Etiquette as a Secret Weapon in Professional Relationships

Kristi Spencer: 0:01

The first thing we teach people is to stop and think about what you're about to do. You can't just kind of gut reaction all the time and give people your unsolicited opinion all the time. You have to be intentional and you have to be strategic, but you also have to be authentic.

Porter: 0:19

Alrighty, folks, welcome back to Transacting Value, where we're encouraging dialogue from different perspectives to unite over shared values. Our theme for season four is intrinsic values, so what your character is doing when you look yourself in the mirror. Now, if you're new to the podcast, welcome, and if you're a continuing listener, welcome back. Today we're talking our July core values of initiative, freedom and independence with founder of the polite company and business etiquette instructor, miss Kristie Spencer. So what all that means and what all that has to do with the importance of your character and how you build relationships with people, that's what we're fixing to get into. So, folks, without further ado, i'm Porter, i'm your host and this is Transacting Value. Kristie, how are you? I'm doing great, porter, how are you? I'm doing well, thank you. I appreciate you making some time out of your day, especially here on a weekend when we're recording, to be able to talk for a little bit. So thank you.

Kristi Spencer: 1:11

I'm happy to do it.

Porter: 1:14

To have somebody in a well, we're on a video call for everybody listening, but to have somebody in a conversation like this in person or on video or whatever applies, i think there's a certain amount of I don't know pretense. You sort of have to work through right When you're in a public conversation like this, just with somebody other than you and your own head, and whether or not it's being recording. I feel like that's an important first step to just be aware of right, that there's social cues that still apply, there's ways you respond that still apply, and so I really want to dive into this. I really want to make sure we have a way to build it out. But I think it's just as important, for the sake of introductions and first impressions, that everybody listening knows who you are to. So let's start at the beginning. Christie, a couple of minutes please. But who are you, where you're from and what sort of things have shaped your perspective?

Kristi Spencer: 2:03

I live outside of Joplin, Missouri. I am a mom and a wife. I used to be in television news for a couple of decades before I decided to start my own business, which is the polite company. And what made me want to do this was, hey, it was time to change, time to do something different. But I was just drawn to positivity and the optimism that I found when I started learning etiquette and decided this is worth pursuing, Because if it makes me feel this positive and this good man, if I could do that for the people, that would be great. And so that's when I founded my business.

Porter: 2:46

You're saying learning etiquette made you feel good, because I'm picturing corset salad fork soup spoon.

Kristi Spencer: 2:52

Right. Well, sometimes etiquette has a bad reputation, and it's sometimes equals being antiquated or judgment of other people, and what I learned was it's the exact opposite. We can never learn etiquette to judge other people. It's a really good way to assess our own actions. It's a horrible way to assess other people. So, as having good manners means you never point out somebody's bad manners, Okay.

Porter: 3:27

Are you saying that's a baseline, or are you saying like having good manners means not pointing out somebody else's is like just a courtesy?

Kristi Spencer: 3:35

That's really a baseline is that you have to remember And I tell people I said I'm going to teach you a few rules that are going to get you through some situations. When you know what fork to use, you can concentrate on the person who's across the table from you, and when you know how to introduce yourself to somebody, you can make connections. But these are just some basic things that you can learn And you learn those rules that in turn, let you focus on the person and making connections. But what you don't ever want to do except if you're an etiquette advisor and give advice for a living, like I do is to kind of give unsolicited etiquette advice and to tell other people what they should be doing.

Porter: 4:14

Oh, i'm sure I mean that goes in a lot of social circles too. right, telling people what they should be doing when they don't really care to hear it never ends well. So this etiquette, teaching these sort of reliance and alliance with manners and mannerisms I guess you teach these to people all over the country or local schools or what's your market for it?

Kristi Spencer: 4:33

Well, I teach to college students and then I teach it to businesses. businesses who are interested in making great first impressions, who are interested in maybe we're hiring people that don't have all of the social, emotional intelligence that we wish that they would, And sometimes we think that people are. you know, we're going to hire people that have that, And I think more and more it's becoming the employer's role to impart some of that knowledge that maybe people didn't see modeled growing up or they haven't been able to use it to their advantage yet.

Porter: 5:10

Well, that's saying something, because a lot of what, at least, seems to be popularized on the internet, or even on radio and on TV, is a reliance on tech, not a reliance on people anymore. So are people, in your opinion, still driving business success and profits?

Kristi Spencer: 5:25

Absolutely. I mean, people are doing business with people because they like them, they trust them, they bring something unique. I don't think that we're all about the cheapest, easiest way to get things. I think that we're becoming more strategic, in a way, with buying things, and we're buying from people who align with our beliefs or who we trust or who have the personality or support the same things that we do. So I think we're always going to be in the business of people.

Porter: 5:54

See, when you say strategic, i hear intentional, purposeful. But in your opinion, are those similar? Are they even intertwined that much?

