Michelle Steiner on Redefining Success Through Adversity

Transcript

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The views expressed in this podcast are solely those of the podcast host and guest and do not necessarily represent those of our distribution partners, supporting business relationships or supported audience.

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Welcome to Transacting Value, where we talk about practical applications for instigating self-worth when dealing with each other and even within ourselves, where we foster a podcast listening experience that lets you hear the power of a value system for managing burnout, establishing boundaries, fostering community and finding identity.

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My name is Josh Porthouse, I'm your host and we are redefining sovereignty of character.

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This is why values still hold value.

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This is Transacting Value.

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Even at a very young age.

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I really encourage them to advocate for themselves, because my students someday will end up leaving me, but their disability won't, and I just hope that I give them the skills that they need to survive.

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Today on Transacting Value.

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What is it about our lives that drives us, what triggers us to excel, to do better and, in some cases, to overcome the feeling that maybe we were overlooked In today's conversation.

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Michelle Steiner, a paraeducator and blogger all about Michelle's mission, is going to talk exactly about those things what it's done for her and how it's helped her become the woman she is today.

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So, folks, without further ado, I'm Josh Porthouse, I'm your host and, from SDYT Media, this is Transacting Value.

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Michelle, how are you doing?

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I'm doing great.

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How are you?

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I'm good.

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I'm good.

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I appreciate you taking time out of your evening to come and talk.

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So thank you first off.

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Oh, it's a pleasure.

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I'm excited about having this conversation.

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Me too, me too, and when I first found out about you and your blog, there's a lot of things that you focus on.

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I think that are pretty interesting too, and it's almost like in the hustle of life that most people tend to get wrapped up in and take things for granted.

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It seems like you've really deliberately slowed that process down and you're bringing things up into the forefront.

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So I guess let's just start here for a second.

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Just take the next couple minutes.

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Let's set the stage.

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Who are you, where are you from, and you know what sort of things are shaping your perspective on life right now.

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Sure Well, my name is Michelle Steiner.

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I live in Pennsylvania with my husband Ron, our two cats, jack and Sparrow.

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I am a writer, a speaker and I'm a photographer, and I have a blog called Michelle's Mission where I write about life with having a learning disability, and I also work in a school as a teacher's aide with students who have disabilities and some of them who don't.

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Interesting.

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Okay, and when you're talking about learning disabilities for these students that you work with, for example, is this like students that need extra help with math and reading?

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Or is this like students that are wheelchair-bound and actually physically can't read, can't comprehend what extent?

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Right.

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Well, most of the students that I see are in the general ed classroom but have disabilities, so a lot of them have autism.

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Some of them have learning disabilities, like I do, and they are in the regular ed classroom and they also are in learning support and they need just some extra support.

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Sometimes that might be re -teaching the lesson that the teacher taught with the information.

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Other times it might be helping them to prepare for a test.

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It could be reading a test to a student, it could be going over spelling words or it could just be simply cleaning out their backpacks and helping with that.

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And advocating is another thing.

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I get a lot of students not all of them, but some of them.

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It's like hearing your recording of myself at that age.

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I hate my disability, I wish I didn't have it.

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And I get that opportunity to go in and say it's not a bad thing to have a learning disability and I show them ways that they can advocate and be able to speak up for themselves.

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And all the students know and the staff knows or will soon find out.

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Do not ask me to help you with math, I cannot do that, but I find that being able to work with the students is so rewarding because of having a disability myself.

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So do you think it's maybe a misnomer or an unfair label to say it's a learning disability, or is it just you have to find ways that better suit your ability to learn in order to learn?

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Exactly, I need to find different ways and different strategies to be able to learn.

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If I do things just one way, sometimes that may not work, and that is part of the things that I have to be able to do.

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I have not found a great way for me to learn math, but I have found ways in my life to be able to compensate for a lot of things that I can't do.

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And there's also things I can do, and I think one of the biggest misconceptions is we think people with learning disabilities can't learn or we can't do things, and there's going to be things that we struggle with and some things that I simply can't do.

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But there's also just a lot of other ways that I can live my life and some people don't like to call them disabilities.

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They like to call it a learning difference, and I'm comfortable with having a disability and using that term.

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But other people like difference and it's just really what the person wants to say and how they wish to refer to themselves.

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Well then it doesn't sound like you're that different at all, if everybody has their own subjective way of learning something anyway, or what best way works for them.

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I just might have a little more challenges that go along with that.

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For example, with math, I cannot read the face of a clock, so I use my digital watch to be able to do that.

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And you are right, there are different ways that people do learn.

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I just have a little more difficulty.

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I have not memorized all my multiplication or my math facts.

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I have a lot of difficulty when I go into a class that I have to learn, like when I was in college, and I also confuse my right from my left.

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But I agree, everybody has something they're good at, everybody has something they struggle with and everybody has a different way of learning as well.

