From Military Discipline to Yogic Peace: Kurt's Story

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The views expressed in this podcast are solely those of the podcast host and guest and do not necessarily represent those of our distribution partners, supporting business relationships or supported audience.

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Welcome to Transacting Value, where we talk about practical applications for instigating self-worth when dealing with each other and even within ourselves, when we foster a podcast listening experience that lets you hear the power of a value system for managing burnout, establishing boundaries, fostering community and finding identity.

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My name is Josh Porthouse, I'm your host and we are redefining sovereignty of character.

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This is why values still hold value.

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This is Transacting Value.

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When we talk about relationships mirroring our value.

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If you don't value yourself, your relationships will mirror that.

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Today on Transacting Value.

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See, a problem that a lot of people tend to have is, when you get stuck in a rut or in a routine for so long, it becomes part of your identity.

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This conversation we're talking with Kurt Waterstradt all about his experience and how he figured out for himself what it was like to reinvent himself throughout a process where he didn't have to sacrifice his sense of self and his identity.

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So, without further ado, folks, I'm Porter, his sense of self and his identity.

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So, without further ado, folks, I'm Porter, I'm your host, and this is Transacting Value.

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Kurt, what's up man?

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I'm good man.

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How are you doing?

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I'm doing good.

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I appreciate you coming in from the rain or whatever, in from the sweat you bicycle everywhere right.

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Yeah, I do.

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I ride my bike all around Tampa.

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So yeah, I spend a lot of time in the sun and I do sweat, and if it rains it's actually kind of nice yeah.

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I bet it is.

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I bet it is, and so let me open with this.

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I guess, first of all, the usual important pleasantries.

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In my opinion, in any relationship is a fair degree of gratitude, a little bit of humility and a lot of, I guess, inquiry.

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So thanks for your time.

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I appreciate you coming on to the show to talk a little bit, tell your story, share your experience as it applies to your own self-worth journey, but I don't really know a lot about you.

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For anybody new to the show, we're on a video call, Kurt and I.

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At the moment, it's easier to talk face to face when you have a face with another face, and so here we are.

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But since you guys are only hearing the audio out of this conversation, for the time being at least, as of right now when we're recording it, Kurt, take a couple minutes.

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Man, who are you?

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Where are you from?

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You know what sort of things have shaped your perspective.

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I am originally from Detroit, michigan.

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Long, long time ago I was in the military.

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Just like you, I did 20 years in the US Navy and that was was my formative years, from 19 to 39,.

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I retired as a Navy Chief.

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I worked in the intelligence community.

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That became pretty much a large part of my life.

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At the time.

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My wife and I met her in the military.

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I have three kids Before that.

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Even I was in college, checked out educational stuff just didn't fit with me at the time and the military gave me an option to travel because travel to me is really important.

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As you get to know me, I'm always up for a good adventure, especially if it's overseas or someplace I've never been.

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I'm one of those people.

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I want to see every country.

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At least once I haven't been there yet.

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I've been to six or seven continents Antarctica.

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I'm looking to find how to get down there.

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But otherwise I like to travel.

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And then, after the military, I didn't really know what to do.

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You know I came out and 20 years you know it is in the military you come out and you're like, okay, what now?

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I was a school teacher.

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I've always really liked to teach.

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I taught students and elementary school mathematics and middle school English language arts, and that was fine, but it just didn't quite fit with the life I wanted at the time and I really didn't know what I wanted at the time.

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So, lo and behold, I took a seasonal retail gig and one day I went to a yoga studio in the military.

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I mean, you're a Marine, so you know your body takes a beating over the years and you have all these like aches pains.

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So I found yoga and I started doing yoga just to try and heal up my body, because I had really bad back pain and, sure enough, doing yoga really helped.

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But I really didn't know who I was.

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So as I continued down my yoga path, I had kind of one of those epiphany moments and I knew things had to change.

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I'd only been retired nine months and I was not on a good path.

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And from there, man, I have dove headfirst into yoga.

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I now teach yoga.

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I teach yoga to at-risk populations, I teach in yoga studios.

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I'm also a professional speaker, as how you and I met, because I've been starting to work with veteran populations about the identity challenges when you transition from military service into civilian life, right from Firewatch magazine.

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So I'm also a writer.

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I never really anticipated myself being right here right now, let alone being a yoga instructor and being able to offer that to so many different people and opening their eyes to all the benefits like branded yoga pants obviously yeah, yeah, of course.

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I mean the yoga pants are really important, but uh, at the same time frame you can kind of just do it whatever you want.

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But I would say yes fair, you know, never know To each his own.

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So I'm curious here in the beginning of all this, I guess you went from well, I guess theoretically teaching since you were 19,.

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Right, even as a chief petty officer you're not not teaching, right?

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So now I've always taught mentoring, yeah, in some capacity, right?

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So what was your drive or reasoning?

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You went from well, let's say, a warfighting industry like the Navy, I don't know qualified how you want, I'd consider it more of a social science where you have to specialize in humanities.

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But then you got into social sciences, math and language arts, you said, albeit elementary school kids, but there's plenty of sailors, where it's a comparable education level, yeah, absolutely.

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Now you focus almost entirely on humanities.

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What?

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changed.

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That's actually really true, all of it.

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What changed for you?

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Why one from one to the other?

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If it's all teaching, why a preference in one or another?

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I look at it this way right, everyone always talks about their why, their purpose, and sometimes you can know what that purpose is.

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But there are different vehicles for that purpose.

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I still taught you're right before I was even in the Navy.

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When I was in high school I used to teach swim camps to younger kids.

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I was on the swim team in my high school and I did real well and then I actually would teach younger kids.

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So I've always had that drive to teach.

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But knowing what the right vehicle for me was was a lot more difficult, because in order to really live your purpose, you have to know who you are.

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And the thing is is, when I was, when I was younger, I joined the military just to get out of where I lived and kind of see the world.

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But when I got older now it was a matter of I hadn't really thought about myself.

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What drove me since I was a teenager.

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Because, as you know, with military service and this applies to a lot of people where your job has to be focused on the mission and focused on your teammates and everything like that when that goes away, a lot of the things that you were once into you forget about, because now you have all these imprints and you have all these titles attached to you and nouns Like, yes, before I was, I was Kurt as a kid and then I became chief petty officer, intelligence analyst, mentor, you know, cfl, father husband.

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You start adding up all these nouns and you get a really long list of them, which is great, but at the same time frame that doesn't always equate to your value.

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So as those start falling off, especially when you have big life transitions, you go back to who are you?

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Who am I?

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What really lights me up?

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Yeah, you can still know your purpose, but how do I live that purpose in a way that's beneficial for my life and I can still help other people?

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I think that's the difference.

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I think there's still a definite benefit.

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Nothing against the chief's mess and blood drives and Taco Bell raising money, but you know, donut days are nice.

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I've appreciated a few solid galley trips in my day as well.

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So you definitely don't don't undersell yourself here.

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You had a contribution, okay, but no, in all seriousness though, of all of those interests or I guess you'd call them hobbies maybe that you've gotten into now writing and yoga, albeit as a profession, but forms of expression, let's say, what is that?

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I guess tie in for you as it applies to travel, because it sounds like those are your primary two avenues of self-discovery travel and extrinsic sort of stimulators and culture and whatever, and then intrinsic or introspection, introspective type journeys, right?

