Transformative Journeys from Rigidity to Mindful Living

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Welcome to Transacting Value, where we talk about practical applications for personal values when dealing with each other and even within ourselves.

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Where we foster a podcast listening experience that lets you hear the power of a value system for managing burnout, establishing boundaries and finding belonging.

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My name is Josh Porthouse, I'm your host and we are your people.

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This is why values still hold value.

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This is Transacting Value.

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That's really what it comes down to is switching your mindset from this fear-based mindset into a more loving, grateful mindset, and that's where true magic happens.

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That's where you're able to rewrite the story.

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Today on Transacting Value.

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I bet you thought growing up and becoming an adult was a relatively simple process.

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I bet you thought that there were always going to be opportunities for you to learn something and process in hindsight.

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But as long as you were grounded in what you were raised on, you'd be okay and most of the time you'd be right.

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What happens when you're not?

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More importantly, what happens when you realize what you learned and what you were raised on doesn't actually match who you are?

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You're just filling a role.

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This conversation with Jessa Frances is all about that growth, how she went from the military and the Air Force and her relationships and eventually her business, untoxicated, what that has to do with meditation, yoga, non-alcoholics and, all things considered, self-awareness and alignment.

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Guys, without further ado, I'm Porter, I'm your host and this is Transacting Value.

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Jessa, what's up?

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How are you doing?

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I'm good.

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How are you?

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Thank you so much for having me.

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Absolutely.

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Thanks for taking some time out of your day to have us.

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Yeah, no, this is great.

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I love, love, love what you're doing.

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I love what you're talking about.

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I think it's so needed.

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It's something I'm really passionate about, so definitely happy to be here.

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Well, thanks, thanks for saying that.

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Now you actually built a business around what value systems, mindfulness, what's the what's the angle?

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Mindfulness basically.

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So you know, like, just to give you a little bit of a background, I'm a little country, bumpkin, indiana girl that joined the military when I was 18, just trying to go see the big world, and had no idea what I was doing.

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And I had a did a four year enlistment.

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I just kind of follow life according to what I thought life was supposed to be.

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So I ended up marrying young, having kids young, and I lost myself in it and I ended up feeling like I didn't know who I was.

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And so my journey to mindfulness was actually started with this like deep desire to know who I was, and I felt so kind of lost in what I was supposed to do and who I was supposed to be.

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And you know from the military how I was supposed to walk, talk and dress and everything.

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Like everything seemed to have been set up for me, and so I wanted really badly to to take a little more control of my life, but I had to know who I was and what I wanted to even get there.

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How do you do it?

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How do you start?

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What'd you do In the military?

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I was a TMO in the Air Force, which is just traffic management operations, and that wasn't definitely not something I really wanted long term.

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But both my parents were heavy equipment construction workers, so it kind of like fit the mold of who I thought.

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I was Sure, but then I was like, you know, wife and mother, and that's who I thought I should be next.

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You know like I just was following, like hopping from one box into the next box, and eventually it all just came crumbling down.

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Marriage ended and I had to basically start completely over and one of the things that had always been on my heart was writing.

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I had been a writer and since I don't know, I started journaling and stuff when I was in like the fourth grade or something and I was like, well, I'll get an English degree, okay.

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And then I started writing memoirs and through the memoir writing I started figuring out me.

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You know cause I'm writing it all out and I'm having these epiphanies and I'm like I was writing out my parents values, what my parents thoughts and feelings were, what what this world was that I was born into, and so I was like, oh, no wonder I thought and felt and acted and did exactly what I did, because that was what I was taught.

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Those were their values.

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Like my parents' biggest value my parents, the biggest gem that they held in their hand right was hard work.

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This is this is it.

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This is what you do in life.

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You work hard, and it's the American dream and anything you want comes from this really hard work.

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Like my family were all farmers or construction workers or you know, and so that was it.

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And so if I was not working and accomplishing something, I felt like my life had no value.

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I felt like my life, I like I had no worth if I was not working and like getting something done.

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So then I was like, ok, that's great and all, but is that really what I want?

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Who I am?

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Well, I even pulled up a list of all the different values you could have and like started, you know pulling out like, yeah, and so anyways, my my degree, my English degree, ended up turning into a creative writing master's degree that was focused on memoir in particular.

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So everything I wrote was all these different themed portions of my life.

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I wrote about my time in the military and deployments and this coming of age.

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I wrote about motherhood, I wrote about childhood, and that's kind of what memoir is.

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Is's autobiography, but themed, so you can pick and pull from different parts of your life to meet a theme, such as hard work, such as a specific value, if you wanted it to be like where, where did that value show up in your life?

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Right, and then I started creating these workshops and really what it came down to was I wanted other people to find, like, that sense of consciousness, that sense of awakening, that sense of self, that meaning and purpose that you feel that you can really ground yourself in Because they really they say that one of the best things that you can really ground yourself in Because they really they say that one of the best things that you can do for yourself and to add to your life is to know that your life has meaning.

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And when you know yourself and you have these values, that's when you start feeling all of that meaning.

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That's when you can build a mission statement and be like.

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You have more joy, just right there.

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You have more gratitude, you have more like I'm going to get out of bed and I'm going to accomplish something, but it's not like just for the sake of accomplishment, it's for the sake of something that you have on your heart.

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You said you're a mom so you have one kid, multiple kids, bunch of kids.

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I have three, three kids, so I'm assuming all different ages, not triplets.

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No 17, 14, and nine.

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Yikes, congratulations, almost done.

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So you have actually pretty distinctly different phases for each one of your kids.