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Okay, but you're an adult and I think a lot of what we hear is learning disabilities apply to kids and so they get different treatment or letters from a doctor or whatever to account for different allowances.

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Is it the same sort of procedure for adults, or maybe even in your case, do you think, where it's just a doctor's note and then you can get accommodations, or is it a little more difficult?

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It can be a little more difficult, but it is sort of how that works.

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So, like when I became an adult and I went to college, it was up to me to advocate for myself, and I also got connected with rehabilitation services and I had to be tested for having a learning disability all over again to be able to get the accommodations that I needed, and that led to some difficulties too.

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I had a psychiatrist who told me that he didn't think I can go beyond community college, and I had professors who told me I was going to have limited job choices.

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But the big difference with me was I still needed the accommodations.

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I still had to have the documentation from the psychiatrist that I needed those services, and we do have the Americans with Disabilities Act, but that was up to me at that point.

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To be able to speak up for myself, I had to tell my professors that I have a learning disability and I'm going to be using these support services on campus, with having extended test time and receiving tutoring, and it was up to me to research programs that I knew were going to be something I could do, for example, if I wanted to be a certified teacher.

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I knew that wasn't a wise course of action, but I knew that there were some other programs that were out there that didn't have as much math or science and they had accommodations, but it was up to me as an adult to do that.

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Now on my job, I have really been lucky to have a pretty good employer where I can go to the admin and tell them I have a learning disability and they listen to that and I'm able to state my needs and accommodate, advocate for myself, and I can do that with my supervisors.

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I'm pretty open about doing that and I've also had jobs where people didn't understand with having a disability.

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A lot of times they would think, well, you look normal or you have a college degree, you should be able to be able to do some of those things.

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Okay, well, is that something that you had to figure out on your own the researching, the ADA, figuring out different opportunities for you to learn things or is that as you've grown in your own life or in the education system?

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Is that a set of resources that find this file folder and you'll have all the keys you need?

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It's a little bit of both.

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Whenever I was a child, my mom and dad advocated for me, and as an adult I learned I had to do a lot of that myself.

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Some of it's been research.

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Some of it's also been connecting with other people, and I think that's one of the good things that's come up with.

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Social media is being able to connect with other people that have disabilities and talking with them on how they do things and learning about resources that they use and being able to help somebody else out.

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A lot of that before social media, I had to figure a lot of that out myself, and it was just about calling around places and talking to people and just sometimes, just getting out there and practicing.

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That, too, was a big thing.

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Practicing that.

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Mm-hmm.

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What does that mean?

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I think it's really easy in theory that people have this idea that I have a disability and if I ask for accommodations and they're not given to me, the ADA is going to come along and there's going to be this lawsuit and things are going to change.

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And that can work in that way.

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But sometimes you might have a better idea with just learning how to, with asking for accommodations, and that took a lot of practicing.

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I can remember when I first started out I didn't go around that the correct way.

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It didn't work out with some jobs and I didn't ask the right way to do that.

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And then in other places I wouldn't say anything, I would just be like, oh, I don't.

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I didn't really feel comfortable.

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And then people were looking at me like, well, how are you?

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You know, why are you not performing to this standard?

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And I've also gone to job interviews where I've said I have a disability and other ones where I've learned to not say things too.

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And it just gets easier.

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The first time you do it you might blow up at your boss or you might blow up at somebody, and that's not the way to handle it.

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But the more you practice saying that, the more you get comfortable with saying I have a disability and this is what I'm going to need.

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The better you get at it.

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All right, folks sit tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

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When I start feeling like I want to give up, I think about that little piece of coal.

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And if that piece of coal can make something of itself by not giving up, so can I.

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Persistence is in you.

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From PassItOncom.

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The more you get comfortable with saying I have a disability and this is what I'm going to need, the better you get at it and this is what I'm going to need, the better you get at it.

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Having that degree of self-control intact, I think makes a difference, no matter who you are in whatever social circumstance.

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But do you think it's a similar case, maybe with age?

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For example, people that maybe growing up weren't diagnosed or didn't or don't have a typical learning disability.

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They just haven't been in school for 20 years and they're going back to school.

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That's a cognitive disability at that point right.

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For somebody that may not even have a disability and they just haven't been in school for a while and you have age, that can be something that they might.

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It might be a little harder for them and they'll be able, you know, to have like those resources too.

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And sometimes it can be hard for a lot of my coworkers too.

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With them, with not having a disability, either they didn't learn how to do it or it's been so long that they just need to brush up on that, and that can be something that they'll catch on and once they learn it, they really know what they're doing.

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But it sounds like so do you within the realm of a few things?

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Right, and so now you've turned it into a blog, yeah, and so you're obviously gaining some confidence and some degree of awareness around it.

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What do you write about?

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My life with a learning disability and I use a lot of nature analogies.

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That is a big thing.