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So what's the connection there for you among all those things?

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So with travel, for me it's that being completely out of an element.

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There's no comfort necessarily around me, there's nothing that I'm familiar with, so I feel primed for growth in those ways, when you go to a country and you travel around, like last year I was in Cambodia, so I took a bus between Simreap, where Angkor Wat and the temples are, to capital city of Phnom Penh, and we stopped in this little village.

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I couldn't tell you anywhere in between.

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I don't know what it was.

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Village.

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I couldn't tell you anywhere in between.

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I don't know what it was.

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I had to be the only Western white American, any of those.

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I was the only person probably within however many kilometers.

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But actually getting a chance to sit in that element and really experience people who were interested in me and I was interested in them, it fills my cup because then I feel more connected to a greater group of people and it takes away some of those illusions I won't even say illusions.

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I think sometimes we just we don't exactly know.

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We hear things but, as you know, you can read something and then experiencing something is very different, and this is where the real difference is and this is the biggest connection.

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I think of it as like starting from zero.

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So a lot of people think of zero as like a negative thing.

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However, zero in this case of travel and starting somewhere new and zero in terms of as I transitioned into yoga, it was freeing.

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I was free, liberating.

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I'm full of inspiration, creativity.

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I have no preconceived notions, I have no expertise that tells me not to try something.

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When you have that beginner's mindset, that starting out, I think that's one of the most powerful things we can have and I feel that every time I travel, just like I feel it and I cultivate it when I get on a mat.

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If I could do this yoga sequence for the first time even though I might have done it a hundred times, but I can stay present as if it's the first time it's a greater sense of self for me.

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I feel more present with what is going on now, without thinking about what the past was like or imagining what the future might be like.

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I think that's the biggest connection for me.

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Presence?

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Yeah, there's.

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Well, I'm sure you've known plenty of people, and probably from what you said yourself included, right, you had nine months there in retirement where you were trying to figure out who you were again and I assume it's been a continuing journey ever since.

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But there's plenty of people.

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You know what you could pick an industry.

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There's a very similar concept across all of these different demographics as a through line to this point where you look at convicts, serving any degree of time, foster care, traumatic upbringing, type phases for kids.

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You look at leaving home for the first time, going to school, joining the military, whatever happens at that point for people I don't know, 18 to 22 years old.

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You consider a couple of years to a long career in any industry and then you get out or empty nesters.

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Well, I've lived my life for my kids, which is great and admirable, but now you're not, because they're living their lives for them.

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They've alleviated that stressor from your consideration, right, they're mature enough to handle it.

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So who are you then?

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And oftentimes I think we look back and we're like man.

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I never actually stopped to think about it and now I'm absolutely petrified and anxiety goes through the roof, stress goes through the roof and everything just seems to be fear driven, which, I arguing anxiety almost always is.

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But those are all things theoretically, that haven't happened yet and so they're all in our control, whatever those outcomes are, of our decisions.

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And I think that you made a really powerful point just now.

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Just because we're starting over, or looking at the prospect of starting over, it's like hanging 10 toes on the diving board.

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You know you get up there either way, you're gonna fall, it's gonna happen, it just will.

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All right, folks sit tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

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y ou're gonna fall.

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It's gonna happen, it just will and it's not a fly analogy or die analogy it's just guaranteed you're gonna fall, because you were the big fish in your small pond after x amount of time, or at least you felt like it.

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You see if you think you are right and so you're gonna fall.

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But one thing I never considered, I guess, which sounds kind of mathematically ignorant but one thing I never considered was zero is not a negative number.

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And so, just because you know, we're starting over, I'm a reservist now but I also write for Firewatch magazine.

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I've had a long distance relationship with my son for the last seven, almost eight years of his life and he just turned 10.

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And now, at least geographically, we're co-located not in the same home but co-located and I gave up a salaried job.

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I didn't retire, like I said, I'm into reserves, but I gave up a salaried job.

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Essentially, in the job I had at least a company vehicle it was a government vehicle Benefits for free included and theoretically, in my opinion, once you reach 10 years in the Department of Defense, you're essentially, if you commit to another 10 to retire, you're essentially committing to a 10-year million dollar contract and that's gone.

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And I was like, hmm, where does the grocery money come from now, or how do I talk to people now?

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Who am I?

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Who do I even want to look like, now that I'm not clean, shaven, or now that I can actually, within a certain degree of reason, just whatever?

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Be myself means being.

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I didn't have a clue and all I knew was how I identified over my 14 year career, because that was the social circle I was in, that was my society.

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Everybody understood you because you all had a shared understanding, was my society.

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Everybody understood you because you all had a shared understanding.

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So it was really easy to be like if we didn't know anything else about you.

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Porter, you had on a uniform a name, you had your MOS or you had your job, and people were like, oh, I know generally what that guy does, I know what I can count on him for.

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And now you come out and you don't have that anymore and you're right.

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You're like who am I?

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In fact, that's how I ended up where I am now.

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Like you said, there were nine months I was a teacher and then I went into and I started doing yoga.

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I was in a class.

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I still remember the date it was December 12th 2021.

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And all the teacher does.

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When you go into yoga class, a lot of times they ask you to set your intention.

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They're like okay, set your intention for your class.

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And she is a wonderful, wonderful woman.

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I know her, she's a friend of mine now and she was like just finish this sentence, I am blank.

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And she throws out a couple of generic like I'm loved, I'm kind I'm smart.

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Generic like I'm loved, I'm kind I'm smart, I'm in a 95 degree yoga room for 45 minutes staring in a mirror, trying not to look at myself in the mirror, and I can't finish the sentence to save my life.

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I couldn't say anything positive about myself.

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I had no sense of self or value, at least not internally.

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I had gotten that from.

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Well, he's really good at leadership and he's a great chief and he's really smart, so he can do all this analysis work.

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So there I am and I'm just moving shape to shape, trying to follow the yoga sequence, and I couldn't finish the sentence.

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So we get to the end and we lay down the final pose, shavasana corpse pose, and the studio I was in.

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They give you towels to put across your eyes for the last five minutes and I was so happy that she handed me the towel first because it was close to the door.

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She gives me the blue towel and just as I put it across my eyes, I start bawling, I start crying.

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Man, because I'm like.

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I genuinely don't know who I am, what I represent.

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I couldn't say anything nice about myself.

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I didn't feel positive, I didn't love myself, I didn't even like myself and I at that moment, as I laid and I cried for the full five minutes.

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We were there.

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Nobody disturbed me, because there's some rules with yoga, there's guidelines with yoga, which I really appreciate.

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And I just knew, man, like, when I got up out of that class I was like, yeah, something has to change.

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I cannot continue down the path I'm in right now, not knowing what I was going to do.

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And you're like you said, I can take in a contracting job.

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I could have went and worked right back at CENTCOM as a contractor and made a bunch of money, but I wouldn't have been happy.

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I know I wouldn't have been happy.

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I know I wouldn't have found myself, I'd have been stuck in that same feeling.

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So that was the day that changed everything for me and from that point I didn't really know where to go.

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I just knew yoga was really important, I felt a lot better and I wanted to explore the philosophy behind it.

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I dove into that.

