14:08.461
My brother was also very ill Recently.

00:14:08.461 --> 00:14:09.484
I lost him back in February due to chronic illness.

00:14:09.484 --> 00:14:11.368
He had a severe autoimmune disorder that put him in and out of the hospital.

00:14:11.368 --> 00:14:15.155
Thank you for all of his life.

00:14:16.620 --> 00:14:18.523
And so I ended up in healthcare.

00:14:18.523 --> 00:14:23.289
Obviously I had a way to pay for it right.

00:14:23.289 --> 00:14:25.994
So I went into the military.

00:14:25.994 --> 00:14:27.860
So I was in the Air Force.

00:14:27.860 --> 00:14:36.708
I was an air traffic controller and I used that to earn my master's degree in speech language pathology and then I found some mentors who helped me.

00:14:36.708 --> 00:14:38.592
I ended up in the hospital environment.

00:14:38.592 --> 00:14:41.825
I love medically based pediatrics.

00:14:41.825 --> 00:14:44.629
I still work with that a lot in the home.

00:14:44.629 --> 00:15:06.071
So my families who are oxygen dependent, my families with more severe muscle dystrophies, down syndrome, more severe autism spectrum disorder, and what I've found in all of my experience is this sense of lack of empathy and compassion in healthcare.

00:15:06.071 --> 00:15:11.836
All of my experience is this is this sense of um lack of empathy and compassion and healthcare.

00:15:11.856 --> 00:15:12.318
Lack of it.

00:15:12.318 --> 00:15:17.032
Lack of it, it has truly become a business.

00:15:18.700 --> 00:15:29.293
Do you think that's to its detriment or out of just the eventuality and necessity of its own sort of procedures and costs, rising inflation, paying staff?

00:15:29.293 --> 00:15:31.506
I mean it's just nature of circumstance or?

00:15:32.399 --> 00:15:58.857
I think it's nature, of circumstance, but I also think it's choice as well, because I started my my business to really help people and I would have parents coming to me who said nobody would do feeding and swallowing with my child in the home because they were too complex.

00:15:58.857 --> 00:16:02.951
I could only go to a hospital.

00:16:02.951 --> 00:16:09.260
I was told my child was too severe, too behavioral.

00:16:09.260 --> 00:16:14.116
My child was too severe, too behavioral.

00:16:14.116 --> 00:16:15.725
They wouldn't even give me a chance.

00:16:15.725 --> 00:16:26.924
I've seen it with my brother, I've seen it with my mother, where here's a diagnosis and good luck.

00:16:26.924 --> 00:16:32.408
There's no resources, there's no follow-up, there's no.

00:16:32.408 --> 00:16:35.616
But thank you for coming in today, thank you for seeing me, but this is all we can do for you.

00:16:35.616 --> 00:16:43.837
So maybe it's not necessarily Something to be said for honesty, but that still doesn't actually provide any assistance.

00:16:44.825 --> 00:16:46.346
Correct, correct.

00:16:46.346 --> 00:16:47.628
So where's the follow-up?

00:16:47.628 --> 00:16:52.011
Where's the empathy in going okay, you just gave me this huge diagnosis.

00:16:52.011 --> 00:17:01.260
So say, for example, right now families are really terrified of their child being diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder because they really don't know what it means.

00:17:01.260 --> 00:17:11.188
Right, the local news, this child headbanging.

00:17:11.188 --> 00:17:13.355
But little do they know that that child headbanging probably has multiple diagnoses going on.

00:17:13.355 --> 00:17:14.641
It's not just autism spectrum disorder.

00:17:14.641 --> 00:17:21.155
Little do they know that it does not mean intellectual disability.

00:17:21.155 --> 00:17:27.488
I actually had a parent ask me two weeks ago and they said well, if my child has autism spectrum disorder?

00:17:27.488 --> 00:17:33.832
And they said, well, if my child has autism spectrum disorder, does that mean that they're mentally retarded?

00:17:33.832 --> 00:17:35.653
And that's exactly how they put it.

00:17:35.653 --> 00:17:39.976
So I'm just raw, I'm being out there and I said actually, absolutely not.

00:17:39.976 --> 00:17:42.897
It means the opposite.

00:17:42.897 --> 00:17:47.220
It means they might be a little bit quirky, but it doesn't mean that they're not going to talk.