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So I might talk about a butterfly and the transformation process a butterfly has gone through and how I've accepted my disability.

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One of my latest posts is about the different trees in the fall and just how every tree is different and so is every learning disability, and I try to put that in really simple terms so people can be able to understand that, and I also put a lot of pictures on my blog for my walks.

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I get that chance to stop and smell the roses because I'm not able to drive because of my disability and I have a great support system I have a husband who takes me to work and I have a great coworker who takes me home at the end of the day.

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But whenever I don't have a ride, I get that chance to stop and smell the roses and take pictures of flowers and people say, wow, you bring out details that I would miss in a flower and I think if I was really sad that I didn't have a ride or I was driving, I would miss that shot.

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I wouldn't be able to take that picture because I would be so focused on the road.

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Yeah Well.

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So how did you develop this perspective then?

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Because you seem very well adjusted, you seem not very depressed, you know what I mean Like I had it so hard and victimized.

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You seem to be in pretty good spirits.

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I mean, you've been smiling the whole time.

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So what did you do?

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How did you develop your outlook?

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Well, a lot of my outlook came whenever I was in college.

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I was not somebody what brings me joy, that I felt empowered, because if you sit me in front of math or a calculator or a car and want me to drive, I'm going to be really frustrated and upset.

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But if you give me things that I can do and I enjoy doing, I'm a happy person, I'm empowered and I just think it's that finding those things that you love to do and that you're good at, and going towards that and not worrying about the things that I have no control over and don't bring me happiness.

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Yeah, but that kind of negativity is appealing and it's contagious and it's so easy to fall into.

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So what's your trigger?

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What worked for you to say you know what I'm done.

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Feeling this way, I'm taking a conscious control over the wheel and changing it.

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What worked for you?

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I think it's when I moved back in with my parents for a while when I was younger, because I was on my own for a while and for financial reasons, I had to move back in with them and I wasn't.

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It was hard, but what I really really helped me was I focused on what I could do.

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I found a program at university that had the least amount of math and science possible and had a program that I was interested in and I started to do really well in my classes, except for the math.

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I mean I had an internal logics class.

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That was hard, but a lot of my other classes I was the math.

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I mean.

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I had an internal logics class.

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That was hard, but a lot of my other classes.

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I was getting really good grades and I made dean's list.

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And when I graduated with the bachelor's degree, that's when my perspective really started to change because I thought, wow, this is something I was able to accomplish that I really wanted to do.

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And, okay, my disability didn't go away, that's fine.

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But I have this degree and now I can look at other people, whether I'm at my job with my students, and I can encourage them and I can say you know, there is hope and I can also do that with a lot of people from my blog or just other interactions that I can say I know it's hard, I understand what it's like to be there, but I've been there and I've been able to move forward.

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And I know that there's a plan for you to do that as well.

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That's powerful.

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I mean speaking of empowerment, like think of the message you're putting out to people.

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Congratulations, and obviously on your degree as well.

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Thank you, well done, great job, yeah.

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But so you've seen this now from basically two different age groups, right, like as a kid firsthand, as an adult firsthand, and then obviously secondhand.

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Now working with kids and interacting with adults.

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What do you think posed the greater challenge for you as the individual?

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To get through firsthand and to communicate through secondhand.

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The greatest challenge, I believe, is as a kid, because I couldn't see ahead.

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All I could see was the situation in front of me, and it was really difficult.

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I was struggling in a class.

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I didn't feel very smart.

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I also was really struggling socially.

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I went to a very small conservative school district where if you didn't fit in with them you weren't part of that.

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And I really didn't.

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And I was bullied in both my learning support and my regular ed classes and called some pretty unkind things and just didn't think I was smart and my parents would encourage me.

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My dad especially would say you know, things are going to work out in the end.

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The playing field is going to be even.

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And when you're a kid you don't think that because all you can see is what's in front of you.

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You can't see the road ahead, you can't see just all the opportunities that are out there.

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So what I try to do with a lot of my students is I try to tell them that there is hope out there, there are opportunities and it's not always going to be this difficult.

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For you Now.

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Does that work?

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Using that as an explanation?

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With a lot of my students.

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It hasn't really worked a whole lot effectively.

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Some of them are just at that stage.

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They're in seventh grade.

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They can't see ahead.

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But sometimes we can start to get a little bit of that light that goes through.

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A good example of this is I will work on spelling words with one of my students and in the very beginning they don't do very well.

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They'll tell me I didn't do good, we studied, I didn't do very well.

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They'll tell me I didn't do good, we studied, I didn't do well.

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And then weeks will go by and we'll be studying whenever they have a spelling week and it gets to a point around where they're saying, hey, I got a nay on my test or I got a bonus word.

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And then their friends who don't want to study are starting to say, hey, can you go over spelling words with me?

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Friends who don't want to study are starting to say, hey, can you go over spelling words with me?