00:18:37.483 --> 00:18:56.202
It was just something about yoga and the personal journey that it inspires for you to really kind of figure out who you are, and to not only figure out who you are but to cultivate that kindness, compassion and love for yourself, just like you do for everyone else.

00:18:56.202 --> 00:19:02.002
I didn't have any of that and it was really, really hard, like looking back on it.

00:19:02.002 --> 00:19:04.367
Now I'm in such a positive place.

00:19:04.367 --> 00:19:16.907
I'm the healthiest I've ever been mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, the whole nine and I can't imagine what my life would be like if I went back to that old bird, like to think of that old version of me.

00:19:16.907 --> 00:19:19.941
I couldn't even imagine it now, man, like I really can't.

00:19:20.662 --> 00:19:22.184
Well, let me give it a shot.

00:19:22.184 --> 00:19:26.493
There's a lot of people and I'm using a lot loosely here.

00:19:26.493 --> 00:19:29.343
This is based on my quantity of exposures to people.

00:19:29.343 --> 00:19:39.215
All right, so that's my sample group, but there's a lot of people in the DOD active and reserves, not to mention plenty of veterans that are in it for VA benefits.

00:19:39.215 --> 00:19:40.642
Well, here's an example.

00:19:41.202 --> 00:20:09.038
When you're new, all you see and I'm saying new as an enlisted service member primarily all you see are people that have more time in service than you, and you're just absorbing what you think is relevant and what you think is important, but you're basically tuning out all the other stuff the comments, the atmospherics, the whatever because you're like you're in survival mode or or honeymoon, phase one of the two or both and after you get you know, whatever two or three contracts, you start gaining some awareness around you.

00:20:09.077 --> 00:20:11.401
It becomes routine, it becomes muscle memory.

00:20:11.401 --> 00:20:23.328
But I think that muscle memory also includes not just repetition with a trigger finger or how to respond in martial arts or whatever you're doing physically, but also mentally abuse relationship.

00:20:23.328 --> 00:20:23.888
We just accept it.

00:20:23.888 --> 00:20:43.511
You know, because and this is my working theory, because what I tend to hear we go out for pt, right, and I'm talking exercise, not physical therapy.

00:20:43.511 --> 00:20:52.180
We as a, as a squad or as a platoon, whichever most of my career for anybody new has been in the infantry, with the marine corps, and so you know we go out to train as a squad or as a platoon or whatever.

00:20:52.180 --> 00:20:53.644
You got a fitness test.

00:20:53.644 --> 00:20:55.190
What you guys have have purity right.

00:20:55.230 --> 00:21:00.486
You have your readiness test and yeah, and all that stuff happens right and without fail.

00:21:00.486 --> 00:21:10.599
You're going to hear somebody say, okay, all right, I'm ready, or some sort of comment that's like no, I'm old, I'm stiff, I don't want to do this, I don't want to be here.

00:21:10.599 --> 00:21:12.943
Or actually they say I'm old, I'm stiff, I don't want to do this.

00:21:12.963 --> 00:21:15.148
Right, I don't want to be here, or actually they say I'm old, I'm stiff, I don't want to do this.

00:21:15.148 --> 00:21:21.088
Well, let me, let me save you, dude, I don't care, but you got to be here, like I got to be here, and I'm not telling you I'm young and I don't want to be here.

00:21:21.088 --> 00:21:21.730
Why, what?

00:21:21.730 --> 00:21:32.651
What makes you feel like you're telling me you're old and stiff?

00:21:32.651 --> 00:21:36.674
And why would you want to break yourself more, unless you're accustomed to an abusive relationship?

00:21:37.296 --> 00:21:47.791
Right, and that's the biggest danger in the military and some of the services is people staying too long just for that extra two and a half percent in their retirement or better VA benefits, you know.

00:21:47.852 --> 00:21:51.268
I could have stayed on perceived comfort level out of here.

00:21:51.829 --> 00:21:52.432
Yeah, yeah.

00:21:52.432 --> 00:22:09.314
When I initially went to the military entrance processing center, or whatever MEPS actually stands for, it was on Water Street here in Tampa Bay, and that was our initial screening for anybody unfamiliar to get into the DOD not even specifically the Marine Corps, just to get into the DOD.

00:22:09.314 --> 00:22:11.961
And then there were certain other qualifying factors for the Marine Corps.

00:22:11.961 --> 00:22:22.096
Just prior to that, our Marine Corps recruiter pulled us into the recruiting station and he had us write on an index card, which I have since lost.

00:22:22.096 --> 00:22:24.608
I have no idea what happened to it Totally defeated his point.

00:22:24.608 --> 00:22:29.432
However, had us write on an index card essentially our why.

00:22:29.432 --> 00:22:38.814
And he said when you go to Parris Island and you get a chance to stop and process and you think to yourself, what am I doing here?

00:22:38.814 --> 00:22:42.661
Read this card and I thought, oh, that's a great idea, ok.

00:22:43.042 --> 00:22:44.208
Well, two things happened.

00:22:44.208 --> 00:22:48.490
One, I had no idea what to put on it, so I made up stuff that was half hearted and authentic in hindsight.

00:22:48.490 --> 00:22:54.730
And to the very first Chinese field day, or whatever you want to call it, the foot lockers got flipped, everything got thrown around.

00:22:54.730 --> 00:23:01.326
I lost it anyways, it didn't really matter, but because it didn't resonate with me anyway, I didn't have a way to get through all that stuff.

00:23:01.326 --> 00:23:10.765
Then in Parris Island and then as my career went on after the fact, let alone after my career to now, because I didn't know who I was I didn't stop to think about it.

00:23:10.765 --> 00:23:11.566
I just I didn't stop to think about it.

00:23:11.566 --> 00:23:12.026
I just I don't know.

00:23:12.026 --> 00:23:14.970
At least in the Marine Corps you put your Kevlar on and you skull drag and that's it.

00:23:15.590 --> 00:23:16.211
You don't think about it.

00:23:16.211 --> 00:23:26.071
Service, right Like, the whole point of bootcamp, is for you to strip away your individuality, because they want you to learn to put the team and the mission and your group before you.

00:23:26.071 --> 00:23:33.483
So, and there's nothing wrong with that, because you sign on the line and you are choosing to do that, and it's about overall service and a cause.

00:23:33.483 --> 00:23:40.548
The problem is, though, just like you talked about, you didn't know then, necessarily, but now fast forward.

00:23:40.548 --> 00:24:00.604
After 14 years, 20 years, however long, someone's in the like, we do want you to like, go to college and get a degree, and that'll, that'll really help you for advancement, but that advancement really is also, it helps them too.

00:24:00.604 --> 00:24:04.961
So it's not really, it's not about figuring out who you are at any point in time.

00:24:04.961 --> 00:24:17.421
It's about making sure that you stay a strong resource, somebody that people can depend on and help, and don't get me wrong, that can become part of you, but that still doesn't answer the question of like, who are you Like?

00:24:17.421 --> 00:24:19.067
What really makes you tick?

00:24:20.340 --> 00:24:22.886
All right, folks sit tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

00:24:22.886 --> 00:24:32.099
Join us for Transacting Value, where we discuss practical applications of personal values, every Monday at 9 am on our website transactingvaluepodcast.

