Transcript
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The views expressed in this podcast are solely those of the podcast host and guest and do not necessarily represent those of our distribution partners, supporting business relationships or supported audience.
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Welcome to Transacting Value, where we talk about practical applications for instigating self-worth when dealing with each other and even within ourselves, where we foster a podcast listening experience that lets you hear the power of a value system for managing burnout, establishing boundaries, fostering community and finding identity.
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My name is Josh Porthouse, I'm your host and we are redefining sovereignty of character.
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This is why values still hold value.
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This is Transacting Value.
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Even at a very young age.
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I really encourage them to advocate for themselves, because my students someday will end up leaving me, but their disability won't, and I just hope that I give them the skills that they need to survive.
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Today on Transacting Value.
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What is it about our lives that drives us, what triggers us to excel, to do better and, in some cases, to overcome the feeling that maybe we were overlooked In today's conversation.
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Michelle Steiner, a paraeducator and blogger all about Michelle's mission, is going to talk exactly about those things what it's done for her and how it's helped her become the woman she is today.
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So, folks, without further ado, I'm Josh Porthouse, I'm your host and, from SDYT Media, this is Transacting Value.
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Michelle, how are you doing?
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I'm doing great.
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How are you?
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I'm good.
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I'm good.
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I appreciate you taking time out of your evening to come and talk.
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So thank you first off.
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Oh, it's a pleasure.
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I'm excited about having this conversation.
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Me too, me too, and when I first found out about you and your blog, there's a lot of things that you focus on.
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I think that are pretty interesting too, and it's almost like in the hustle of life that most people tend to get wrapped up in and take things for granted.
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It seems like you've really deliberately slowed that process down and you're bringing things up into the forefront.
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So I guess let's just start here for a second.
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Just take the next couple minutes.
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Let's set the stage.
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Who are you, where are you from, and you know what sort of things are shaping your perspective on life right now.
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Sure Well, my name is Michelle Steiner.
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I live in Pennsylvania with my husband Ron, our two cats, jack and Sparrow.
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I am a writer, a speaker and I'm a photographer, and I have a blog called Michelle's Mission where I write about life with having a learning disability, and I also work in a school as a teacher's aide with students who have disabilities and some of them who don't.
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Interesting.
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Okay, and when you're talking about learning disabilities for these students that you work with, for example, is this like students that need extra help with math and reading?
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Or is this like students that are wheelchair-bound and actually physically can't read, can't comprehend what extent?
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Right.
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Well, most of the students that I see are in the general ed classroom but have disabilities, so a lot of them have autism.
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Some of them have learning disabilities, like I do, and they are in the regular ed classroom and they also are in learning support and they need just some extra support.
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Sometimes that might be re -teaching the lesson that the teacher taught with the information.
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Other times it might be helping them to prepare for a test.
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It could be reading a test to a student, it could be going over spelling words or it could just be simply cleaning out their backpacks and helping with that.
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And advocating is another thing.
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I get a lot of students not all of them, but some of them.
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It's like hearing your recording of myself at that age.
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I hate my disability, I wish I didn't have it.
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And I get that opportunity to go in and say it's not a bad thing to have a learning disability and I show them ways that they can advocate and be able to speak up for themselves.
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And all the students know and the staff knows or will soon find out.
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Do not ask me to help you with math, I cannot do that, but I find that being able to work with the students is so rewarding because of having a disability myself.
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So do you think it's maybe a misnomer or an unfair label to say it's a learning disability, or is it just you have to find ways that better suit your ability to learn in order to learn?
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Exactly, I need to find different ways and different strategies to be able to learn.
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If I do things just one way, sometimes that may not work, and that is part of the things that I have to be able to do.
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I have not found a great way for me to learn math, but I have found ways in my life to be able to compensate for a lot of things that I can't do.
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And there's also things I can do, and I think one of the biggest misconceptions is we think people with learning disabilities can't learn or we can't do things, and there's going to be things that we struggle with and some things that I simply can't do.
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But there's also just a lot of other ways that I can live my life and some people don't like to call them disabilities.
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They like to call it a learning difference, and I'm comfortable with having a disability and using that term.
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But other people like difference and it's just really what the person wants to say and how they wish to refer to themselves.
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Well then it doesn't sound like you're that different at all, if everybody has their own subjective way of learning something anyway, or what best way works for them.
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I just might have a little more challenges that go along with that.
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For example, with math, I cannot read the face of a clock, so I use my digital watch to be able to do that.
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And you are right, there are different ways that people do learn.
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I just have a little more difficulty.
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I have not memorized all my multiplication or my math facts.