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So they're starting to pick up on that skill of how to study and how to do make little bits of progress.

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And I think that's important because a lot of our kids just come in and they don't have a lot of that wisdom or they.

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Some of them don't even have somebody at home to be able to look over things with them.

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So we just work on this and we just build upon it, even at a very young age.

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I really encourage them to advocate for themselves, because my students someday will end up leaving me, but their disability won't, and I just hope that I give them the skills that they need to survive.

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All right, folks sit tight, We'll be right back on Transacting Value.

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Join us for Transacting Value, where we discuss practical applications of personal values, every Monday at 9 am on our website, transactingvaluepodcastcom.

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My students someday will end up leaving me, but their disability won't, and I just hope that I give them the skills that they need to survive.

00:21:47.977 --> 00:21:48.820
It sounds like you are.

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I mean, being able to instigate even a little win at any point in time can make a huge difference.

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My younger brother actually told me this maybe about a month ago now.

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So in his job, most of what he has to accomplish you know, his work, tasks or whatever are like enduring multi-month type projects.

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It's not like you can check a box at the end of the day and you're like, well, I've made progress at work.

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He's like well, I can check a box at the end of the day, so I know I can start at this point tomorrow.

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I haven't actually accomplished anything.

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And one of the things I asked him a couple of weeks ago I said what does that do for you?

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I mean, how does that make you feel you can't really ever get ahead at work then, cause you're not really completing anything?

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And he said I don't.

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I go home and I have projects that give me a little victory.

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Maybe it's a card game I can win or a video game I can beat, or something that I can do within an hour, within 10 minutes, just to get a little win.

00:22:40.680 --> 00:22:48.683
He said it helps him spike and focus and reorient himself, that he's not totally wasting his time or worthless.

00:22:48.683 --> 00:22:51.361
It sounds pretty similar to what you're describing.

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Am I close?

00:22:52.984 --> 00:22:56.843
Exactly, I try to give myself that success.

00:22:56.843 --> 00:23:06.198
I was even talking with my dad on the phone a while ago and I said you know, when I was in school, no one really told me to take advanced placement classes.

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We took the classes I needed for math, which were learning support, but I was in regular ed classes.

00:23:13.959 --> 00:23:16.125
So my dad said well, and I did really well.

00:23:16.125 --> 00:23:18.692
And he said well, that's setting you up for success.

00:23:18.692 --> 00:23:23.983
That's what we wanted you to do, not to go in and be overwhelmed and frustrated.

00:23:23.983 --> 00:23:39.660
But we wanted to also give you that challenge too, and I think it's turning those lemons into lemonade and looking to a lot of the success and the things I can do and those little wins that I can have control over within my life.

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And another really nice thing that my husband and I do is I call them carrots.

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So over on the weekends we might go out to a museum or we might go to a garden or somewhere else a park or something that might be fun or somewhere else a park or something that might be fun, and I'll tell them sometimes if it's a really rough week at work or something.

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I'll say, okay, remind me what my carrots are this weekend, and that's my motivation to get through my week at work and to be able to have that fun.

00:24:10.795 --> 00:24:29.463
And that's something that we can look forward to, because I think people need that or something that they can, and it might just be something small, it could just be a cup of coffee or a cup of tea or that short moment that you have, but I think just giving people motivation is so important isn't that interesting too.

00:24:29.505 --> 00:24:35.463
I mean, you just mentioned a couple minutes ago about the impact social media had for you on finding outlets and communicating with people.

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But constructive criticism I mean actual positive feedback like hey, good job.

00:24:44.044 --> 00:24:54.604
Not like leaving a comment on somebody's page or a thumbs up or something, but like I really appreciate what you did, You're doing awesome things, or whatever people can compliment each other about, Right, Is it really that uncommon?

00:24:54.604 --> 00:24:55.926
I mean, have we come that far?

00:24:55.926 --> 00:24:56.749
Do you notice that?

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I notice that sometimes there is that where people don't always comment, or sometimes we don't always leave very kind remarks too with things like that.

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But I've also think that that's one of the negatives.

00:25:12.719 --> 00:25:15.184
But I think one of the positives has.

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I've been able to find other people that struggle with math disabilities.

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Especially whenever I was in school, most of my peers had math or not math.

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They had reading difficulties and some of them had some behavior issues from trauma.

00:25:32.239 --> 00:25:40.905
So I really didn't know anybody that was like me and I've been able to connect that there are other people that have those issues as well.

00:25:43.576 --> 00:25:49.788
So how do we get people to talk more openly, authentically but not rude and abrasive.

00:25:49.788 --> 00:25:58.644
Offer some constructive feedback, have conversations in person or digitally like this and just talk people to people.

00:25:59.787 --> 00:25:59.988
Right.

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I think that's a big thing Talk people to people and to think, I always try to think before I say something online is that something I would want somebody to say to me?