00:17:47.220 --> 00:17:49.321
It doesn't mean they're not going to have a job.

00:17:49.321 --> 00:17:56.608
It doesn't mean a lack of intelligence we have research proving that.

00:17:56.628 --> 00:18:03.976
So we say here's this diagnosis, but we don't provide them a meaning to it, we don't provide them information to it.

00:18:03.976 --> 00:18:05.959
It's you're lucky.

00:18:05.959 --> 00:18:18.213
You're lucky to have somebody, including therapists, to sit down and say, hey, where are you at mentally, when are you at mentally in this process?

00:18:18.213 --> 00:18:24.192
I care about you and I want to make sure you understand what this diagnosis means.

00:18:26.838 --> 00:18:44.980
Okay, there's a lot of parallels to what you just brought up.

00:18:44.980 --> 00:18:47.321
Okay, might be triggered or offended, I'm sorry.

00:18:47.321 --> 00:18:57.217
Feel free to send a message or let me know on the website and we can talk more about it in the future as well, but for here and now at least, serena, when you say well, let me start here.

00:18:57.217 --> 00:19:06.313
When you say retarded, I'm assuming that means the baseline then is that normal, reasonable person standard of intellect and learning and pace and capacity.

00:19:06.313 --> 00:19:09.939
But behind that baseline, right, like not quite there yet.

00:19:11.084 --> 00:19:21.393
Correct so that would be in this family's eyes when they said that to me, this was to them meaning my child would learn nothing.

00:19:21.393 --> 00:19:25.094
They will be two years old for the rest of their life.

00:19:26.416 --> 00:19:36.868
Okay, well, and that's a worthwhile consideration to have, and maybe poorly phrased, maybe accurately, I'm not a doctor either, but still it's a worthwhile consideration, I think.

00:19:36.868 --> 00:19:40.230
But does that well, okay?

00:19:40.230 --> 00:19:43.732
So if that's the case, I think I see where this may be connecting.

00:19:43.732 --> 00:19:56.660
Probably then that child is going to learn very differently than the parents or any siblings or anything else, but probably to the same impact, through play.

00:19:56.660 --> 00:20:00.001
It's just a different modality of teaching, right.

00:20:01.002 --> 00:20:06.467
Correct, it's absolutely a different modality of teaching.

00:20:06.467 --> 00:20:18.259
Um, I, I will have parents who will tell me you know, I've been to this therapist, that speech therapist, that occupational therapist.

00:20:18.259 --> 00:20:20.662
What makes you different?

00:20:20.662 --> 00:20:24.772
Like, are you going to sit my kid down at a table?

00:20:24.772 --> 00:20:36.413
Cause they did, and I said no, it doesn't make sense to me to sit them at a table and force them to sit at a table when I see that they're moving around in their chair.

00:20:36.413 --> 00:20:40.612
Right, they're moving around, they're squiggling around, they're not even comfortable sitting in that chair.

00:20:40.612 --> 00:20:46.415
I see that they come into the door and they're jumping up and down.

00:20:46.415 --> 00:20:52.537
Right, why would I make them sit in a chair if they're moving all around and their mind isn't calm?

00:20:52.537 --> 00:20:54.532
The mind isn't calm, the body isn't calm.

00:20:54.532 --> 00:21:02.400
So we use play to help calm that body down.

00:21:02.400 --> 00:21:06.772
Right, and that might be sensory play.

00:21:06.772 --> 00:21:11.153
That might be swinging on a swing, that might be jumping on a trampoline.

00:21:11.153 --> 00:21:16.656
But even in those moments we can still do language therapy.

00:21:16.656 --> 00:21:23.805
Right, we can stop that swing, pause it, wait for that eye contact, let them swing again.

00:21:23.805 --> 00:21:33.730
We start building all of those skills slowly when we enter their world, building all of those skills slowly when we enter their world.

00:21:33.750 --> 00:21:36.859
If we force a child who doesn't understand our world right, doesn't understand what an adult means.

00:21:36.859 --> 00:21:38.203
They have no idea.

00:21:38.203 --> 00:21:39.868
They're like okay, you got to pay bills.

00:21:39.868 --> 00:21:40.672
What's that?

00:21:40.672 --> 00:21:41.394
The money tree?

00:21:41.394 --> 00:21:42.395
I don't know what that is.