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I have a lot of difficulty when I go into a class that I have to learn, like when I was in college, and I also confuse my right from my left.
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But I agree, everybody has something they're good at, everybody has something they struggle with and everybody has a different way of learning as well.
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Okay, but you're an adult and I think a lot of what we hear is learning disabilities apply to kids and so they get different treatment or letters from a doctor or whatever to account for different allowances.
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Is it the same sort of procedure for adults, or maybe even in your case, do you think, where it's just a doctor's note and then you can get accommodations, or is it a little more difficult?
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It can be a little more difficult, but it is sort of how that works.
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So, like when I became an adult and I went to college, it was up to me to advocate for myself, and I also got connected with rehabilitation services and I had to be tested for having a learning disability all over again to be able to get the accommodations that I needed, and that led to some difficulties too.
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I had a psychiatrist who told me that he didn't think I can go beyond community college, and I had professors who told me I was going to have limited job choices.
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But the big difference with me was I still needed the accommodations.
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I still had to have the documentation from the psychiatrist that I needed those services, and we do have the Americans with Disabilities Act, but that was up to me at that point.
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To be able to speak up for myself, I had to tell my professors that I have a learning disability and I'm going to be using these support services on campus, with having extended test time and receiving tutoring, and it was up to me to research programs that I knew were going to be something I could do, for example, if I wanted to be a certified teacher.
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I knew that wasn't a wise course of action, but I knew that there were some other programs that were out there that didn't have as much math or science and they had accommodations, but it was up to me as an adult to do that.
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Now on my job, I have really been lucky to have a pretty good employer where I can go to the admin and tell them I have a learning disability and they listen to that and I'm able to state my needs and accommodate, advocate for myself, and I can do that with my supervisors.
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I'm pretty open about doing that and I've also had jobs where people didn't understand with having a disability.
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A lot of times they would think, well, you look normal or you have a college degree, you should be able to be able to do some of those things.
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Okay, well, is that something that you had to figure out on your own the researching, the ADA, figuring out different opportunities for you to learn things or is that as you've grown in your own life or in the education system?
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Is that a set of resources that find this file folder and you'll have all the keys you need?
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It's a little bit of both.
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Whenever I was a child, my mom and dad advocated for me, and as an adult I learned I had to do a lot of that myself.
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Some of it's been research.
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Some of it's also been connecting with other people, and I think that's one of the good things that's come up with.
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Social media is being able to connect with other people that have disabilities and talking with them on how they do things and learning about resources that they use and being able to help somebody else out.
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A lot of that before social media, I had to figure a lot of that out myself, and it was just about calling around places and talking to people and just sometimes, just getting out there and practicing.
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That, too, was a big thing.
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Practicing that.
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Mm-hmm.
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What does that mean?
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I think it's really easy in theory that people have this idea that I have a disability and if I ask for accommodations and they're not given to me, the ADA is going to come along and there's going to be this lawsuit and things are going to change.
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And that can work in that way.
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But sometimes you might have a better idea with just learning how to, with asking for accommodations, and that took a lot of practicing.
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I can remember when I first started out I didn't go around that the correct way.
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It didn't work out with some jobs and I didn't ask the right way to do that.
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And then in other places I wouldn't say anything, I would just be like, oh, I don't.
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I didn't really feel comfortable.
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And then people were looking at me like, well, how are you?
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You know, why are you not performing to this standard?
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And I've also gone to job interviews where I've said I have a disability and other ones where I've learned to not say things too.
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And it just gets easier.
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The first time you do it you might blow up at your boss or you might blow up at somebody, and that's not the way to handle it.
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But the more you practice saying that, the more you get comfortable with saying I have a disability and this is what I'm going to need.
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The better you get at it.
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All right, folks sit tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value.
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When I start feeling like I want to give up, I think about that little piece of coal.
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And if that piece of coal can make something of itself by not giving up, so can I.
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Persistence is in you.
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From PassItOncom.
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The more you get comfortable with saying I have a disability and this is what I'm going to need, the better you get at it and this is what I'm going to need, the better you get at it.
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Having that degree of self-control intact, I think makes a difference, no matter who you are in whatever social circumstance.
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But do you think it's a similar case, maybe with age?
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For example, people that maybe growing up weren't diagnosed or didn't or don't have a typical learning disability.
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They just haven't been in school for 20 years and they're going back to school.
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That's a cognitive disability at that point right.
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For somebody that may not even have a disability and they just haven't been in school for a while and you have age, that can be something that they might.
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It might be a little harder for them and they'll be able, you know, to have like those resources too.
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And sometimes it can be hard for a lot of my coworkers too.