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And if it's not, I'll try to really reframe it.

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And also, if there is an issue that somebody has I think sometimes it's not I'll try to really reframe it.

00:26:17.199 --> 00:26:38.630
And also, if there is an issue that somebody has, I think sometimes it's better to deal with it privately rather than having a war out there and to just be selective, I mean, of what you put out there, because some things just may not be something I'll share online, but the people in my life know, and that's okay too.

00:26:39.750 --> 00:26:43.292
Yeah yeah, discretion goes a long way, right, and empathy, like you brought up.

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You know this is a good point in the conversation for a segment of the show called Developing Character, d-d-d.

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Developing Character.

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And so for everybody who's new to the show, michelle, you included.

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It's two questions, and here's my why, real quick before I jump into them.

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I think that everybody has something to stand on to get through the sticky spots where they lose sight of who they are, their identity, what they have to offer the world, their strengths, their own advocacy, I think, is the word you used, and, in my opinion, my working theory is that people have a value system that they can stand on to say, actually, this is more accurately who I am, not all the stuff people say about me, and this is what I have to offer.

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And so my questions, two of them, as vulnerably as you care to be in your answers, are based on time, because I think the perspective that you've developed is so unique, not because it's you and yours, but because it's self-perpetuating, it's your own internal mechanism.

00:27:52.163 --> 00:28:07.226
Now You're not reliant as much on other people's opinions internal mechanism now You're not reliant as much on other people's opinions, and so, as a kid, my first question is as a kid growing up, what were some of the values that you were exposed to or that you remember growing up around?

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My second question is then what are some of them now, if any have changed?

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I think one of the values that I was really exposed to was resilience and hard work.

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My mom and dad expected me to go to school, even when they knew I wasn't going to do well on a test.

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They were in a class.

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They would study with me.

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We had a lot of long, tearful homework sessions together, but they wanted me to be resilient, so I had to go and go to school, go face people even when I was struggling, and I think that was a big thing.

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Hard work was another thing.

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I wasn't expected to have perfect grades but I had to try and I really always had to work harder than other people and that really served me in the end because I wasn't just skimming to get by in classes served me in the end because I wasn't just skimming to get by in classes.

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I was somebody that was really getting good grades because I was doing sometimes bonus work and I was doing really good work and people eventually said that I was a good student because I learned that I had to work harder and I also had a teacher in my senior year.

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She said I never knew a student that could have a part-time job, still maintain good grades and have a social life, and just having all those things from a young child has taught me to be a hard worker, and also that endurance, too, has been a big thing.

00:29:30.269 --> 00:29:56.769
I can now understand that whenever I was a kid and I was sometimes being rejected and I had to still go to school and still face a lot of adversity, that I could be the kind of person that could really withstand a lot of things and I wasn't going to that, was comfortable with being independent and being my own person and not always having to make decisions and be a people pleaser.

00:29:56.769 --> 00:29:59.303
Those were some of the things I learned.

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That's a huge lesson.

00:30:02.006 --> 00:30:03.295
That's a huge lesson.

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And then your perspective on it, I think, is pretty powerful too.

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Being relatively ostracized, growing up in whatever social setting, oftentimes forces you to learn independence, and you may not get that otherwise.

00:30:19.819 --> 00:30:26.825
Maybe the courage to be independent in public or the confidence to stand behind your independent decisions, maybe right, but that's huge, yeah.

00:30:26.825 --> 00:30:39.076
And so how do you recommend, as parents, we advocate for or help our kids, as a teacher or as an individual, to develop that kind of awareness and confidence and courage?

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Is it all just emphasize and reinforce little wins, or are there other strategies you found to be effective?

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I definitely think recognizing and reinforcing little wins is important, because my dad found a story about a dinosaur in third grade that I wrote and up until that point I didn't think I was good at anything and he saw that and he said this is pretty good and that really influenced my life.

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So I think it's noticing what our kids can do and recognizing that and just building upon that.

00:31:10.041 --> 00:31:13.788
But I also think it's having that resilience too.

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I think it's okay.

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You know you're going to study with somebody and they're not.

00:31:18.439 --> 00:31:23.719
That kid's not going to do well on a test, but we have to say, okay, go forward, try your best.

00:31:23.719 --> 00:31:26.104
Let's try to learn from the situation.

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And it's also knowing when to come into a situation too.

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I had a teacher whenever I was in fourth grade and I was coloring and the teacher held up the picture and said does this look like she's really doing her best?

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And I told my parents about it because I really felt ashamed and my mom and dad went to the meeting and he was called out on that.

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But in other situations my mom and dad had me go to school, had me talk to my teacher, had me do a lot of things independently too, and I think it's just knowing when there's that point where a parent and an adult has to step in and also that point where we have to just sometimes let the student go and learn life lessons.

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All right, folks sit tight and we'll be right back on.

00:32:29.544 --> 00:32:30.605
Transacting Value.