00:21:42.395 --> 00:21:47.031
Children have no concept of what an adult is.

00:21:47.031 --> 00:21:48.635
They have no concept of what school is.

00:21:48.635 --> 00:21:50.719
They have none of these concepts.

00:21:50.719 --> 00:21:56.017
So why are we trying to put them in that box when they don't learn that way?

00:21:57.645 --> 00:21:57.865
Yeah.

00:21:58.027 --> 00:21:59.349
Let's meet them where they learn.

00:22:00.353 --> 00:22:21.769
Exactly that's what I was going to say, because we're talking cognition, right, we're talking cognitive processes of thinking, not the expectation that either a five, a 10, a 15 year old or a 35 year old at that comparable, you know, intellect level should know the exact same things, cause if that's the case, I have no idea what 80 year olds know.

00:22:21.769 --> 00:22:24.176
I haven't lived that long to learn the lessons.

00:22:24.176 --> 00:22:25.028
I'm not mature enough.

00:22:25.028 --> 00:22:25.491
You know what I mean.

00:22:25.491 --> 00:22:30.251
So if that's the case, I'm just as retarded by that definition and thought process.

00:22:30.251 --> 00:22:49.207
Then, because I have no idea the life lessons in the extent of maturity that comes with being 85, correct, um, as opposed to say, like we said, any kids or adult aged people with more childlike mentalities in terms of cognition and processing.

00:22:49.207 --> 00:23:00.913
And so when you have to work with all types of people cultures, ethnicities, like we said, cognitive development ages, whatever it is.

00:23:00.992 --> 00:23:11.897
But when you work with all types of people, the only thing that really stands out to me is probably the most consistent continuous challenge that I have to assume you face daily is patience.

00:23:11.897 --> 00:23:19.521
How do you actually develop patience and tolerance to stay focused, because you get stressed too.

00:23:19.521 --> 00:23:21.123
I mean, you're a human like anybody else.

00:23:21.123 --> 00:23:29.011
You know what I mean, when your stress levels go up and your cortisol goes up and you just want to grab something and yell into a pillow.

00:23:29.011 --> 00:23:30.678
You can't especially not in a session, I'm sure.

00:23:30.678 --> 00:23:32.122
So what do you do?

00:23:32.122 --> 00:23:34.711
You go down the slide, you get on a swing and a trampoline.

00:23:34.711 --> 00:23:35.796
I do the same thing.

00:23:38.288 --> 00:23:41.373
I do the same thing, so you bring up a good, good point.

00:23:41.373 --> 00:23:47.417
In order for children to learn, or even adults to learn right, our mind and our body need to be calm.

00:23:47.417 --> 00:23:59.915
And this comes from a personal perspective, because I also have adhd and I also have pmdd, so those two are extremely so.

00:23:59.915 --> 00:24:05.027
Pmdd, that is called pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder.

00:24:05.027 --> 00:24:12.680
So if you can imagine, pms on steroids, that's what it is.

00:24:12.759 --> 00:24:31.959
But all right, I'm with you so anybody who has that diagnosis no yeah so essentially what that diagnosis, on top of the adhd, causes extreme mood swings, extreme mood swings, and it only lasts for like a week, right.

00:24:32.239 --> 00:24:40.756
And those mood swings for me are I can get very angry easily, I get very anxious.

00:24:40.756 --> 00:24:55.166
So I need a lot more self regulation and tolerance and I have built into my routine throughout the day those breaks that I need for my brain and my body.

00:24:55.166 --> 00:25:00.636
So, for example, there are some therapists out there.

00:25:00.636 --> 00:25:07.848
They can work with families back to back in a clinic setting, and I have some therapists at my company that do.

00:25:07.848 --> 00:25:09.190
But I don't like that.

00:25:09.190 --> 00:25:12.531
I prefer being calm at all times.

00:25:12.531 --> 00:25:15.272
So for me, home health is where it's at.

00:25:15.272 --> 00:25:17.134
Home health is fire to me.

00:25:17.154 --> 00:25:20.436
Like three weeks ago it was a high, high emotional.

00:25:20.436 --> 00:25:37.078
The child had a meltdown, threw themselves on the floor, had headbanging, self-harming.

00:25:37.078 --> 00:25:40.252
It was a really, really tough session.

00:25:40.252 --> 00:25:47.670
When I get into my car it's completely silent and I drive in silence to my next house.