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How do you explain that any of this means anything?

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You know what I mean, cause this is all sort of higher order thoughts.

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This isn't like mom, I'm hungry.

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Where are the chicken nugs?

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You know there's a there's a line between their sports games, homework and yeah, but who are you today?

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You know you're like whoa, I got to do math.

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How about we just back off mom?

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You know what do you?

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How do you?

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How do you work it?

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How do you explain it?

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Or do you?

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Oh goodness, okay, Well, it's funny to me that you bring this up.

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Like the other day it was, um, I actually started up my own podcast and the other day I was dropping my daughter off at school and I had gone into like this lecture because I cannot help myself but be like.

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I think it was it had something to do with her being on her cell phone too much and you need to, like, be present in life, or something like that.

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And and always I give it in a very, very loving way.

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So she knows, I want her to know that I'm not preaching at her, right, and she, she like shakes her head and she's getting ready to get out of the car and she says, mom, I love you, but sometimes you talk too much.

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And I was like, oh well, I'm going to start a podcast so I can talk to everyone about this, because, yeah, I talk about these things with my kids, probably a little too much, and it's it's kind of cool because each kid being at these different stages for example, my who's 17, is getting ready to take on adulthood.

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So I'm even more like you know, it's okay that you don't know exactly what you want to do in your life right now, and it is okay if you, you know, need to get a job or go to school or you know like I just want him to feel seen, heard, loved, supported.

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But to also know that setting intentions, to just show up is a big deal and that it's also okay that at 17, you don't know what your values and your mission statement is.

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All right, folks, sit tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

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That's afvclubcom to just show up is a is a big deal, and that it's also okay.

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That at 17 you don't know what your values and your mission statement is.

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You know, there there's a lot to learn.

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Yeah, I mean, let's be real at 17, you don't even know how to text and drive safely yet no okay, but there's, you know, there there really are a lot of things that my son he just turned 10 a couple months ago and he likes anime and manga type stories, obviously video games like pretty much every other 10 year old.

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Yeah, what is?

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it with anime, well, and so one of the things we were talking about, he's a pretty hyper morning kid, I'm not Right.

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And so, yeah, so Sunday morning we wake up 10, 15 minutes into the morning and he's doing laps around the coffee table.

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Okay, and I said I was in the kitchen and I say, hey, buddy, you need to figure out a way to control some of your energy.

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Now it fine, it's not a problem.

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But when you're older, you know times and places.

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You can't do that when you're an adult.

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And so he said, but why is it a problem?

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I said, well, one, I wasn't expecting a response.

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Two, I haven't had any coffee yet and three, I need to stall right.

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So I said, well, actually we were talking about Naruto and Dragon Ball Z, if you're familiar with either of those.

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And in those shows, every character the main one or not, doesn't really matter Every character, you know this sort of conceptual hero's journey starts sort of oblivious, and they're just existing, jellyfishing through the environment, Right.

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And then there's some sort of trial, and then there's some sort of reckoning and realization that like, oh, I do have some control over this.

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And then once they gain awareness about themselves and control over what they're able to do, their abilities or whatever they can, you know, shoot, energy blasts and fly and whatever comes from it.

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Well, so that's what I explained to him.

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I said look man, like you can be hyper, that's fine.

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Him I said look man, like you can be hyper, that's fine.

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But I bet you as hyper as goku was as a kid.

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It wasn't until he learned to control it that he learned to fly and then he could do whatever he wanted.

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And he said all right, dad, I'm gonna learn to fly.

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I said well, hang on now.

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You know we gotta temper this, but it was things, I think like that, at least, aren't as publicly carried over.

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This aspect of mindfulness, I mean, look, tai Chi Eastern medicine, for that matter has been around for thousands of years saying, in my opinion, in loose translation, exactly the same things you're saying as being beneficial.

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And you know, here we are in the US, what 250 some years later saying well, maybe there's something to it, I don't know.

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I think it's such an overlooked and underrated concept.

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And so now you've turned this, like you said, into a business.

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You work with what individuals, businesses, groups.

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I do nature retreats, I do one on one, I do one on one and I have kind of a side business as well, called Untoxicated, that focus specifically on mindful drinking and owning your relationship with alcohol.

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Mindful drinking, so like remembering how many kids to combine, but they do they.

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they combine a lot because there's no mindful drinking without mindful thinking, which segues a lot into the um.

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You know like we need to figure out who we are, we need to uncover our limiting beliefs, we need to know what our values all of those things to be able to own anything that we're doing in life, whether it's consuming alcohol, food, tv, social media, etc well, I guess I'm a little confused.

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I don't understand, because you're right, I don't see how it lines up.

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What are you talking about Exactly?

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What is mindful drinking?

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I guess let's just start there.

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Okay, yeah, so I got my degree right.

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Let's go back a little bit.

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I got my degree in creative writing and I didn't really know what to do with it first thing, and I was still kind of struggling, newly divorced, everything.

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My whole life had kind of turned topsy-turvy and I kept applying to all these different kinds of jobs editorial jobs I thought maybe I could be a freelance writer.

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I was trying all these things and I couldn't pay the bills.

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So I started working task rabbit, helping people with their lawns, helping people pack and move, helping people clean there are all kinds of things, these tasks right.

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And I got hired by this woman who wanted her living room painted.

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I'm the jack of all trades type and I'm like, okay, sure, I'll go in there and I'm going to paint this living room and I did.

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While I'm in there she's just kind of being friendly and we're just talking and I was like, yeah, this military background, distribution, and I just got my degree in creative writing, trying to figure things out, and she's like, well, I'm getting ready to open up a bottle shop.