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I think it's just knowing when there's that point where a parent and an adult has to step in, and also that point where we have to just sometimes let the student go and learn life lessons.

00:33:30.738 --> 00:33:40.432
What are some, I guess, thresholds that you've identified, maybe not specific to certain students, but I mean you mentioned knowing when to get involved, knowing when to let kids fall, sort of, and learn as they go.

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What are some of those thresholds that you've identified?

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I think some of the thresholds of learning to let kids fall are natural consequences.

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If the child forgets their homework, they have to go for that maybe not getting as good of a grade or maybe not learning the subject, and then sometimes that might just be something they have to learn and to improve on and have the parents be there to support them.

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But just some of the other things, like having parents show up for their child's individual education plan meeting, that's definitely a way that a parent can be able that needs to show up.

00:34:21.202 --> 00:34:27.983
I can remember this was before we even let students go into their own IEP meetings.

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My mom and dad would go to my meetings and they would tell me okay, we're going to your meeting on this day.

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Is there anything you want us to bring up?

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And they would bring up my concerns at the meeting and my parents would get back to me on what happened with that too.

00:34:43.556 --> 00:35:02.085
And I think it's having that honesty and that advocacy not something a parent can really do for their child, but also ultimately, it's having that child definitely sometimes go through situations where they have to learn and they have to be responsible and have those natural consequences.

00:35:03.490 --> 00:35:08.302
So then, in developing that kind of ownership, what doesn't work?

00:35:08.302 --> 00:35:13.931
And I think there's some obvious, like you know, insulting or belittling, like those kinds of things won't work.

00:35:13.931 --> 00:35:17.733
But we don't always know, you know, like I'm 37.

00:35:17.733 --> 00:35:19.753
I'm a millennial, some obvious insulting or belittling those kinds of things won't work.

00:35:19.753 --> 00:35:20.653
But we don't always know I'm 37.

00:35:20.653 --> 00:35:26.456
I'm a millennial, I'm a father, I'm learning, I don't know what I'm doing, just like any other father in their 30s before me, generations back right.

00:35:26.456 --> 00:35:30.498
So in the moment I don't know what doesn't work.

00:35:31.619 --> 00:35:41.202
Well, one thing with kids with learning disabilities is expecting perfection, because, well, nobody's perfect, whether somebody has a learning disability or doesn't.

00:35:41.202 --> 00:36:14.014
But sometimes parents that are like, well, if you don't get a grade above a C, or if you get a C on your report card, you're grounded, or if you get a D on a test or you don't do well at one, that's really a surefire strategy to really lose a student that has a disability, because there might be times where you might study with me for hours or you might go over information and I still might bomb the test or I still might struggle to find that.

00:36:14.014 --> 00:36:24.083
And expecting perfection, well, that's not something that a lot of us could well, any of us can do, but for, especially for a student with a disability, that can be really hard.

00:36:24.083 --> 00:36:27.364
The emphasis is but are you trying?

00:36:27.364 --> 00:36:29.646
My mom and dad made me do my homework.

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I still had to go to class, I still had to put the effort in and go to tutoring and do all that.

00:36:37.230 --> 00:36:43.242
So I think it's progress over perfection is a big way to really help somebody.

00:36:43.242 --> 00:37:04.340
I think it's also advocating is a big way too is encouraging them to advocate for themselves, to be able to ask for things, to be able to just kind of give that ownership over to their child eventually, but to be their biggest advocate while you have them there and to also be their encourager too.

00:37:04.340 --> 00:37:14.391
I know my mom and dad couldn't fix all my problems, but they were there to encourage me and I've also been blessed with some wonderful friends that were a great influence on me.

00:37:14.391 --> 00:37:18.338
They're a few years older than I am and they got.

00:37:18.338 --> 00:37:30.045
I was in an adult writing group and they got to see me grow as a writer and a person and 20-some years later we still meet and I think it's pushing.

00:37:30.045 --> 00:37:43.121
Yeah, it's finding those people, finding a good influence, finding your tribe of people who are going to to be in your life well, okay.

00:37:43.161 --> 00:37:50.981
Well, before I get to the tribe point you just brought up, you made me think about progress over perfection point you made.

00:37:50.981 --> 00:38:03.858
I think sometimes too and I'm curious your opinion here that that either can result in well then, I'm not going to get this, I'm a failure, I'm not going to be able to do this, I'm just not that good.

00:38:03.858 --> 00:38:12.391
That side of the mentality or the other side Okay, well, I figured it out, I'm just going to study to the test, I'm just going to learn what I need.

00:38:12.391 --> 00:38:19.393
I understand the patterns in the questions and I know those answers, but you don't actually learn the material in either circumstance.

00:38:19.393 --> 00:38:22.018
Is that common as a response?

00:38:23.500 --> 00:38:23.940
You're right.