00:24:32.099 --> 00:24:33.846
com.

00:24:33.846 --> 00:24:39.934
Wednesdays at 5 pm and Sundays at noon on wreathsacrossamericaorg/ radio.

00:24:42.142 --> 00:24:43.287
That can become part of you.

00:24:43.287 --> 00:24:47.141
But that still doesn't answer the question of like who are you Like?

00:24:47.422 --> 00:25:20.868
what really makes you tick yeah, and that's a fair point too, and I think to support that also with whatever the expression is, a degree of salt or whatever that any branch in the Department of Defense, within that entire defense industry in effect, is structured like an organization, like a corporation, theoretically right, where the things that they're pushing are to better the returns on investment, which is obviously tax dollars, into your performance for mission accomplishment in a warfighting environment or, theoretically, under duress.

00:25:20.868 --> 00:25:42.144
And so when your stress levels go down, for whatever reason, and you're no longer under the same standards of duress I don't know you're in a gym, you can grunt and throw around 45 pound plates and sweats if you want, and that's good, for I don't know what would you say about nine months, and then you're like well, I know what.

00:25:42.144 --> 00:25:45.971
You're not in the same stressful type position and also I want to.

00:25:45.971 --> 00:25:47.423
What was the expression I heard?

00:25:47.423 --> 00:25:48.950
I want to caveat with the dovetail.

00:25:48.950 --> 00:25:50.095
That's one of my favorites.

00:25:50.738 --> 00:25:51.942
This doesn't apply to everybody.

00:25:51.942 --> 00:25:55.886
This depth, this type of conversation, right, this type of introspection.

00:25:55.886 --> 00:25:58.846
There's plenty of people that are going to get into the DOD.

00:25:58.846 --> 00:26:04.951
Do just fine, be just fine, get out and carry on with their lives and just do them right.

00:26:04.951 --> 00:26:08.700
They may be self-aware, they may not be, but they're content.

00:26:08.700 --> 00:26:17.884
It doesn't apply to the people who feel stuck though, the people that feel lost and confused and overwhelmed and stressed.

00:26:17.884 --> 00:26:29.528
I don't even know the suicide rate after retirement from the DOD, but I've got a bet out of 1.5 to 1.8 million people that are in the DOD, it's at least double digit percentages of those that make it to retirement.

00:26:29.528 --> 00:26:32.859
I mean right, oh yeah, and that doesn't even include the ones who don't.

00:26:33.361 --> 00:26:44.871
But you know, theoretically, for any number of reasons, you factor in a war fighting environment and certain kinetic outcomes, but then also a degree of maturity and just overall, what is it?

00:26:44.871 --> 00:26:47.133
Frontal lobe development, pre what?

00:26:47.133 --> 00:26:48.773
26 years old or what?

00:26:48.773 --> 00:26:49.454
Pre paying?

00:26:49.454 --> 00:26:50.796
Not paying for a rental car?

00:26:50.796 --> 00:26:52.676
I guess so 25/26.

00:26:52.676 --> 00:26:53.238
Not paying for a rental car?

00:26:53.238 --> 00:26:54.480
I guess so 25, 26,.

00:26:54.480 --> 00:27:21.743
That if you're not mature enough within the six years let's say you joined at 18, if you're not mature enough within those six years seven years to be able to, I guess, legally handle a vehicle that's not yours, but you're expected to process the death of somebody you've gone through a stressful situation with that you've relied on and grown to like same, same, camaraderie, shared misery or whatever you bond over, let alone somebody you've known your entire life and you enlist together.

00:27:21.743 --> 00:27:23.407
Now it changes.

00:27:23.407 --> 00:27:24.730
Then why is that different?

00:27:25.071 --> 00:27:32.002
it's not and it shouldn't be, but it's treated as different yeah, you know the thing is and you kind of hit it in the nail on the head, right you?

00:27:32.002 --> 00:27:42.229
So you can do all those things and there are a lot of people they right, they get through the DOD, they do whatever, they continue on and a contracting gig and and they're content with all of that.

00:27:42.229 --> 00:27:55.493
But what you just talked about, really, too, is something that we don't talk about a lot, even though we it's become more of a thing with suicide rates in the military and the DOD and veterans everywhere.

00:27:55.493 --> 00:28:16.904
But the one thing that everybody needs and I don't care if you're content with being a contractor and still working in the DOD environment for a large number of years, however long you were in, and maybe after that, you basically were told to suppress a lot of things in order to get the mission done I mean, think about it In terms of vulnerability.

00:28:16.904 --> 00:28:30.037
When you use the word vulnerability, people always think in terms of weakness, or if you come from a cyber background and you're a nerd like I was, you're going to be like, oh, there's a way to get into that system and we should exploit that.

00:28:33.500 --> 00:28:37.894
The thing is, when you get to the other side and, like you just said, if you saw combat, death of another human being how do you deal with that?

00:28:37.894 --> 00:28:46.948
And then, if you didn't even see combat but you still had stressful situations and you went through everyone goes through life things while they're going on look how many people get divorced.

00:28:46.948 --> 00:28:48.152
You have kids.

00:28:48.152 --> 00:28:59.300
Your kids might have some issues you have to deploy, so then you're spending time away and then you have to try and reintegrate and the biggest reintegration is, after all, the time in the military.

00:28:59.300 --> 00:29:06.163
And then you have to learn to communicate but we're not in touch with I mean, I'm going to go out on a limb here.

00:29:06.163 --> 00:29:08.308
Most people are not very in touch with their emotions.

00:29:08.308 --> 00:29:11.122
I know I wasn't, and I think that was one of the biggest things.

00:29:11.162 --> 00:29:15.488
For me was when we talk about relationships mirroring our value.

00:29:15.488 --> 00:29:24.005
If you don't value yourself, your relationships will mirror that and how you interact with people will mirror that.

00:29:24.005 --> 00:29:31.825
Sometimes we'll throw ourselves into trying to help everybody else, which, again, it's nothing wrong to want to be helpful.

00:29:31.825 --> 00:29:33.767
It's nothing wrong to want to help other people.

00:29:33.767 --> 00:29:45.259
But it's finite If you don't have value there and your cup just keeps getting drained more and more and more and then you're not seeing that reciprocated from your relationships.

00:29:45.259 --> 00:29:47.744
People aren't kind of doing the same thing to you.

00:29:47.744 --> 00:29:52.060
That's where we end up being just completely bottomed out.

00:29:52.060 --> 00:29:59.368
You may hit bottom, you may hit rock bottom and then you're like, if you don't feel like you contribute to other people's lives, what am I doing?

00:29:59.971 --> 00:30:08.886
And I think this is across the just humanity, but the military is a very specific sample size because of, like, how abrupt our changes can be.

00:30:08.886 --> 00:30:17.839
You have to be able to have that value so you know, like you to love someone else, you have to love yourself, to just like yourself, to be okay with who you are as a human being.

00:30:17.839 --> 00:30:27.230
When things go wrong and you're a Marine and they always expect you to do you got to get it done you need to be at the top, like we don't want excuses, we don't want anything like that.

00:30:27.230 --> 00:30:32.212
We gave you a task, we expect mission success, like that's how that goes.

00:30:32.212 --> 00:30:40.260
So now you come out and maybe you're not in the marine corps anymore, you're not in that world and you're trying something new for the first time and you know what?