00:25:47.670 --> 00:25:56.060
So for me, I build in that routine to build up that patience and tolerance.

00:25:56.060 --> 00:26:08.814
The other thing, too, is knowing yourself and having good self-understanding of what you can and cannot tolerate.

00:26:08.814 --> 00:26:10.674
My patience level is extremely high, of what you can and cannot tolerate.

00:26:10.674 --> 00:26:14.637
My patience level is extremely high.

00:26:14.637 --> 00:26:16.078
Others are not.

00:26:16.078 --> 00:26:21.222
If you don't have a high patience level and that's just who you are generally as a person.

00:26:21.222 --> 00:26:25.144
That's kind of like your personality.

00:26:25.144 --> 00:26:26.707
One is it personality or two?

00:26:26.707 --> 00:26:30.897
Are there things that you need to work on yourself?

00:26:30.897 --> 00:26:39.790
Because I found that people who are really quick to anger there's something else going on.

00:26:39.790 --> 00:26:41.991
There's trauma behind that.

00:26:42.585 --> 00:26:45.494
There's something else that hasn't been worked out yet.

00:26:45.494 --> 00:26:51.513
So I always say for really good therapists.

00:26:51.513 --> 00:27:13.627
Typically you know they don't come from the best of backgrounds, but a lot of them have really done that inner work in their souls and in their hearts, with help from mental health counselors, whoever they got that, help from pastors, whoever it may be, to go through that journey.

00:27:13.627 --> 00:27:18.939
So you can not take actions personally.

00:27:21.425 --> 00:27:24.671
So for example, when a child goes into a tantrum.

00:27:24.671 --> 00:27:33.732
What a lot of times I will see on a parent's face is one, and what a lot of times I will see on a parent's face is one.

00:27:33.732 --> 00:27:34.979
Oh, I didn't want this to happen.

00:27:34.979 --> 00:27:41.047
I didn't want it to happen.

00:27:41.047 --> 00:27:41.547
Please make it stop.

00:27:41.547 --> 00:27:42.347
And I will see tears in the eyes.

00:27:42.347 --> 00:27:43.190
I've seen parents their hands shaking.

00:27:43.190 --> 00:27:51.000
I have seen parents who will just say, oh, he's just doing it to do it or she's just doing it to do it.

00:27:51.000 --> 00:27:59.750
But what I've noticed is it's coming from a place of.

00:27:59.750 --> 00:28:01.135
I'm taking it personally.

00:28:03.405 --> 00:28:05.852
Alrighty, folks sit tight, We'll be right back on Transacting Value.

00:28:08.605 --> 00:28:14.834
Alrighty folks, if you're looking for more perspective and more podcasts, you can check out Transacting Value on Reads Across America Radio.

00:28:14.834 --> 00:28:18.474
Listen in on iHeartRadio, odyssey and TuneIn.

00:28:21.986 --> 00:28:30.662
What I've noticed is it's coming from a place of I'm taking it personally, yeah.

00:28:30.701 --> 00:28:31.343
I'm taking it personally.

00:28:31.363 --> 00:28:32.204
Parent.

00:28:32.204 --> 00:28:35.154
Yeah, I'm taking it personally that you're tantruming over the.

00:28:35.154 --> 00:28:44.854
You know I gave you a red apple instead of a green apple today, and the kid is losing it, right.

00:28:44.854 --> 00:28:57.691
So they kind of take it personally, because in the back of their head they're like well, I did everything that I could as a parent in that moment to make you happy and you're still going to tantrum, Right.

00:28:58.291 --> 00:29:01.759
Okay, you're still Sure, I see the logic, yeah, yeah.

00:29:02.125 --> 00:29:03.126
So you're still going to do it.

00:29:03.146 --> 00:29:03.847
So then, what do you do?

00:29:03.847 --> 00:29:05.711
But yeah, so then, how?

00:29:05.711 --> 00:29:06.071
I mean how?

00:29:06.071 --> 00:29:08.134
Yeah, so then, how else could you perceive it?

00:29:08.134 --> 00:29:23.693
I'm assuming you've already gone the entire day, and this is not necessarily always first thing in the morning or middle of the day, when you're fresher, it's the end of the day, when you're smoked and you're like I just need slippers, sweatpants, ice cream, whatever it is, and now the apple.