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With them, with not having a disability, either they didn't learn how to do it or it's been so long that they just need to brush up on that, and that can be something that they'll catch on and once they learn it, they really know what they're doing.
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But it sounds like so do you within the realm of a few things?
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Right, and so now you've turned it into a blog, yeah, and so you're obviously gaining some confidence and some degree of awareness around it.
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What do you write about?
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My life with a learning disability and I use a lot of nature analogies.
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That is a big thing.
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So I might talk about a butterfly and the transformation process a butterfly has gone through and how I've accepted my disability.
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One of my latest posts is about the different trees in the fall and just how every tree is different and so is every learning disability, and I try to put that in really simple terms so people can be able to understand that, and I also put a lot of pictures on my blog for my walks.
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I get that chance to stop and smell the roses because I'm not able to drive because of my disability and I have a great support system I have a husband who takes me to work and I have a great coworker who takes me home at the end of the day.
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But whenever I don't have a ride, I get that chance to stop and smell the roses and take pictures of flowers and people say, wow, you bring out details that I would miss in a flower and I think if I was really sad that I didn't have a ride or I was driving, I would miss that shot.
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I wouldn't be able to take that picture because I would be so focused on the road.
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Yeah Well.
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So how did you develop this perspective then?
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Because you seem very well adjusted, you seem not very depressed, you know what I mean Like I had it so hard and victimized.
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You seem to be in pretty good spirits.
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I mean, you've been smiling the whole time.
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So what did you do?
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How did you develop your outlook?
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Well, a lot of my outlook came whenever I was in college.
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I was not somebody what brings me joy, that I felt empowered, because if you sit me in front of math or a calculator or a car and want me to drive, I'm going to be really frustrated and upset.
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But if you give me things that I can do and I enjoy doing, I'm a happy person, I'm empowered and I just think it's that finding those things that you love to do and that you're good at, and going towards that and not worrying about the things that I have no control over and don't bring me happiness.
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Yeah, but that kind of negativity is appealing and it's contagious and it's so easy to fall into.
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So what's your trigger?
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What worked for you to say you know what I'm done.
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Feeling this way, I'm taking a conscious control over the wheel and changing it.
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What worked for you?
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I think it's when I moved back in with my parents for a while when I was younger, because I was on my own for a while and for financial reasons, I had to move back in with them and I wasn't.
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It was hard, but what I really really helped me was I focused on what I could do.
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I found a program at university that had the least amount of math and science possible and had a program that I was interested in and I started to do really well in my classes, except for the math.
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I mean I had an internal logics class.
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That was hard, but a lot of my other classes I was the math.
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I mean.
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I had an internal logics class.
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That was hard, but a lot of my other classes.
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I was getting really good grades and I made dean's list.
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And when I graduated with the bachelor's degree, that's when my perspective really started to change because I thought, wow, this is something I was able to accomplish that I really wanted to do.
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And, okay, my disability didn't go away, that's fine.
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But I have this degree and now I can look at other people, whether I'm at my job with my students, and I can encourage them and I can say you know, there is hope and I can also do that with a lot of people from my blog or just other interactions that I can say I know it's hard, I understand what it's like to be there, but I've been there and I've been able to move forward.
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And I know that there's a plan for you to do that as well.
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That's powerful.
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I mean speaking of empowerment, like think of the message you're putting out to people.
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Congratulations, and obviously on your degree as well.
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Thank you, well done, great job, yeah.
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But so you've seen this now from basically two different age groups, right, like as a kid firsthand, as an adult firsthand, and then obviously secondhand.
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Now working with kids and interacting with adults.
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What do you think posed the greater challenge for you as the individual?
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To get through firsthand and to communicate through secondhand.
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The greatest challenge, I believe, is as a kid, because I couldn't see ahead.
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All I could see was the situation in front of me, and it was really difficult.
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I was struggling in a class.
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I didn't feel very smart.
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I also was really struggling socially.
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I went to a very small conservative school district where if you didn't fit in with them you weren't part of that.
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And I really didn't.
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And I was bullied in both my learning support and my regular ed classes and called some pretty unkind things and just didn't think I was smart and my parents would encourage me.
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My dad especially would say you know, things are going to work out in the end.
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The playing field is going to be even.
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And when you're a kid you don't think that because all you can see is what's in front of you.
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You can't see the road ahead, you can't see just all the opportunities that are out there.
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So what I try to do with a lot of my students is I try to tell them that there is hope out there, there are opportunities and it's not always going to be this difficult.
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For you Now.
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Does that work?
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Using that as an explanation?
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With a lot of my students.