00:30:40.260 --> 00:30:41.683
You've never done it before.

00:30:42.025 --> 00:30:46.561
Okay, yeah, you might not succeed at it, you might make a bunch of mistakes.

00:30:46.561 --> 00:30:49.268
It doesn't mean, like man, I'm a failure like no.

00:30:49.268 --> 00:30:58.195
Just because you're you can succeed at one thing, does not mean you're going to automatically succeed everything else, and that's part of giving yourself a little grace.

00:30:58.195 --> 00:31:01.343
You know, we give empathy to other people, but we do.

00:31:01.343 --> 00:31:16.727
We very rarely give empathy to ourselves, we I mean, I know I'm my own worst critic I'll write anything and I have to reread it and reread it and this doesn't make sense and I've really come to a point of, like it's part of yoga philosophy, right?

00:31:16.727 --> 00:31:20.431
So the first part of yoga philosophy is the himself, which is non-harm.

00:31:20.920 --> 00:31:39.334
Well, that starts with yourself, how you talk to yourself, and that's really important because once I started healing me and I started feeling my emotions and letting that stuff flow, man, it started helping my other relationships with my kids Maybe not my ex wife now, but, uh, my current partner.

00:31:39.334 --> 00:31:41.641
Yeah, we, we worked through this.

00:31:41.641 --> 00:31:42.747
Those things really matter.

00:31:42.747 --> 00:31:48.587
And you know, the thing too is then, when those things get rocky, I don't look and go well, what did I do?

00:31:48.587 --> 00:32:03.413
Don't get me wrong, I'll reflect and see how I may have contributed to the situation, but I don't automatically just think that I'm the worst thing that's ever happened or I've done something like oh, it's just because of me, I'm just a bad person or I just don't understand.

00:32:03.413 --> 00:32:16.263
And when that changes just a little bit, when you can start to feel that in yourself, you'll realize relationships that aren't healthy for you anymore and you'll you'll make time for things that are.

00:32:16.263 --> 00:32:23.106
And ultimately, once you heal inward man, a lot of the other stuff starts falling into place.

00:32:23.106 --> 00:32:24.611
It's really amazing when it happens.

00:32:25.299 --> 00:32:31.622
Well, I gotta tell you, if nobody's told you yet, a lot of what you're saying is making you look really soft, Kurt.

00:32:33.246 --> 00:32:41.173
Yes, I'm sure it does, because I was an active, I'm a retired chief, but I'm an active yoga instructor.

00:32:41.173 --> 00:32:41.856
And you know what?

00:32:41.856 --> 00:32:45.426
It doesn't matter what you, what you think, it does sound soft.

00:32:45.426 --> 00:32:53.068
But when you get to the other side, and here's the thing, it's just you like, at this point it is, it is about you.

00:32:53.068 --> 00:33:02.144
And that's one of the things I think is the hardest mindset switch for all of us is to really make it about us without thinking, wow, I'm selfish, self-love isn't wrong.

00:33:02.786 --> 00:33:04.049
Yeah, yeah, and I think that's it.

00:33:04.049 --> 00:33:05.023
I think that's the difference.

00:33:05.023 --> 00:33:06.902
Right there, right Like selfish, isn't?

00:33:06.902 --> 00:33:14.890
I'm putting everybody's priorities beneath mine, but I can't help anybody else if I don't know where my shoes are when I'm going outside.

00:33:14.890 --> 00:33:18.869
All right, folks sit tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

00:33:20.121 --> 00:33:24.233
She didn't just visit the sick and poor, she moved in with them.

00:33:24.233 --> 00:33:28.826
It wasn't convenient and it wasn't pretty, but they needed help.

00:33:28.826 --> 00:33:32.252
Twelve more then joined this saint of the gutters.

00:33:32.252 --> 00:33:40.372
They were soon followed by over 4,000 other nuns who gave healing care in orphanages, aids hospices and charity centers.

00:33:40.372 --> 00:33:44.069
Mother Teresa couldn't do it all, but she gave her all.

00:33:44.069 --> 00:33:45.766
Compassion is in you.

00:33:45.766 --> 00:33:48.164
Now pass it on from PassItOncom.

00:33:50.691 --> 00:33:53.578
I can't help anybody else if I don't know where my shoes are.

00:33:53.578 --> 00:33:54.541
We're not going outside.

00:33:54.541 --> 00:33:56.153
You know, I learned that at Parris Island.

00:33:56.153 --> 00:34:00.933
Very quickly and repeatedly, you told me whatever terms, you told me to go outside.

00:34:00.933 --> 00:34:01.897
So I'm going outside.

00:34:01.897 --> 00:34:06.490
I mean, I know I left my underwear and my shirt and shorts there, but I'm the first one out here.

00:34:06.490 --> 00:34:07.971
I'm outside.

00:34:08.572 --> 00:34:08.893
That's it.

00:34:08.893 --> 00:34:09.554
I did the thing.

00:34:09.554 --> 00:34:10.534
That's it.

00:34:10.534 --> 00:34:12.135
You're just as wrong, right?

00:34:12.135 --> 00:34:16.418
It doesn't matter if you help get everybody else dressed and out of the shower, you're still the one who's a problem.

00:34:16.418 --> 00:34:18.521
And yeah, I think you're exactly right.

00:34:18.521 --> 00:34:19.641
And so let me ask you this then.

00:34:19.641 --> 00:34:23.003
I guess, before I get too much further into the conversation, you know what.

00:34:23.063 --> 00:34:53.501
This is a segment of the show called developing character developing character and for anybody new to the show, this is two questions, and I guess, kurt, you included, as vulnerable as you want to be, but you started talking about how values that you either allow yourself to get exposed to or that you sort of accumulate over time help to satiate some depth and degree of, I guess, scale for your relationships or appropriateness of your relationships, and so this is where these two questions come into play.

00:34:53.501 --> 00:34:56.869
My first question, and so this is where these two questions come into play.

00:34:56.869 --> 00:35:03.346
My first question when you were a kid, what were some of the values that you were actually exposed to sort of as your baseline in humanity growing up?

00:35:04.130 --> 00:35:05.353
Funny enough, I grew up.

00:35:05.353 --> 00:35:14.081
It's kind of a contentious thing now because I teach yoga and I'm on this philosophical path but I grew up in a very strict Christian home.

00:35:14.081 --> 00:35:25.523
So while Christian values I don't have any problem with anyone's religious values at all the number one that always resonated with me most was kindness across the board.

00:35:25.523 --> 00:35:29.733
And here's the one thing about kindness I didn't always get it demonstrated by my parents.

00:35:29.733 --> 00:35:43.121
My parents had their own challenges in life with people and ways of living and whatnot, but as a kid I always wanted to be kind to everybody and to be fair in the world.

00:35:43.121 --> 00:35:43.963
And you know how kids are.

00:35:43.963 --> 00:35:47.416
Man Kids sometimes are some of the meanest people around.

00:35:47.416 --> 00:35:51.596
I just remember, even though they would be mean to me, I'd still want to be kind.

00:35:51.596 --> 00:35:58.259
I always wanted to make sure that I was showing somebody kindness, and I think that's probably the value that stuck with me the most.