00:29:23.693 --> 00:29:26.826
You got to be kidding, it's a Tuesday, I don't have time for this.

00:29:26.826 --> 00:29:28.811
How do you work that?

00:29:29.071 --> 00:29:36.737
It's such a multifaceted, complex situation, let alone whoever the individual is throwing the tantrum.

00:29:36.737 --> 00:29:46.530
Because I got to say this too I don't know specifically what that's like as a parent, as a child, as the individual here that you're describing, for example.

00:29:46.530 --> 00:29:50.357
I don't have much here that you're describing, for example.

00:29:50.357 --> 00:30:08.414
I don't have much resonance in that moment, but I have a fair amount of empathy for not having the vocabulary to be able to express what I'm frustrated about and the emotional burnout and the social battery that's not charged enough to communicate effectively and say I just need my space right now, I'll get my own apple.

00:30:08.414 --> 00:30:10.519
Thanks, mom, you know it's not.

00:30:10.519 --> 00:30:12.667
I get those moments.

00:30:12.667 --> 00:30:14.973
Is that what you're describing.

00:30:14.973 --> 00:30:16.037
Is that where you start?

00:30:16.037 --> 00:30:17.207
Is that how you explain it?

00:30:17.207 --> 00:30:18.609
How do you break this down?

00:30:19.392 --> 00:30:23.085
That's actually exactly how I break it down right.

00:30:23.085 --> 00:30:40.880
Okay, again, they are learning, they are, so you kind of have to, and it goes back to that patience and tolerance thing, right, and I always encourage parents especially.

00:30:40.880 --> 00:30:57.164
What is that thing that makes you okay, right?

00:30:57.164 --> 00:31:06.769
So what I mean is, for me, I purposely build in those moments of my day to make sure to calm my brain to make sure I touch base with myself and I say okay, you know, um, this makes me okay, this is my pattern.

00:31:06.971 --> 00:31:14.532
I know I'm gonna get in my car and I'm going to have a silent five minutes, or I'm going to eat my lunch in silence, or whatever it is to help calm my brain.

00:31:14.532 --> 00:31:24.131
So I always ask parents too what are your strategies for calming your brain, especially in those moments?

00:31:24.131 --> 00:31:26.890
What are your strategies?

00:31:27.089 --> 00:31:32.412
Okay To self-soothe, to set boundaries to however you want to frame it.

00:31:32.412 --> 00:31:33.955
I'm assuming it's all the same, right yeah?

00:31:33.976 --> 00:31:34.817
to self-regulate.

00:31:34.817 --> 00:31:45.895
Yeah, To me it kind of goes all in the same, because in order to respond with patience and tolerance, you have to know how to self-regulate yourself.

00:31:45.895 --> 00:31:48.970
It is the number one thing.

00:31:48.970 --> 00:31:53.670
I work on with a lot of parents and I'm not a mental health counselor.

00:31:53.670 --> 00:32:02.054
So I always say let's get some, if you're open to it, let's introduce some mental health counseling to work on these things.

00:32:03.455 --> 00:32:08.913
Because I see it, I see how tired they are in the eyes and I see how defeated they look.

00:32:08.913 --> 00:32:16.885
And first of all, I want to let all the parents know out there you're doing a great job, You're doing an amazing job and I'm tearing up right now.

00:32:16.885 --> 00:32:26.932
I know you don't see it, but you're doing an amazing job and I appreciate everything you guys do every single day and I am, my team and myself.

00:32:26.932 --> 00:32:32.701
We consider ourselves privileged to work with your families and to work with your children.

00:32:32.701 --> 00:32:34.511
So I just wanted to throw that out there.

00:32:34.511 --> 00:32:37.949
But you know a lot of.

00:32:37.949 --> 00:32:42.595
To get back onto track, it's a lot of.

00:32:42.595 --> 00:32:55.403
What I do is self-regulation in those moments, even within myself, Because I have to be self-regulated so I can help the parent and I have to be self-regulated to help the kid in those moments, even within myself, because I have to be self-regulated so I can help the parent, and I have to be self-regulated to help the kid in those moments.

00:32:55.403 --> 00:33:10.442
So you have to learn what works for you, and sometimes that means recognizing my child's cry is actually a trigger well is that a problem.

00:33:10.481 --> 00:33:11.423
Is it always a bad thing?