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Um, it's kind of different, it's a new thing, um, but I could use somebody like you to help me with both, with like writing for the website and maybe helping me in the warehouse.

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So, yeah, sure, I mean I would love to.

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I'm looking for opportunities, right.

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Well, this ends up being a non-alcoholic bottle shop, okay with hundreds of products that are non-alcoholic.

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So you've got non-alcoholic beer, wine, you have non-alcoholic tequila, rum, whiskey, non-alcoholic everything.

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There's non-alcoholic functional drinks that have adaptogens to help lower your stress levels, like water, and boost your serotonin, yes, and actually make you feel good.

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So I was like, wow, my mind is blown.

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I'm blue collar girl, military, you know, had been, definitely, you know, sipping on whiskey.

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And I was like, wow, this, this is really cool.

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And at that time I'm thinking I had start coming up with my memoir writing program and I had started coming up with this idea of nature, retreats and writing retreats and I was like these products could go really well.

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So I latched on.

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And the next thing I know I have become a non-alcoholic beverage expert and one of the only people in this area.

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Yeah, and now I own a non-alcoholic beverage consultancy that helps education, sales and all of these things, and it brings in more people into my holistic journaling and writing courses than anything else, because people who are struggling with alcoholism need support and love.

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In the mental health area.

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They need support and health and love, and I'm also a trauma-informed yoga teacher.

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So I have combined all of these things into what is now um, the Caim Circle uh, caim is a is a Gaelic word.

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It's a symbol of sanctuary, protection and love.

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And, um, I'm, I've just always loved this symbol.

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I'm Scottish, and it's this beautiful symbol and I invite people into the circle to feel safety, to feel supported, feel loved, where they can seek the holistic mind, body, energy support that they need.

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And, yeah, so people come to me from from this sales of alcohol-free beverages, looking for ownership of their relationship with alcohol, with these products, and I say you know, there's also breathing and yoga and writing.

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Yeah, okay all, I think there's a lot of important pieces to unpack out of this, like you know, and it could be from any direction, I think, and I really don't know how to prioritize this.

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But on one hand, you gave yourself an ability to be vulnerable and, obviously, to be humbled, and then so you start TaskRabbit, which gives you the opportunity to network and learn how to build relationships and learn how to communicate with different people, different biases, different backgrounds, I don't know perspectives, obviously, jobs, incomes, whatever living situations they're in, yeah, and then gives you time to process and transition and just exhale because now you got some income, you're not just starving as much anymore yes, yes.

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Yes.

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And then you happen to meet my rent.

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Right, yeah, and then you happen to meet living room lady and she happens to have an opportunity that you're able to take on, right.

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So timing plays a factor here.

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But then I don't know the order of events necessarily, but then you end up working through this opportunity.

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How did you identify in that process?

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I like yoga too, and you know this non-alcoholic rum goes pretty great in downward dog or something I don't know like.

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How do you?

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What's the overlap?

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here.

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I I guess I'm a total believer in the fact that I I'm really starting to feel like the universe has my back, because there's so many serendipitous things that have happened to me, like this yeah and I've never been like a woo-woo person, but I can't help but kind of be a person after, like, all of these things have taken place yeah so I'm working at this bottle shop, I get this opportunity to work and I take it and I fall in love with the products, with the mission, with this mindful drinking, like this idea of owning your relationship with alcohol.

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I I'm interviewing all the different brands, getting to know them, you know, and I fall like head over heels for the NA space and what it represents, because 80% of the people that are drinking these non-alcoholic products still drink.

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They're just like I just need to have more control of my life.

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So, anyhow, I'm working this job and I've been working it for going on two years.

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I've become the director of brand operations and partnerships and I'm a founding member of this store, yes, but then my ex-husband, who was stationed very close to me at that time, gets orders and gets stationed several states away, and so of course I'm like well, now what?

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yeah, you know and I talked to, you know, my co-founder, the, the founder of the, the business, and she needs my ro roi to be tied to the store.

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And I was like I have to be able to be remote.

00:22:30.990 --> 00:23:01.155
And so we, when we come to this place with this understanding that I'm gonna have to figure out how to go forth now and so I, that's when I start up a non-alcoholic beverage consultancy, which is called Untoxicated, and I take all my knowledge and everything I know about these alcohol-free products and all of my connections within that space on the road with me and I just, you know, I'm like, well, I don't know if I want to do this forever.

00:23:01.155 --> 00:23:16.192
I do feel connected to it, I do have all this knowledge, I know it can be helpful, but I still know that I really want to do these retreats, I really want to run this, this writing program, but I just I'm having faith that it's all going to come together.

00:23:16.192 --> 00:23:33.586
And so, one thing after another, I get connected with more and more different people and and I get invited to some retreats and I'm like this see, see, it's all working out and I'm bringing in the alcohol free products to their retreats.

00:23:34.126 --> 00:23:39.538
Next thing, I know I have fallen head over feel of head over feet in love with yoga.

00:23:39.538 --> 00:23:48.494
I am just like, oh my gosh, I want to do this all the time and I'm still trying to figure out how to build this business and make money.

00:23:48.494 --> 00:23:57.642
And one of the retreat leaders is like you know if he became a yoga instructor, you'd always have a job, you'd always be able to do yoga, you'd always be able to teach.

00:23:57.642 --> 00:24:00.048
And I was like you know what I'm gonna do it.

00:24:00.048 --> 00:24:08.164
And next thing, I know I am running Untoxicated, but then I begin my yoga teacher training.