00:35:58.259 --> 00:35:59.932
That's, it's the stayed within.

00:35:59.932 --> 00:36:09.972
The only thing about it is, over the years, you show your kindness and something that happens to you and you're like okay, I'm going to kind of protect myself a little bit, a little bit more, a little bit more.

00:36:10.592 --> 00:36:21.715
Now I'll have people buzz me with their cars and ride my bicycle and they may yell at me a whole bunch of slurs or profanity to get off the road and I don't really feel that.

00:36:21.715 --> 00:36:23.617
I don't feel anger well up in it anymore.

00:36:23.617 --> 00:36:25.717
I don't know what they're going through.

00:36:25.717 --> 00:36:30.882
So while they might react that way to me, I won't wave sarcastically.

00:36:30.882 --> 00:36:33.835
I'll usually just kind of just shrug it off.

00:36:33.835 --> 00:36:42.610
Or if they say something to me, I'll be like hey, I hope you have a nice day, because for me I think that's a value that gets overlooked a lot of the time.

00:36:42.610 --> 00:36:43.472
You know what I mean.

00:36:43.472 --> 00:36:46.101
We have values of hard work and you can get work ethic.

00:36:46.101 --> 00:36:53.074
But I think some of those values at a human level are most important to me, and that one I can think of so many ways.

00:36:53.074 --> 00:37:08.259
As a kid that I was, that was my primary value, and now I'm just embracing it more as an adult than I ever did before yeah, self-control makes makes a huge difference, I think, exhibiting any particular values or value system.

00:37:08.800 --> 00:37:17.817
But you know, also not for nothing here to play a little, da I think you being on a bicycle not on the sidewalk but next to the sidewalk is part of their problem that day.

00:37:17.817 --> 00:37:26.760
So, yeah, I'm probably yeah you know, it may actually be you in some of those instances, but yeah, no, it's okay and and I get it.

00:37:26.981 --> 00:37:34.476
I just the only time I've been hit I've been in a sidewalk or a crosswalk, riding the streets actually safer and I'm doing about 20 miles an hour.

00:37:34.476 --> 00:37:36.393
I can't do 20 miles an hour on a sidewalk, man.

00:37:36.393 --> 00:37:37.315
That's way too dangerous.

00:37:37.454 --> 00:37:38.699
So fair enough.

00:37:38.699 --> 00:37:42.635
Well, and that's an understated, underrated perspective as well.

00:37:42.635 --> 00:37:45.902
I'm trying to get where I'm going and it's a lug nut rule.

00:37:45.922 --> 00:37:56.643
Man, you got like four total, you know, I mean just get out of the way and if there's not a shoulder or if there's not representation in your particular county to get it addressed, start some some sort of way to get it addressed.

00:37:56.643 --> 00:38:02.721
There's nothing wrong with benefiting a community, but what we're talking about community and all the ones you've been exposed to.

00:38:02.721 --> 00:38:10.014
My second question after all that's happened, what are some other values that you embody now or that you try to teach and stand by now?

00:38:10.695 --> 00:38:10.956
Okay.

00:38:10.956 --> 00:38:24.376
So I really do prescribe to a lot of the yogic values and while people talk about yoga and people think about yoga is like Instagram, I'm going to stand on my head and I'm going to be in all these cool shapes or I'm buying a certain type of pant, you know.

00:38:24.376 --> 00:38:27.938
However you want to look at yoga, I really do believe so.

00:38:27.938 --> 00:38:33.963
The first one of yoga, which is known as the yamas, these are kind of your disciplines, but you can think of them philosophically in this way.

00:38:33.963 --> 00:38:41.588
It really is non-harm, truthfulness, non-stealing, non-excess, non-possessiveness.

00:38:41.588 --> 00:38:53.242
Now, to break those down, it really just makes sense to me, because the first one non-harm really starts with yourself and then everyone else, that sense of kindness, compassion, love towards everyone else.

00:38:53.242 --> 00:39:05.572
You know, this is how I think about it, right, like you said, I might've been the problem that day on the road because, hey, I only got four lug nuts and you got a truck, you probably got 16, or whatever the thing about it is.

00:39:05.572 --> 00:39:12.239
I think about perspective in that way, right, like you and I, we had brunch a couple of weeks ago with everyone from fire watch.

00:39:12.239 --> 00:39:15.018
There were five, five of us at the table.

00:39:15.018 --> 00:39:17.213
Yeah, how many rooms were there?

00:39:17.213 --> 00:39:18.675
There are five of us at the table?

00:39:18.675 --> 00:39:19.679
How many rooms are there?

00:39:19.679 --> 00:39:20.440
How many?

00:39:20.440 --> 00:39:20.722
A lot of?

00:39:20.722 --> 00:39:22.833
You will say one, but there isn't.

00:39:22.833 --> 00:39:25.641
There's five, because each of us has our own perspective.

00:39:25.641 --> 00:39:44.585
So I don't see the world like you see the world, which means every time I have these, like when you have conflict with people and this is where a lot of this comes from is that understanding that non-harm, when you take it into your perspective and you say I don't see exactly the same way Porter does?

00:39:44.585 --> 00:39:46.775
So how might Porter see this?

00:39:46.775 --> 00:39:48.000
That I don't see it?

00:39:48.000 --> 00:39:49.329
It's not a right or wrong thing.

00:39:49.329 --> 00:39:50.275
I think about this.

00:39:50.275 --> 00:39:51.855
You ever known anybody who's colorblind?

00:39:51.855 --> 00:39:52.757
I had my buddy, Mike.

00:39:52.757 --> 00:39:59.614
We were stationed together and every Christmas would come around and they put the tinsel out, the red and green tinsel and, you know, decorate an office.

00:39:59.614 --> 00:40:04.356
He was colorblind and we would point to something and we'd go hey, mike, what color is that?

00:40:04.356 --> 00:40:06.458
And it would be clearly like green.

00:40:06.458 --> 00:40:18.335
He's like I don't know, like muddy brown and it's it's really true Like in his case, that was brown, it wasn't green like I saw green, it was brown to him.

00:40:18.335 --> 00:40:27.938
So when I think of this in terms of the values that I live by now, I think of non-harm because, yeah, I don't know what everybody's going through and I don't want to contribute to anybody else's suffering.

00:40:28.210 --> 00:40:31.320
Truthfulness that's your intuition at work.

00:40:31.320 --> 00:40:38.436
We talk about gut, gut instinct, like I can feel that this is what's right for me.

00:40:38.436 --> 00:40:49.572
Truth there are some constants in this world but in terms of truth, your truth and my truth and how we live may be slightly different and that's a whole long conversation that people can go a lot of different ways with.

00:40:49.572 --> 00:40:51.358
But I listen to intuition and truth.

00:40:51.358 --> 00:40:53.751
Non-stealing now we can all talk.

00:40:53.751 --> 00:41:01.981
We talk about non-stealing like I'm not going to steal your vehicle, I'm not going to steal your lunch money, your sandwich, but I'm also not going to steal your time.

00:41:01.981 --> 00:41:03.849
I'm not going to steal for myself by living in the past.

00:41:03.849 --> 00:41:07.760
I'm not going to steal from my present because I'm living through the lens of my past.

00:41:08.409 --> 00:41:13.617
Non-access I mean everybody's entitled to whatever they think will make them happy.