00:38:23.940 --> 00:38:31.163
I mean a lot of people you do study for the test and that's all the information that you might have retained.

00:38:31.163 --> 00:38:32.853
Now my brain.

00:38:32.853 --> 00:38:35.360
I couldn't pick up on a pattern on a test.

00:38:35.360 --> 00:38:42.757
I mean I just don't pick up sometimes on a lot of patterns, but sometimes that can be really.

00:38:42.757 --> 00:38:49.115
Yeah, I agree, sometimes there is that time where we study what we need and we do what we can to pass.

00:38:49.115 --> 00:38:59.184
I mean, there's obviously situations like that, but sometimes it's also figuring out though maybe it's not that all or nothing mentality.

00:38:59.184 --> 00:39:06.123
Maybe it's one of those things where maybe something doesn't work out but we find a way around it.

00:39:06.349 --> 00:39:10.081
I'm not able to drive, but that doesn't mean that I can't get somewhere.

00:39:10.081 --> 00:39:19.077
I might have to have somebody take me, I might need to walk or I might need to have public transportation, but I can get where I need to go.

00:39:19.077 --> 00:39:23.954
It just might look different, and I think that was me redefining what success was.

00:39:23.954 --> 00:39:34.360
My father always told me that success doesn't always come in the package that you expect, but sometimes it comes in something different, and that has just been so true in my life.

00:39:34.360 --> 00:39:41.902
Maybe there was things I couldn't do, but I found ways to be able to get pretty close to it.

00:39:42.969 --> 00:39:55.097
Yeah, well, I mean, it's like you said too, you've got to be able to find your tribe right, and that may mean infrastructure, the public transportation or housing, accommodations or actual people and friends you socialize with.

00:39:55.097 --> 00:40:02.974
I think a tribe is a real broad sort of term for finding places where you're comfortable and competent and capable and all these other things right.

00:40:02.974 --> 00:40:08.771
So well, like you mentioned earlier, sometimes you have a harder time identifying patterns.

00:40:08.771 --> 00:40:17.536
So how did you identify your tribe If it's all really based on like-minded people or similarly conceptual people, you know?

00:40:17.556 --> 00:40:22.639
and I just never really had a connection with a lot of people I went to school with.

00:40:22.639 --> 00:40:44.711
Even today, I might have one or two people we're friends online but I really don't have that connection and I could just feel like, okay, I'm really not going to be able to connect well with a lot of these people.

00:40:44.711 --> 00:40:58.896
One of the first steps was I found a teen writing group that was just outside of our school district and I found some acceptance with that group and I started to write articles and do other volunteer activities.

00:40:58.896 --> 00:41:14.239
And then, when I got a little bit older and I started to transition out of that group, I was able to have that courage to go out there because I already had acceptance from other people and my dad found the group.

00:41:14.239 --> 00:41:29.882
He heard about it on the radio and I went into the group and I just I found people that had the same interest that I did and they were just a few years older than I was, and I think a lot of it is what are the interests that you have?

00:41:31.371 --> 00:41:38.721
I like writing, so I found other people that like to write and like to read, and I think that people can do that in other groups too.

00:41:38.721 --> 00:41:42.052
There's a lot of community groups that need volunteers.

00:41:42.052 --> 00:41:44.157
There's a lot of sporting events.

00:41:44.157 --> 00:41:47.063
If you're into that, Music, I mean.

00:41:47.063 --> 00:41:59.016
There's just a lot of things that people an interest for everybody and it's going for those groups where people are nice and that might share some of those same values.

00:41:59.016 --> 00:42:01.362
And then you also find people who are different too.

00:42:01.362 --> 00:42:04.235
No, not everybody's cookie cutter, Nobody's the same.

00:42:04.235 --> 00:42:23.358
But if you find people that share those interests, then you'll have stuff that you'll have in common with them and if it's the right people, you'll develop a tribe and they'll be the ones that will get to see the good in you and they'll also see the bad and they can help develop you as a person.

00:42:25.351 --> 00:42:26.094
Oh, that's powerful.

00:42:26.094 --> 00:42:35.139
Do you think and I guess this is really one of my last questions for the sake of time but do you think that there's an opportunity to do that?

00:42:35.139 --> 00:42:38.478
If you move around every couple years?

00:42:38.478 --> 00:42:46.402
Military kids foster home kids, you know people growing up through the educational system that don't have stability at home.

00:42:46.402 --> 00:42:53.398
Is it still possible to develop that kind of tribal association or comfort level or vulnerability?

00:42:54.561 --> 00:42:56.184
I think that it's a possibility.

00:42:56.184 --> 00:43:04.177
It might be a little more difficult, but I mean it's finding the good quality programming that is out there.

00:43:04.177 --> 00:43:12.536
For me it was finding a lot of the art groups like we also have an art center in our community too that people can do that.