00:24:08.164 --> 00:24:16.599
And next thing, I know I'm certified in prenatal restorative meditation, breath work, all these things that come along with it.

00:24:16.599 --> 00:24:40.039
And at the same time, my heart is just bleeding out these programs and just I'm writing out all these different ways to blend the body movement, the breath work, the journaling and writing practices, while still running my alcohol free business, which seems to be bringing in people into the circle.

00:24:40.039 --> 00:24:43.670
All right, folks, we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

00:24:45.554 --> 00:24:52.791
Join us for Transacting Value, where we discuss practical applications of personal values, every Monday at 9 am on our website, transactingvaluepodcast.

00:24:52.791 --> 00:24:54.636
com.

00:24:54.636 --> 00:24:57.691
Wednesdays at 5 pm and Sundays at noon on wreathsacrossamerica.

00:24:57.691 --> 00:25:00.718
org/ radio.

00:25:03.105 --> 00:25:19.596
I'm writing out all these different ways to blend the body movement, the breath work, the journaling and writing practices, while still running my alcohol-free business, which seems to be bringing in people into the circle.

00:25:19.596 --> 00:25:22.951
And it's all just now.

00:25:22.951 --> 00:25:23.954
It's me.

00:25:25.406 --> 00:25:38.314
You know, it is pretty wild how, when you give yourself an opportunity and I mean this in a general sense, how anybody, or how, when anybody gives themselves an opportunity to be able to, what was the?

00:25:38.314 --> 00:25:38.615
Uh?

00:25:38.615 --> 00:25:39.959
It was in the Avengers.

00:25:39.959 --> 00:25:40.480
What did he say?

00:25:40.480 --> 00:25:56.338
Oh, when he was talking to Thor, he said, oh, you just took the full force of a neutron star, Thor, you know, and it's like you give yourself the ability to just sort of receive the universe as it is and not just experience it but try to interpret it and not control it, but, like, take some advice from it.

00:25:56.338 --> 00:25:59.989
Surrender, yeah, yeah, I think that might be.

00:25:59.989 --> 00:26:09.157
Yeah, maybe I think that might be a little strong, but you know, in hindsight you might be right, because I did a lot the same.

00:26:09.817 --> 00:26:21.510
You know, I started working through this podcast as a therapy for me to process whatever I had to deal with mentally and I guess, maybe emotionally I don't, I don't cry on the microphone, but you know after.

00:26:21.510 --> 00:26:48.451
But I have the uh, the opportunity to talk with all sorts of different people, obviously like yourself, and then gain a little bit of depth and understanding for people and what we maybe have in common, like value systems in a generic sense or specific ones, maybe even sometimes and I think it maybe provided an opportunity that I didn't realize was going to happen to just start over and I didn't even realize I needed it.

00:26:48.451 --> 00:26:52.748
But in hindsight I did and I'm not even the same person.

00:26:52.748 --> 00:26:54.492
I was a few years ago when this got started.

00:26:54.492 --> 00:27:01.016
Because of talking to people like you and I assume a lot of what you've experienced over the last how many years now?

00:27:01.016 --> 00:27:01.758
Four or five.

00:27:03.227 --> 00:27:04.612
I would say six or seven.

00:27:05.185 --> 00:27:18.114
So over the last six or seven years you're probably nowhere near the same person you were then oh yeah, no, a huge shift yeah, more flexible, I'm assuming, and, like you know, more knowledgeable, I'm assuming.

00:27:18.114 --> 00:27:27.134
But like, in terms of dealing and working with people, even communicating with people or resonating with people, I assume it's just been a huge transformation for you.

00:27:27.794 --> 00:27:30.577
I think about it as like coming out of a cave.

00:27:30.577 --> 00:27:37.874
It's like I had been enclosed in the dark and I had no idea that I was.

00:27:37.874 --> 00:27:50.814
And then I come out and there's like this whole world and the sunlight and all these different ways of it was just a completely different world, almost the transformation for me.

00:27:50.814 --> 00:27:52.715
It was so massive.

00:27:52.715 --> 00:27:58.601
It completely changed how I felt about myself, how I saw the world, everything.

00:27:59.300 --> 00:28:00.082
Well, okay.

00:28:00.082 --> 00:28:05.010
So let's back up for a second and establish a little bit of I don't know grounding.

00:28:05.010 --> 00:28:09.790
I guess this is a segment of the show called developing character, developing character.

00:28:10.185 --> 00:28:19.162
And now for anybody new to the show, and obviously just for you, two questions is vulnerable or as in-depth as you care to answer, but yeah, I'm curious then.

00:28:19.162 --> 00:28:29.685
So we're talking at a point now where you've shifted and grown and you're a butterfly now, right, so let's go before that.

00:28:29.685 --> 00:28:32.292
So my first question, again based on value systems here.

00:28:32.292 --> 00:28:44.415
My first question is you mentioned hard work earlier, but what were some of the values that you were brought up around or exposed to or just sort of you know, took in because you were there on them?

00:28:45.041 --> 00:28:45.423
yeah.

00:28:45.423 --> 00:28:48.751
So this is another kind of curveball about me.

00:28:48.751 --> 00:28:51.559
I am also a secondary black belt in taekwondo.

00:28:51.559 --> 00:28:53.982
I grew up in martial arts.

00:28:53.982 --> 00:29:04.753
My whole family did it together and if you have ever been in taekwondo you know that, um, you scream at the top of your lungs tenants.

00:29:05.174 --> 00:29:13.392
That are these values, and these tenants were besides what my parents actually portrayed.