00:41:13.617 --> 00:41:22.554
In my case, I really do believe in the less is more, just because if I have enough food, what do I need more for at the time?

00:41:22.554 --> 00:41:27.070
If I have enough space for myself, I don't need excessive anything.

00:41:27.070 --> 00:41:33.840
And, to agree, excess is also a thing of too much of anything can be bad for you.

00:41:33.840 --> 00:41:38.592
So that kind of asceticism, that non-excess, is really important.

00:41:38.612 --> 00:41:42.831
And the last one, which is the most important, I think, is non-possessiveness, and that's the let go.

00:41:42.831 --> 00:41:44.777
And here's the thing about that.

00:41:44.777 --> 00:41:46.141
We talk about it.

00:41:46.141 --> 00:41:58.083
You and I had this conversation for those that were listening, we were talking about when you go into some of these American Legions and DFW halls and people are rooted in the past.

00:41:58.083 --> 00:42:09.900
They are still living through their stories that happened six, seven, eight, 20, 40, 60 years ago and that's the only thing they talk about and that's the only thing they identify with.

00:42:09.900 --> 00:42:11.152
They can't let that go.

00:42:11.152 --> 00:42:16.222
You have to learn to let those things go so you can actually live your life now.

00:42:16.510 --> 00:42:20.759
But there's a caveat to that you have to let go of the good stuff too.

00:42:20.759 --> 00:42:22.041
It's great.

00:42:22.041 --> 00:42:24.914
I've gone on some travel trips, man, that have been amazing.

00:42:24.914 --> 00:42:26.719
I've had some great experiences.

00:42:26.719 --> 00:42:37.170
I have those memories and sure, I have pictures and whatever, but I've let go of what that felt like, because that's how you lead to a life of comparison.

00:42:37.170 --> 00:42:40.820
That's how it's like oh, I'm now on a vacation and this is really cool.

00:42:40.820 --> 00:42:51.514
But you know, the last place I went, the waterfall was better, you know, oh, I went to that place and I mean they had better, better food or better coffee.

00:42:51.514 --> 00:42:53.496
I mean this is good, but it's not quite so.

00:42:53.496 --> 00:42:54.798
You have to learn to let go.

00:42:54.918 --> 00:43:03.137
So those values, those five right there, when you put those together and you really learn to practice them, and you learn to do this while you're on a yoga mat.

00:43:03.137 --> 00:43:07.634
In most cases, that's what the yoga mat is, it's a tool I've really come to.

00:43:07.634 --> 00:43:11.940
Those values overall are my go-to.

00:43:11.940 --> 00:43:15.465
If I can live by those five, I'm in the best place ever.

00:43:15.465 --> 00:43:18.269
I feel content with my life.

00:43:18.269 --> 00:43:21.615
And you know, there's a, there's a guy at Swami Rama he said this.

00:43:21.615 --> 00:43:31.101
His quote was "contentment is falling in love with your life, not just the good parts, but falling in love with your life as it is now.

00:43:31.101 --> 00:43:37.168
And that really is true when you can think about that, everything it's temporary.

00:43:37.168 --> 00:43:38.253
Right, we talked about it.

00:43:38.253 --> 00:43:40.760
I mean, I know they talked about it, probably in the marine corps, right?

00:43:40.760 --> 00:43:42.514
Yeah, you just gotta.

00:43:42.514 --> 00:43:46.692
You're gonna get through this exercise and you keep pushing, but you know what it's gonna end.

00:43:46.692 --> 00:43:48.074
It's gonna end at some point.

00:43:48.677 --> 00:43:57.693
Yeah, every time we ran past the barracks or you ran past the barracks a third time, like don't worry, we only have so much more, and then we're done.

00:43:57.693 --> 00:44:07.132
You know, I, I did some, I did some commands like that too, where it's like, oh, you'll get there, I mean we might do another 10 miles, but it'll end at some point, you know like.

00:44:07.132 --> 00:44:18.619
But those things for me really are like, those are the values I hold on to now, and it all comes from that place of starting with the non-harm and that's internally more.

00:44:18.619 --> 00:44:30.099
So I start with that one first, just because how you talk to yourself, how you treat yourself, when you think of non-harm, non-violence, I always think of your thoughts, your words, your actions.

00:44:30.860 --> 00:44:33.264
What do you think, what do you say, what do you do?

00:44:33.264 --> 00:44:35.878
And we're not in a society as much anymore.

00:44:35.878 --> 00:44:42.211
I mean, okay, we can talk about statistics or where you live or whatever actions are maybe not as violent all the time.

00:44:42.211 --> 00:44:43.614
We're more civilized.

00:44:43.614 --> 00:44:51.442
But you know what, when it comes to our thoughts and our words, there there's a lot of room for everybody, even me, I, I think about all the time.

00:44:51.442 --> 00:44:52.952
Now it's an awareness.

00:44:52.952 --> 00:44:56.501
I'll say something and I'll be like, dang, I, ooh.

00:44:57.132 --> 00:44:58.443
Well, you're back in the moment.

00:44:58.443 --> 00:44:59.190
You know what I mean.

00:44:59.190 --> 00:45:27.661
It's presence in the moment, like you said, whether it's thoughts, actions, feelings, words, whatever applies, but in the moment, and now that you mentioned it, the entirety of my career and I'm willing to bet I'm not the only one of what did one and a half, some odd million, that your entire career focuses on short, mid-range and long-term training plans or operations to a certain degree in any campaign, and it's not rooted in just exhale for a second, how are you doing now?

00:45:27.661 --> 00:45:30.052
Or what are you doing at present?

00:45:30.052 --> 00:45:35.318
Nobody cares, unless it's a, a sit rep or a radio call, right, like okay.

00:45:35.639 --> 00:45:40.226
But even then, what you're talking about is progress on the next thing or follow up on the last thing.

00:45:40.226 --> 00:46:06.090
It's not at the moment, usually, unless you're getting yelled at, and so, yeah, I think there's a lot of that that we bring with us, and it makes it difficult to identify some degree of contentment because we're not, like you said, accustomed or, to a certain degree, developed in some sense of maturity enough to just stop and just exhale.

00:46:06.090 --> 00:46:07.393
What about now?

00:46:07.393 --> 00:46:23.469
And that's a powerful point, man that, though, through all of this experience you've had in gyms and yoga studios and the Navy and obviously, fatherhood and just growing up as a human, all of these experiences, I mean.

00:46:23.469 --> 00:46:29.052
And we've spent the last you know whatever 45 minutes talking about how it's developed your sense of self.

00:46:29.052 --> 00:46:38.603
But my last question for the sake of time here I guess in the last two or three minutes we got left how are all of these things helping you instigate self-worth for other people?

00:46:39.429 --> 00:46:52.554
So that's kind of the thing, right, and I'm going to say this because the people I've talked to I haven't talked to a lot of people, you know we know that it's there and the one thing that as a social species we just want to know that somebody sees us.

00:46:52.554 --> 00:47:08.418
So when I can communicate to other people that I've been where you are, I can feel what that felt like, and maybe not exactly as you, but I have a very similar situation and this is now where I'm at.

00:47:08.418 --> 00:47:11.219
It's just that it's that same leadership by example.