00:33:11.423 --> 00:33:12.405
Yeah, for what?

00:33:13.849 --> 00:33:14.131
well.

00:33:14.131 --> 00:33:20.911
So for some people that actually bring up trauma when they hear that's what I mean like, yeah, I can't.

00:33:21.010 --> 00:33:24.260
I, you know you, you blame yourself, you feel guilty and shame and whatever.

00:33:24.260 --> 00:33:27.458
Like adoptions happen all the time because I can't deal with this kid crying anymore.

00:33:27.458 --> 00:33:29.964
You know like, but is it always a bad thing?

00:33:29.964 --> 00:33:31.175
You said, is a trigger?

00:33:31.175 --> 00:33:35.685
Can it be a good, a trigger for a catalyst for good or something?

00:33:35.685 --> 00:33:36.728
Is that ever possible?

00:33:37.654 --> 00:33:41.193
Yes, I think it is and I do see it in some cases.

00:33:41.556 --> 00:33:54.936
So, for example, we work with a lot of foster families and we work with a lot of single parents Single parents, either single parents by choice, single parents or divorce, whatever it may be.

00:33:54.936 --> 00:34:04.710
And so a lot of them these, they are super humans like I.

00:34:04.710 --> 00:34:10.382
It is like their body goes into this fight or flight response.

00:34:10.382 --> 00:34:15.135
That is just incredible, and I learned just as much from them too.

00:34:15.135 --> 00:34:34.079
So the trigger can go either way, and then sometimes the trigger goes in a good way, in a sense of I had a parent look at me, I want to say, a month ago when this happened, and they said ago when this happened, and they said I need to walk away.

00:34:34.079 --> 00:34:37.085
And I congratulated them for communicating that to me.

00:34:37.085 --> 00:34:46.710
And they said I need you to be the stronger person right now.

00:34:46.710 --> 00:34:47.132
I need to walk away.

00:34:47.132 --> 00:34:49.987
And I was like, well, actually you're being the stronger person because you are walking away from the situation.

00:34:49.987 --> 00:34:51.114
You're being the stronger person.

00:34:51.114 --> 00:34:57.304
And then, also, to go hand in hand with that, what led to that moment is I modeled that moment.

00:34:58.755 --> 00:34:59.900
You modeled that moment.

00:35:00.615 --> 00:35:01.920
So I modeled.

00:35:01.920 --> 00:35:02.282
So.

00:35:02.282 --> 00:35:08.786
For example, it happened like two weeks before that parent walked out.

00:35:08.786 --> 00:35:23.039
I walked out and I looked at the parent and I said I need to take a break, I need to take a break, and I need to take a break because I feel I just feel anxious right now and I don't feel good and I need to walk away.

00:35:23.039 --> 00:35:24.885
And that's what I did.

00:35:25.155 --> 00:35:25.275
OK.

00:35:25.436 --> 00:35:33.474
I walked away for 10 minutes and then I came back in the session and then they did it, you know, a couple of weeks later, go ahead.

00:35:33.554 --> 00:35:55.222
I have a question about that real quick, yeah, yeah, just, I don't know sort of a devil's advocate point here or counterpoint I'm not sure the right word here but I think there's a certain amount of necessity to identify and develop tolerances for different things and then, obviously, the awareness of whatever they are.

00:35:55.757 --> 00:36:07.539
I think that's important and I think to be able to say this is one of those moments I've I've hit my line, either explicitly out loud or in your head, and then take the whatever resulting action.

00:36:07.539 --> 00:36:27.048
But I also think it's important and maybe this is from my, you know, military background or or whatever martial arts, whatever, it is just my own perspective that you got to push it sometimes too, yes, and you learn discipline and resilience and structure to chaos, for whatever life breeds.

00:36:27.048 --> 00:36:31.119
Where's the balance for that?

00:36:31.119 --> 00:36:35.347
How do you determine the way to adjust?

00:36:35.347 --> 00:36:49.425
Okay, now I'm walking away, but now I'm going to sit here and deal with it as an individual, not necessarily as a therapist or as a parent, you know, just in the introspective realm here.

00:36:49.425 --> 00:36:51.570
How do you balance the two?

00:36:51.570 --> 00:36:53.382
Because there's a time and place for both.

00:36:54.876 --> 00:37:04.018
I absolutely agree with you and again, it's a very, very individual response and it goes back to knowing yourself.