00:29:13.392 --> 00:29:15.401
You know, and that's the difference.

00:29:15.401 --> 00:29:22.221
It's like you may say, courage and integrity and abdominal spirit, right, um, and self-control.

00:29:22.221 --> 00:29:23.892
Those were the ones like self-control, courage, integrity and abdominal spirit, right and self control.

00:29:23.892 --> 00:29:26.549
Those were the ones like self control, courage, integrity, abdominal spirit.

00:29:26.549 --> 00:29:35.363
But what you actually do in life versus what you say are different things.

00:29:35.482 --> 00:30:06.576
And that's what I really uncovered with my memoir writing was that I had always thought that these were my values, but then when I took a magnifying glass and I looked in and read that fine print, I was able to uncover that with my family, I mean, besides hard work, it was things like to me and looking back, there was no real, I'd like to say there was honesty, but it wasn't a big deal.

00:30:06.759 --> 00:30:16.153
But it was a big deal to be brave, you know, it was a big deal to be fearless.

00:30:16.153 --> 00:30:27.222
So, in order to really work hard and dig your heels in, you had to be tough, right, and so that was like this toughness.

00:30:27.222 --> 00:30:32.692
I actually like I was one of those girls who hated it.

00:30:32.692 --> 00:30:36.204
If a guy opened my door, I can do it myself, like I was.

00:30:36.204 --> 00:30:42.585
Just I can do anything, you know, and my mother was also a heavy equipment construction worker.

00:30:42.585 --> 00:30:46.743
So, you know, it was both my parents and so the women in my life.

00:30:46.743 --> 00:31:08.136
I had electricians, construction workers, you know, and so is both the men and the women, and so this toughness, this ability to to grin and bear it and to get through anything, no matter what, I mean that was the thing.

00:31:08.859 --> 00:31:12.049
Well, and I imagine that was a great foundation for you.

00:31:12.759 --> 00:31:13.922
No, absolutely.

00:31:13.922 --> 00:31:17.548
I mean, it served me well in my life.

00:31:17.548 --> 00:31:23.688
Perseverance, I would say, is a big one, right, and that's still one of my main.

00:31:23.688 --> 00:31:56.339
That is one that I have held on to, that is one that I have not let go of, because being able to be adaptable and persevere no matter what life throws at you, you know, and my dad actually has this story, his story of life is that you're walking along the road and life is just throwing like crap at you, right, and sometimes it's like little crap balls and you're wiping them off your face and you just keep going.

00:31:56.339 --> 00:32:04.991
And other times you just get hammered, laid out, you're in a pile of fertilizer, you're done.

00:32:04.991 --> 00:32:12.673
It takes you a little longer to get up, to clean yourself off and then to get back up again and keep going.

00:32:12.673 --> 00:32:18.053
So perseverance, you know, was definitely a big one.

00:32:18.441 --> 00:32:20.166
You know, it's interesting.

00:32:20.166 --> 00:32:25.743
You mentioned that we actually, I guess, similarly rooted I don't know in that fertilizer.

00:32:25.743 --> 00:32:53.101
I got my third degree black belt, actually in Taekwondo, and it was the same exact tenants that, going through high school I was an instructor for an after school program and so all the kids would come in on the buses and we'd have two hours right, an hour for homework, an hour for class, and parents would show up and then I'd train in the evenings and so, you know, by the time I got home it was 10, 10 30 every night, and then I'd leave high school the next day, three, 30 or four go to work till 10, 10, 30.

00:32:53.101 --> 00:33:02.172
And you know, and that was my entire high school existence, but similar to your point, I just took it, you know, like that's just what it was.

00:33:02.172 --> 00:33:13.924
You say, okay, well, yeah, integrity is important and self-control and all these things, and well, it's like you said, when you know, when you're 17, you don't think quite so critically, you just do.

00:33:13.924 --> 00:33:29.108
And I think it's a blessing in disguise, because it gives you theoretically, 18 years to just experience life without worrying too much and then learn the lessons later.

00:33:29.108 --> 00:33:31.436
And I think there's a lot of that in business.

00:33:31.436 --> 00:33:34.265
I think there's a lot of that in families and relationships.

00:33:34.265 --> 00:33:37.291
Fifth grade science experiments, you know what?

00:33:37.291 --> 00:33:41.692
Just collect the data first, just see what happens, and then we'll process it once it all comes in.

00:33:43.182 --> 00:33:51.257
I got off my active contract in the Marine Corps a couple months ago, so I'm in the reserves now, and I went and got my real estate license, similar to what you said.

00:33:51.257 --> 00:33:54.165
Once you're looking for something to do, you're like well, let me see what I want to do.

00:33:54.165 --> 00:34:05.688
You ended up on yoga, I ended up on real estate, but it was a similar sounding point of existence, like I don't really know what to do with my hands right now, but I know they can do stuff.

00:34:05.688 --> 00:34:12.789
So let me see, you know, let me see where this goes, and it wasn't until probably just the last month or two.

00:34:12.789 --> 00:34:14.333
Similar to your point.

00:34:14.920 --> 00:34:22.608
I started seeing how some of these values overlap and some of these like conversations like this turn into conversations with buyers or sellers.

00:34:22.608 --> 00:34:26.045
For example, what kind of a house are you looking for?

00:34:26.045 --> 00:34:27.050
One with three bedrooms?

00:34:27.050 --> 00:34:28.264
Well, aren't we all, Steve?

00:34:28.264 --> 00:34:29.746
Let's move beyond that.