00:43:12.536 --> 00:43:27.141
There's also YMCAs that I also I belong to the Y and they do a lot with youth development and they have adult activities as well, and I think it's finding those people, some people.

00:43:27.141 --> 00:43:32.094
It's places of worship where they can find friends or people that might have the same interests.

00:43:32.094 --> 00:43:44.400
It's just really looking out in the community, seeking out those resources and seeing what you love and what your passions are and just going out towards them.

00:43:46.371 --> 00:43:56.780
That alone takes a certain degree of awareness, I think, and boldness in the process, to just discover well you and learn who you aren't.

00:43:56.780 --> 00:43:58.811
And you know people.

00:43:58.811 --> 00:44:01.356
You may not talk to friends, you may not keep all the other.

00:44:01.356 --> 00:44:03.751
That's the reality of it too, I think.

00:44:03.751 --> 00:44:06.496
The harmony of the human condition, I guess.

00:44:06.496 --> 00:44:30.782
Yeah, okay, well, so let me ask you this of all the experiences you've had and all the ones we've talked about so far in this conversation, compared to who you used to be as a person growing up, as a kid or in high school maybe, what has all of this insight actually done for your sense of self, or how has it actually instigated your own self-worth now?

00:44:32.342 --> 00:44:32.443
now.

00:44:32.443 --> 00:44:40.407
I think what it has done is show me who I am and showed me, just developed me as a person.

00:44:40.407 --> 00:44:49.762
That was one of the things with especially the ones in my adult writing group I'm still meeting with 20 some years later, when I was a teenager.

00:44:49.762 --> 00:45:41.123
They didn't want to just see me develop as a writer, they wanted to see me develop as a person and they invested a lot of that time into me and I have that opportunity and also, with my parents, they got to see what I was good at and develop me too, and I think what that helped me to do is to see myself as a whole person, that I have a disability, but there's also things in my life that I'm not disabled at and I can do and there's value and there's worth and everything that I've gone through, pain and just all the good things have developed me into who I am today, and I used to spend a lot of my time thinking, oh, if I had this disability, my life would be perfect and I would be this perfect person and I can't imagine another life other than mine.

00:45:43.349 --> 00:45:44.034
Congratulations.

00:45:44.034 --> 00:45:49.757
I think I've said it three or four times this conversation, but the amount of progress you've made, yeah, unreal.

00:45:49.757 --> 00:45:51.621
Good for you, good for you.

00:45:51.621 --> 00:46:08.032
And so I guess the only other question I have at this point is for anybody that wants to gain more inspiration from you, learn more about your story, resources, outlets maybe they have to help process the world and, you know, relearn who they are, learning, disabilities or not.

00:46:08.032 --> 00:46:12.838
Where do people go to find your blog or any other resources you might have?

00:46:13.380 --> 00:46:20.255
Sure, you can find me at wwwMrsMichelle'sMissioncom, and I'm also on Facebook and Instagram.

00:46:21.599 --> 00:46:22.762
Perfect, okay.

00:46:22.762 --> 00:46:32.597
Well, so for anybody who's new to our show, depending on where you're streaming this conversation, click on See More or click Show More, and there's a little drop down arrow for the show description.

00:46:32.597 --> 00:46:42.893
In there you'll also see links to Michelle's website, mrs Michelle's mission for her website, and Facebook and Instagram, so you'll be able to get there as well.

00:46:42.893 --> 00:46:48.376
And, michelle, I'm looking forward to seeing how you develop, how you continue to write your blog.

00:46:48.376 --> 00:47:03.034
I think you've got such a powerful position right now in society as an authority, as an advocate, as somebody with enough courage to talk about these things in public, so I think you're in a really, really successful spot.

00:47:03.034 --> 00:47:05.041
So, yeah, I hope you keep doing it.

00:47:05.710 --> 00:47:06.512
Thank you so much.

00:47:06.512 --> 00:47:08.440
It's been a pleasure speaking with you today.

00:47:09.351 --> 00:47:17.260
Thank you very much for your time as well, and I appreciate it and for everybody else who's tuned in and listened to our conversation or watch the conversation in this case.

00:47:17.260 --> 00:47:18.972
Thank you, guys for tuning in.

00:47:18.972 --> 00:47:25.358
Everything else all of our other conversations you can go to transactingvaluepodcastcom.

00:47:25.358 --> 00:47:27.827
That's our website, but here's what's cool about it.

00:47:27.827 --> 00:47:31.217
On the homepage, in the top right corner it says leave a voicemail.

00:47:31.217 --> 00:47:36.733
If you click on it, it it's two minutes of talk time all to yourself, and in there.

00:47:36.793 --> 00:47:45.380
Here's my recommendation let us know what you think of the show, your feedback about our topics, about how we're structuring the show, the flow, my questions, whatever you prefer.

00:47:45.380 --> 00:47:45.822
It's fine.

00:47:45.822 --> 00:47:51.869