00:37:04.018 --> 00:37:07.405
It really goes back to knowing yourself.

00:37:07.405 --> 00:37:10.268
Let me put it this way.

00:37:10.268 --> 00:37:14.418
I can put it from my perspective than trying to take it from somebody else's perspective.

00:37:14.619 --> 00:37:15.519
Yeah, sure, sure.

00:37:16.081 --> 00:37:29.563
So for me and I've done it, I don't do it's very rare during a session where I say, hey, I need to take a break for five minutes, but typically I will tell you before I get to that point.

00:37:29.563 --> 00:38:00.500
I've already seen four or five different families and it has just been one of those days back to back where it's just been a rough day and you're going to have those, and I just got to a point where I was like, okay, I really need to take a step back, and usually, typically for me, it's when my thoughts go negative, as soon as my thoughts tell me I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it.

00:38:01.797 --> 00:38:04.664
Or my thought turns into I don't know what to do.

00:38:04.664 --> 00:38:16.443
And when my thought goes to I don't know what to do, I have to tell myself it's probably more likely my ADHD taking over and those negative thoughts from that taking over.

00:38:16.443 --> 00:38:21.784
So I need to go take a step out, take five minutes maybe, listen for me.

00:38:21.784 --> 00:38:28.626
Sometimes I'll I'll listen to like smooth jazz or something like that, just to recalibrate my brain, and then I'll come back.

00:38:30.815 --> 00:38:33.264
Alrighty, folks sit tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

00:38:36.916 --> 00:38:44.487
This message is brought to you by TogetherWeServedcom, a leading online community of over 2.3 million veterans.

00:38:44.487 --> 00:38:55.065
Launched in 2003 and run by veterans, togetherweservedcom provides its veteran members an easy way to stay connected and take pride in their service.

00:38:55.065 --> 00:39:05.769
Using its powerful search engine, veterans can find people they served with in the units, ships, bases or squadrons they were assigned to, and get in touch.

00:39:05.769 --> 00:39:18.784
Full military service history, from enlistment to separation, including all memories and associated photos, is preserved for posterity on their service profile.

00:39:18.784 --> 00:39:27.317
This history is also made available for free in beautifully illustrated presentations that can be shared, printed or framed.

00:39:27.317 --> 00:39:31.086
If you served, visit TogetherWeServedcom.

00:39:31.086 --> 00:39:33.077
If you served, visit TogetherWeServedcom.

00:39:35.961 --> 00:39:42.170
I have to tell myself it's probably more than likely my ADHD taking over and those negative thoughts from that taking over.

00:39:42.170 --> 00:39:48.538
So I need to go, take a step out, take five minutes maybe, listen For me.

00:39:48.538 --> 00:39:54.449
Sometimes I'll listen to like smooth jazz or something like that, just to recalibrate my brain, and then I'll come back.

00:39:55.717 --> 00:40:01.759
I totally get it, like the threshold between I'm hungry and I'm hangry, but it's the same degree of awareness.

00:40:01.759 --> 00:40:04.143
Yeah, absolutely, I got you.

00:40:04.143 --> 00:40:05.708
I got you.

00:40:05.708 --> 00:40:30.614
Let me ask you this then, real quick, not to necessarily derail your train of thought but I think it's also important to understand that from just a human, an individual human perspective here not as a patient, not as a child, not as a parent, none of these other qualifiers that there's an art and a science to humanity, and in this case, raising ourselves, let alone each other, where the science is what we're describing right.

00:40:30.614 --> 00:40:36.467
But then the art is maybe the awareness or the expression of it, or ability to communicate it in some way or form or fashion.

00:40:36.467 --> 00:40:38.297
But what grounds it?

00:40:38.297 --> 00:40:47.000
In my opinion, your, your character is what you can fall back on, and maybe the value systems are what anchor it.

00:40:47.000 --> 00:41:01.324
So, in these times, when you start to develop your tolerance or or press your threshold for these types of things, that's what you can lean back on, like that's, that's the trust fall, it's your value system that's catching you, you know, or something to that effect.

00:41:01.324 --> 00:41:06.302
So let me ask you this real quick this is a segment of the show called developing character.

00:41:06.302 --> 00:41:09.110
D d d developing character.

00:41:10.653 --> 00:41:18.143