00:34:29.746 --> 00:34:39.577
There's also opportunities, though, where, if you really do value quality time with yourself or with your family, how about we consider a bigger living room or an open floor plan.

00:34:39.577 --> 00:34:40.539
You know what I mean.

00:34:40.539 --> 00:34:44.507
And rooting those conversations in a value system, I think it makes.

00:34:44.507 --> 00:34:48.784
I think it makes all the difference, uh, but based on the foundation that you got.

00:34:48.784 --> 00:34:51.172
I'm curious now because obviously it's changed.

00:34:51.172 --> 00:34:55.246
My second question what are some of your values now then?

00:34:55.867 --> 00:35:57.630
so I have them listed on my phone, actually with a mission statement, because I just recently, like, read redid my, my branding, but I have self-awareness which, for me, self-awareness is like step one, and that's what has come to me through the memoir writing, through the yoga practices, through life, you know, is like getting to this point that I'm aware of myself, my energy, what I'm putting out, what I'm bringing in, and just knowing that and feeling in that, like I feel like the world would be a better place if people were more aware, you know, if they were just more conscious of how they were showing up and what their energy was yeah and then the next is authenticity, you know, being myself and allowing myself to be myself, cause, like I said, I went through this time of learning where I just was basically whoever I was told to be.

00:35:58.391 --> 00:36:23.052
You know, I, I showed up, I put on the uniform whether it was a Taekwondo uniform, a military uniform or like the mother wife uniform you know I was, I was doing what I was supposed to do rather than what my heart wanted to do, and so being authentic is a really, really big one.

00:36:23.661 --> 00:36:33.170
And then I still stick with courage, you know showing up, even when I'm afraid, I still stick with persevering and keeping and going.

00:36:33.170 --> 00:36:42.255
And then the one that I, that I remind myself of constantly and that really wraps around back to self-awareness, is alignment.

00:36:42.255 --> 00:36:49.545
It really wraps around back to self-awareness is alignment, because life as it's throwing all these crappy curveballs.

00:36:49.545 --> 00:36:52.030
I want to make sure that I'm even on the right road.

00:36:52.030 --> 00:37:05.094
I want to, you know, like, and that means that I'm, I'm moving in the direction that I meant to move in, that is aligned with me and with where I want to go in life.

00:37:05.094 --> 00:37:19.793
You know, we're manifesting our lives all the time, but if we're not in alignment and we're not aware, then we could end up in a pile of crap that we shouldn't have never been in in the first place.

00:37:19.980 --> 00:37:23.610
Oh yeah, no, I'd much rather be in one that I was meant to be in, for sure.

00:37:26.960 --> 00:37:29.409
Alrighty, folks sit tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

00:37:31.061 --> 00:37:33.951
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00:37:33.951 --> 00:37:45.643
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00:37:45.643 --> 00:37:54.487
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00:38:01.164 --> 00:38:11.574
But if we're not in alignment and we're not aware, then we could end up in a pile of crap that we shouldn't have never been in in the first place.

00:38:11.755 --> 00:38:15.405
Oh, yeah, no, I'd much rather be in one that I was meant to be in for sure.

00:38:15.405 --> 00:38:29.833
So it kind of sounds like, though, looking at alignment from that lens, it's like a vacuum, you know, like what you're, what you're seeing and what you're experiencing and what you're going through at any present moment in time.

00:38:29.833 --> 00:38:33.971
And then to think about it in hindsight, how did that work out?

00:38:33.971 --> 00:38:37.630
Does it kind of indicate I'm where I want to be, yes or no?

00:38:37.630 --> 00:38:43.418
But you're still just getting your own feedback off of your own sort of corollary events.

00:38:43.418 --> 00:38:44.260
You know what I mean.

00:38:44.260 --> 00:38:45.965
So how do you experience new stuff then?

00:38:45.965 --> 00:38:47.710
Are you, are you even open to new stuff?

00:38:47.710 --> 00:38:50.043
How do you adjust and address?

00:38:50.123 --> 00:38:53.088
oh yeah, I actually have a picture.

00:38:53.088 --> 00:39:04.442
I was in New Orleans several years ago now and, um, my father and I have the same birthday and we celebrate our birthdays together in new places every year.

00:39:04.442 --> 00:39:14.809
And we went to New Orleans and we're out there listening to music and there's this big sign on a pole that said think that you might be wrong.

00:39:14.809 --> 00:39:29.565
And I took a picture of that sign and I remind myself of that all the time to remember that I don't have all the answers that I am constantly figuring out.

00:39:29.565 --> 00:39:36.222
You know what alignment is for me and that requires, because I am so open minded.

00:39:36.222 --> 00:39:45.960
To be honest, it makes alignment difficult because I tend to want to move in all these different directions.

00:39:46.420 --> 00:39:54.806
Several years ago I was sitting in therapy and I told my therapist I said I feel like an 18 wheeler with every tire pointed in a different direction.

00:39:54.806 --> 00:40:04.744
I I need to get like where I feel like I can at least move this truck down the road and not just keep pulling.

00:40:04.744 --> 00:40:10.889
You know, you know, I feel like I felt like I was pulling myself apart because there were so many different angles and areas.

00:40:10.889 --> 00:40:15.813
I could go to the hospitality industry for mindful drinking products.

00:40:15.813 --> 00:40:30.757
I'm in service to all of these different people that are coming to me for support and help and in their mindset and in their livelihood.

00:40:31.780 --> 00:40:38.840
I am constantly like making sure, like what can I learn, what can I know, how can I deepen?