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It hasn't really worked a whole lot effectively.
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Some of them are just at that stage.
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They're in seventh grade.
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They can't see ahead.
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But sometimes we can start to get a little bit of that light that goes through.
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A good example of this is I will work on spelling words with one of my students and in the very beginning they don't do very well.
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They'll tell me I didn't do good, we studied, I didn't do very well.
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They'll tell me I didn't do good, we studied, I didn't do well.
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And then weeks will go by and we'll be studying whenever they have a spelling week and it gets to a point around where they're saying, hey, I got a nay on my test or I got a bonus word.
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And then their friends who don't want to study are starting to say, hey, can you go over spelling words with me?
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Friends who don't want to study are starting to say, hey, can you go over spelling words with me?
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So they're starting to pick up on that skill of how to study and how to do make little bits of progress.
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And I think that's important because a lot of our kids just come in and they don't have a lot of that wisdom or they.
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Some of them don't even have somebody at home to be able to look over things with them.
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So we just work on this and we just build upon it, even at a very young age.
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I really encourage them to advocate for themselves, because my students someday will end up leaving me, but their disability won't, and I just hope that I give them the skills that they need to survive.
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All right, folks sit tight, We'll be right back on Transacting Value.
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Join us for Transacting Value, where we discuss practical applications of personal values, every Monday at 9 am on our website, transactingvaluepodcastcom.
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My students someday will end up leaving me, but their disability won't, and I just hope that I give them the skills that they need to survive.
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It sounds like you are.
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I mean, being able to instigate even a little win at any point in time can make a huge difference.
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My younger brother actually told me this maybe about a month ago now.
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So in his job, most of what he has to accomplish you know, his work, tasks or whatever are like enduring multi-month type projects.
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It's not like you can check a box at the end of the day and you're like, well, I've made progress at work.
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He's like well, I can check a box at the end of the day, so I know I can start at this point tomorrow.
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I haven't actually accomplished anything.
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And one of the things I asked him a couple of weeks ago I said what does that do for you?
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I mean, how does that make you feel you can't really ever get ahead at work then, cause you're not really completing anything?
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And he said I don't.
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I go home and I have projects that give me a little victory.
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Maybe it's a card game I can win or a video game I can beat, or something that I can do within an hour, within 10 minutes, just to get a little win.
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He said it helps him spike and focus and reorient himself, that he's not totally wasting his time or worthless.
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It sounds pretty similar to what you're describing.
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Am I close?
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Exactly, I try to give myself that success.
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I was even talking with my dad on the phone a while ago and I said you know, when I was in school, no one really told me to take advanced placement classes.
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We took the classes I needed for math, which were learning support, but I was in regular ed classes.
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So my dad said well, and I did really well.
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And he said well, that's setting you up for success.
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That's what we wanted you to do, not to go in and be overwhelmed and frustrated.
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But we wanted to also give you that challenge too, and I think it's turning those lemons into lemonade and looking to a lot of the success and the things I can do and those little wins that I can have control over within my life.
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And another really nice thing that my husband and I do is I call them carrots.
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So over on the weekends we might go out to a museum or we might go to a garden or somewhere else a park or something that might be fun or somewhere else a park or something that might be fun, and I'll tell them sometimes if it's a really rough week at work or something.
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I'll say, okay, remind me what my carrots are this weekend, and that's my motivation to get through my week at work and to be able to have that fun.
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And that's something that we can look forward to, because I think people need that or something that they can, and it might just be something small, it could just be a cup of coffee or a cup of tea or that short moment that you have, but I think just giving people motivation is so important isn't that interesting too.
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I mean, you just mentioned a couple minutes ago about the impact social media had for you on finding outlets and communicating with people.
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But constructive criticism I mean actual positive feedback like hey, good job.
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Not like leaving a comment on somebody's page or a thumbs up or something, but like I really appreciate what you did, You're doing awesome things, or whatever people can compliment each other about, Right, Is it really that uncommon?
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I mean, have we come that far?
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Do you notice that?
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I notice that sometimes there is that where people don't always comment, or sometimes we don't always leave very kind remarks too with things like that.
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But I've also think that that's one of the negatives.
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But I think one of the positives has.
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I've been able to find other people that struggle with math disabilities.
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Especially whenever I was in school, most of my peers had math or not math.
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They had reading difficulties and some of them had some behavior issues from trauma.
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So I really didn't know anybody that was like me and I've been able to connect that there are other people that have those issues as well.
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So how do we get people to talk more openly, authentically but not rude and abrasive.
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Offer some constructive feedback, have conversations in person or digitally like this and just talk people to people.
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Right.