00:47:11.219 --> 00:47:13.838
People then can see that there is a way forward.

00:47:13.838 --> 00:47:18.003
And that's the biggest thing I think that's most important is there's no magic.

00:47:18.003 --> 00:47:18.887
You know, that's the thing.

00:47:18.887 --> 00:47:20.532
There's no magic being.

00:47:20.532 --> 00:47:23.297
There's no quick shortcut.

00:47:23.297 --> 00:47:35.041
There's nothing like that, Like doing the work and sitting with yourself and constantly pushing, just not even pushing, but exploring why you feel the way you do.

00:47:35.463 --> 00:47:37.291
And it's okay to feel the way that you do.

00:47:37.291 --> 00:47:39.896
You should feel more, not less.

00:47:39.896 --> 00:48:08.280
You know, a lot of times and I was a serial compartmentalizer, I can compartmentalize the best of them I might've had the worst thing imaginable have a full anxiety attack in the parking lot and I'd shut it down, walk in the door and lead a meeting, as you know, the senior enlisted leader and I was, literally 15 minutes ago, on the verge of tears and unsure if I even knew that life was worth living anymore.

00:48:08.280 --> 00:48:10.150
Like I can compartmentalize with the best.

00:48:10.150 --> 00:48:27.277
So now, knowing that people want you, just want to be seen when you see another person and they can honestly feel that you understand them, that's the most powerful thing there is, because then they know it's not this theoretical.

00:48:27.277 --> 00:48:33.250
I read it in a book if you do these things, you can find happiness and you can find enlightenment.

00:48:33.630 --> 00:48:47.376
No, no man, I'm standing in front of you, I'm looking you in the eye and with each exhale loving kindness, it's saying I see you, I know where you're at and you know what you can.

00:48:47.376 --> 00:48:48.079
You're okay.

00:48:48.079 --> 00:48:51.251
Because at the end of the day, too, we always feel bad about like.

00:48:51.251 --> 00:48:57.603
I know I did, and I don't want to speak for other people, but I would feel bad about all these things that I held on to, and guilt and shame.

00:48:57.603 --> 00:49:04.083
And then I felt bad that I felt so bad and I was like why am I being, like you said, sounding kind of soft?

00:49:04.083 --> 00:49:10.179
Like again, why am I being so kind of off-putting about this like why am I feeling this?

00:49:10.179 --> 00:49:12.170
I shouldn't feel that I can push through this.

00:49:12.170 --> 00:49:13.333
I can handle this, what is?

00:49:13.393 --> 00:49:19.000
I can handle, like I don't even understand why I'm upset, and then you get angry with yourself because you were upset and it makes no sense.

00:49:19.000 --> 00:49:26.777
But you're just, because you're not willing to embrace that feeling, because it is okay to cry, it is okay to feel.

00:49:27.469 --> 00:49:28.594
Dude, that's it.

00:49:28.594 --> 00:49:33.161
You start mistaking your own kindness towards yourself as a weakness.

00:49:33.869 --> 00:49:35.574
Yeah, 100%.

00:49:35.574 --> 00:49:47.077
And when you embrace that vulnerability vulnerability is strength across the board, because your relationships will find a truer meaning you will feel real connections.

00:49:47.077 --> 00:49:54.572
And then you're going to really be able to understand when somebody else isn't really healthy for you and you're like, okay, maybe this doesn't, this doesn't work.

00:49:54.572 --> 00:49:57.539
You know, I've had friends in the military and, yeah, we serve together.

00:49:57.539 --> 00:50:09.420
It's great, but I know that hanging out with them is not really a good thing for me and I it's not that I don't care about them, it's hey, you know you want to talk again.

00:50:09.420 --> 00:50:11.023
I want to talk, but I don't.

00:50:11.023 --> 00:50:18.217
I can't keep reliving this the way that you live.

00:50:18.217 --> 00:50:19.728
And it's not judgment, because that goes back to perspective again.

00:50:19.748 --> 00:50:22.559
Right, we're all in a different part of our journey.

00:50:23.230 --> 00:50:31.639
Yeah, and everybody, I think, deserves a little bit of dignity in what honesty can bring, even though it is often difficult.

00:50:31.639 --> 00:50:36.672
Saying that, I do, again, appreciate your time and this conversation, man.

00:50:36.672 --> 00:50:44.059
It was way more well-rooted and constructed than I was expecting, because I thought we were going to stay fairly philosophical before I hit record.

00:50:44.059 --> 00:50:48.293
So I appreciate your ability to communicate all of this effectively.

00:50:48.293 --> 00:51:01.501
Thanks for your time, thanks for your insight, but I really just appreciate you letting yourself live through a lot of that stuff and experience it to a point where you're able to communicate it effectively.

00:51:02.081 --> 00:51:02.483
Thanks, man.

00:51:02.483 --> 00:51:10.094
Yeah, that's why I'm choosing to do the things I do now, because I know it's really important and I want to help people.

00:51:10.094 --> 00:51:11.480
That's my why.

00:51:11.480 --> 00:51:26.835
So if I can find ways to help people where they can come to a place where they're at their best self and they feel, even if they're at a low point, they feel like they're stood, that's not the end, then that's all I can ask for and that's what I'll work for every day.

00:51:27.710 --> 00:51:32.916
And so for people to find out more about you or hear more any of your speaking engagements.

00:51:32.916 --> 00:51:34.360
Where do people go?

00:51:35.750 --> 00:51:36.231
How do they do it.

00:51:36.231 --> 00:51:36.996
So my website's coming up.

00:51:36.996 --> 00:51:38.313
It's just my name KurtWaterstradt.

00:51:38.313 --> 00:51:38.896
com.

00:51:38.896 --> 00:51:44.213
I am on Instagram and then I'm on LinkedIn Firewatch Magazine.

00:51:44.213 --> 00:51:46.019
You write for them, I write for them.

00:51:46.019 --> 00:51:47.938
I got my column, the Byways.

00:51:47.938 --> 00:51:52.271
It's an authentic expression of me and you know what I'm happy with that.

00:51:52.773 --> 00:51:54.034
Yeah, I really appreciate it.

00:51:54.034 --> 00:52:03.731
To everybody who's new to the show, depending on which player you're streaming this conversation, just like Kurt said, you can click see more.

00:52:03.731 --> 00:52:07.422
You can click show more, and in the description for this conversation you'll see links to his social and his website as well, so be able to track that down.

00:52:07.422 --> 00:52:11.494
Thank you to our show partners and folks.

00:52:11.494 --> 00:52:15.722
Thank you for tuning in and appreciating our value as we all grow through life together.

00:52:15.722 --> 00:52:25.813
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00:52:25.813 --> 00:52:28.059
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00:52:28.840 --> 00:52:36.614
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00:52:36.614 --> 00:52:39.336
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00:52:39.336 --> 00:52:45.141
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00:52:45.141 --> 00:53:14.173
On behalf of our team and our global ambassadors, as you all strive to establish clarity and purpose, ensure social tranquility and secure the blessings of liberty or individual sovereignty of character for yourselves and your posterity, we will continue instigating self-worth and we'll meet you there.

00:53:14.173 --> 00:53:15.838
Until next time.

00:53:15.838 --> 00:53:17.664
That was Transacting Value.