00:40:38.840 --> 00:40:42.186
And opening myself up to all of that.

00:40:42.186 --> 00:41:17.793
But it does, and I think that's why alignment is like that much more important to me, because I'm like, okay, there's a lot going on here, what, what is right for me, and not just trying to throw me into a vortex somewhere else yeah, and so for you, consciously processing as you go or writing it down as you go is what works for you and help gain some clarity and focus a lot of journaling happening a lot of non-alcoholic tequila Fridays, yeah, well, okay.

00:41:17.873 --> 00:41:31.900
So I guess then, for the sake of time and I saw you had on your website that you also, like we said earlier, talk about sensory processing and ADHD, which sounds an awful lot like your 18 wheeler and you know how to work through.

00:41:31.900 --> 00:41:33.543
I think I even saw dyslexia on there.

00:41:33.543 --> 00:41:35.826
This is probably my second to last question work through.

00:41:35.826 --> 00:41:37.547
I think I even saw dyslexia on there.

00:41:37.547 --> 00:41:38.949
This is probably my second to last question, I guess.

00:41:38.949 --> 00:41:41.213
But do you think all of those things are sort of interwoven?

00:41:41.213 --> 00:41:50.246
When you lose yourself, do you feel like you've alleviated some of that now, that you've gained some more self-awareness?

00:41:50.266 --> 00:41:51.570
because you can process or for any number of reasons.

00:41:51.570 --> 00:41:56.244
Yeah, you know, the biggest thing I would say is that I have found gratitude for all of it.

00:41:56.244 --> 00:42:12.465
I have always been extremely tactile and extremely sensory Right, so very, very sensitive physically and not in the way where I don't want to be touched like squeeze me.

00:42:12.465 --> 00:42:33.284
You know, I want more, yeah, but because of that I see the world in a different way, I feel the world and more intensely, and it helps my writing, it helps my, my art, it helps what I bring forth it helps my business.

00:42:33.364 --> 00:42:42.795
It helps so much because and so something that used to make me feel like there was something quote unquote wrong with me.

00:42:42.795 --> 00:42:53.766
Now I'm seeing how it's been this boon to my life, this good thing and the same thing with like ADD, like feeling scattered and all over the place.

00:42:53.766 --> 00:43:09.222
But now I'm like, okay, I feel, because of this persistence, because of this ability to keep going and have courage and try again, I've learned how to use that to my benefit.

00:43:09.222 --> 00:43:23.164
That's really what it comes down to is switching your mindset from this fear-based mindset into a more loving, grateful mindset, and that's where true magic happens.

00:43:23.164 --> 00:43:30.862
That's where you're able to rewrite the story you're, you're able to take okay, you know this.

00:43:30.862 --> 00:43:40.422
This entire time I've thought of myself as this you know, not good enough, not worthy, feeling stuck, et cetera, et cetera.

00:43:40.422 --> 00:43:44.315
But I'm going to look at it in a different way.

00:43:44.315 --> 00:43:47.023
I'm going to move forward in a different way.

00:43:48.606 --> 00:44:02.407
And then they, I assume it sounds like become more of your strength, not, yeah yeah, it is pretty wild what a good bit of time with yourself can do to just process at a pace you can handle and manage.

00:44:02.407 --> 00:44:03.871
So do you think?

00:44:03.871 --> 00:44:17.030
Let me ask you this, I guess, for the sake of time, how has all of this and this may be rhetorical at this point, but how has all of this actually helped you instigate your own self-worth and sense of self?

00:44:17.632 --> 00:44:22.588
So when I first started going to back to school, I had my GI Bill.

00:44:22.588 --> 00:44:25.742
I knew I needed to use it, but I didn't really know what I wanted to do.

00:44:25.742 --> 00:44:32.423
And I actually started off like I changed my major five times before I finally landed on English.

00:44:32.423 --> 00:44:38.402
You know, I did traffic management and I did business management and I did liberal arts.

00:44:38.402 --> 00:44:46.010
You know I was trying to just, and then I just was getting through my prerequisites and I thought you know, I really love writing, let me just try English.

00:44:46.010 --> 00:44:50.887
And I got put into a creative writing class.

00:44:50.887 --> 00:44:57.440
That pushed me to write creative nonfiction and that's what led me to memoir in the first place.

00:44:57.440 --> 00:45:00.565
I would have never probably done that on my own.

00:45:00.565 --> 00:45:07.750
And as I was writing that out, I started these small little essays.

00:45:07.750 --> 00:45:12.161
That's when I started really uncovering and really figuring out the power of it.

00:45:13.242 --> 00:45:22.425
And then, when my marriage came to a like a very, very bad point, I was like who am I to do this?

00:45:22.425 --> 00:45:23.931
Who am I to leave this marriage?

00:45:23.931 --> 00:45:27.222
I mean, we'd been together for 14 years, we had three children.

00:45:27.222 --> 00:45:29.307
How could I possibly do this?

00:45:29.307 --> 00:45:36.612
And I was checking myself like and I thought I want to be clear, I want to know for sure.

00:45:36.612 --> 00:45:44.460
I want to feel like I want to know before I say I'm going to leave this marriage.

00:45:44.460 --> 00:45:46.367
I want to know for sure I'm doing the right thing.

00:45:46.367 --> 00:45:52.713
And so that's why I sat down and wrote that story, the story of my divorce.

00:45:52.713 --> 00:46:02.849
But when I wrote it all out, the big thing that kept coming up is the only reason you're here and have ever been here, is because you have no self-worth.

00:46:02.849 --> 00:46:08.893
You have no self-worth and I I mean ultimately just didn't even like who I was.

00:46:08.893 --> 00:46:14.027
And then I was like well, why, where did that even come from?

00:46:14.027 --> 00:46:14.628
Yeah.

00:46:15.532 --> 00:46:17.315
I've been loved my whole life.

00:46:17.315 --> 00:46:19.059
I have two loving parents.

00:46:19.059 --> 00:46:26.063
In my mind I had no reason to not have a self-worth, and that's when I knew I had to start from the beginning.

00:46:26.063 --> 00:46:29.090
That's when I knew I had to go all the way back.

00:46:29.090 --> 00:46:41.635
And so, to try to answer your question, it's that's when I knew that I had a problem with my self-worth, that that finally clicked with me and I had to figure it out.

00:46:42.099 --> 00:46:57.856
And so what I did was I wrote out the whole story, born in 1985, to blah blah blah, and wrote everything and uncovered all my limiting beliefs and uncovered all my limiting beliefs.

00:46:57.856 --> 00:47:13.909
But then I was like, okay, now I know where I've been programmed, I know where you know life has told me to be here and there and I followed suit and all of that, like I understood the program now, but it didn't stop the program from running.

00:47:13.909 --> 00:47:19.103
It didn't stop me from feeling what I felt and living in that.

00:47:19.103 --> 00:47:55.789
And so that's when the yoga and the body movement and the time in nature and the breath work and, like these other specific meditation practices and everything else that I have learned and everything else that I have learned, that's when everything started clicking and I realized I had more power over my thoughts and my brain and my body and everything that I had ever known, and so now I have all the tools to create a fully holistic program that takes you from self-awareness to alignment.

00:48:00.519 --> 00:48:14.449
Well then, jessa, if anybody wants to get in touch with you or find out more about your business, or become a client, or follow along just with what you're doing or I don't know get in touch with Untoxicated in whatever idea, way, scale or scope, where do they go?

00:48:14.449 --> 00:48:15.431
How do they do it?

00:48:16.139 --> 00:48:21.726
You can find me really easily on Facebook or Instagram at Jessa Frances.

00:48:21.726 --> 00:48:25.713
Frances with an e and Jessa Frances.

00:48:25.713 --> 00:48:31.704
net, the Caim Circle is on that website, and then Untoxicated.

00:48:31.704 --> 00:48:37.092
world spelled just like intoxicated, but an UN.

00:48:37.092 --> 00:48:42.563
So either way you'll, you'll find me.

00:48:42.563 --> 00:48:48.373
I have a podcast for myself called the Caim Circle Podcast.

00:48:48.373 --> 00:48:50.967
That's spelled C A, I M.

00:48:50.967 --> 00:48:54.126
Yeah, but it's spelled, it's pronounced Kim.

00:48:55.001 --> 00:49:09.503
Depending on the platform you're streaming it on click see more or click show more and in the drop down description for this you'll see links for Jess's social and obviously Untoxicated and then to be able to get to her website as well, so you guys can reach out directly.

00:49:09.503 --> 00:49:29.951
Uh, Jessa, I'm pretty mind blown right now how fast the time went, but I really do appreciate you taking you know, whatever's been 45 minutes or an hour out of your day so we could sit and talk, and I appreciate all the stuff you went through, because it made for a great conversation and it seems to have done quite a bit of benefit for you too.

00:49:29.951 --> 00:49:34.231
So I appreciate everything you brought to this conversation, thank you.

00:49:34.994 --> 00:49:37.806
You're welcome and thank you for being here.

00:49:37.806 --> 00:49:40.159
Thank you for letting me share my story.

00:49:40.159 --> 00:49:49.119
I think that there is so much power in the human experience and you know memoir writing Like.

00:49:49.119 --> 00:50:04.853
I highly recommend, whether you come to me or not, sit down with pen and paper, start at the beginning and write out your story, and not only will you inspire yourself, you could potentially inspire others.

00:50:05.480 --> 00:50:08.108
Thank you for coming on and to everybody else who tuned into the conversation.

00:50:08.108 --> 00:50:11.215
Thank you guys for listening and joining us during this conversation.

00:50:11.215 --> 00:50:16.952
We were talking about rejuvenation and starting over and how you can actually find peace in that process.

00:50:16.952 --> 00:50:24.172
To everybody else who supported this obviously my team putting the show together Thank you guys for tuning in and helping keep this show moving along.

00:50:24.172 --> 00:50:27.001
You guys can track us down Monday mornings at 9am transactingvaluepodcast.

00:50:27.001 --> 00:50:28.746
com.

00:50:28.746 --> 00:50:37.780
You can catch us on Wreaths Across America radio Thursdays, Wednesdays and Sundays, and then obviously on social Facebook and LinkedIn and YouTube.

00:50:37.780 --> 00:50:40.650
Thank you to our show partners and folks.

00:50:40.650 --> 00:50:54.001
Thank you for tuning in and appreciating our value as we all grow through life together To check out our other conversations, merchandise or even to contribute through feedback follows, time, money or talent and let us know what you think of the show.

00:50:54.001 --> 00:50:55.925
Please reach out on our website, transactingvaluepodcast.

00:50:55.925 --> 00:50:58.251
com.

00:50:58.251 --> 00:51:05.695
We stream new episodes every Monday at 9 am Eastern Standard Time through all of your favorite podcasting platforms and we'll meet you there.

00:51:05.695 --> 00:51:07.081
Until next time.

00:51:07.081 --> 00:51:08.967
That was Transacting Value.