Kristi Spencer: 6:03

The first thing we teach people is to stop and think about what you're about to do. You can't just kind of gut reaction all the time and give people your unsolicited opinion all the time. You have to be intentional and you have to be strategic, but you also have to be authentic.

Porter: 6:18

Okay, But so learning how to behave, let's say, in a public environment or what's another way to say it, learning how to emote is that a word in a public environment and be sort of accepted? If you've got to identify you and your strengths first, how do you do that?

Kristi Spencer: 6:33

And do you think that either know your strengths or you can? I think they have to be authentic. I mean they have to be part of you, and I think that the best thing that you can do is start from that place of authenticity. So when I teach people, i do branding an image, we do kind of an image assessment and I ask you know what are the things that your friends say about you? And if you think you're hilarious and no one comes up and says that you're funny, you probably shouldn't build your brand on being funny. Speaking from personal experience. So find those things that other people think about already, those positive things, and then build on that.

Porter: 7:09

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Kristi Spencer: 8:12

So find those things that other people think about already, those positive things, and then build on that.

Porter: 8:19

Okay, so I mean, that brings it full circle, though You still need to be able to communicate effectively, to identify those things, to be able to communicate more effectively in these environments, maybe involving etiquette or whatever else. Well, so let's talk about you for a second then to identify, maybe even just for relatability here, a baseline of what we're describing in this conversation in terms of values and character. This is a segment in the show called Developing Character Developing Character Developing. Character And so what that means, Christie for you and obviously for anybody listening who's unfamiliar is two questions, and Christie as vulnerable or willing as you want to answer is fine, But two questions where they're both about you and they're both from different sort of time periods in your life. So this first question what were some of your values growing up?

Kristi Spencer: 9:05

I'd lived on a farm growing up and we didn't have fancy meals and we didn't have big parties. We didn't have things like that. But we sat around the table every night and we used to napkin and we didn't eat in front of the television. We really had that as a sacred time as a family. And, you know, go around the table and we would cut up and we would, you know, tell jokes. But that's such a strong memory for me growing up And I think that we're not used to that as much anymore. So for me that's one of the things that I learned and I still do with my kids today Is when we were having dinner, sit down All together and we had that meal. And I did that long before etiquette came around.

Porter: 9:48

But now that I have made etiquette a part of my life, it's even more telling to how important that was you think, before I get to the second question, that that opportunity, that availability of, or nuclear, you know Norman Rockwell type family environment where you can communicate, and the shared vulnerability and those kinds of considerations, is that a luxury now today?

Kristi Spencer: 10:12

I don't think so. It doesn't matter what you're eating or where, necessarily, you're eating, but you put your phones down, you turn all the screens off and you have that one-on-one Conversation. And what kids learn at that dining room table? really honestly, they don't even need to learn the matters at the dining room table, they need to learn how to communicate with other people and have that time. I think that we learned so much like that. And you know, i know we've seen the restaurant parents are giving their kids the cell phone to pacify them and Dang it. That's just such a lost opportunity and I know they're doing it. They're doing all the goodness of their hearts. You know not to bug other people in the restaurant, but you're missing an opportunity when we do those things and so face-to-face human interaction, that's the best thing that we can give the people around us, and it doesn't have to be fancy. You know It could be chips and queso, you know, but you're just together for that time.

Porter: 11:07

Yeah, i think it was a golden corral commercial. It's something that's what I'm picturing as you're describing this. It's this mom at a table, i think, with her daughter and a couple of her daughter's friends, and they're just showcasing the shrimp or whatever the food is it a golden Corral? but they're all in their phones and until she texts them fresh foods out or whatever, then they all start talking and getting excited, putting their phones down and going to get food and eating. And I think you make a great point that Luxury is relative one. It may be a baseline to somebody else, it may be Unobtainable for somebody else. Right, there's a relative scale there. But but being able to I don't know learn maybe, but gather Inputs on how to treat people as people goes a long way, and I think it's easier to catch it. And when you're younger, you know by then you haven't really made patterns. Yeah. Yeah, and just make that an expectation that you know, whatever it is, if it's morning breakfast together or it's five minutes, it's the way to school or whatever just kind of creating those rituals I think are Important and make our kids feel important as well so I guess when you say about these rituals again not to belay where this before question two here but when you talk about these rituals and Sort of blending into this social fabric a little bit more smoothly as we get older, i mean those kinds of things, those customs, those courtesies, that culture that we can foster as adults for future generations or for ourselves, i think it also helps you stand out some because it's not as common as maybe decades ago It used to be. Is that what you're finding also?

Kristi Spencer: 12:37

Absolutely. Things are much more informal today than they were when etiquette was kind of first introduced as a topic 100 and some you know, years ago and in America at least then so it's definitely changed. But The eternal opt-in is to me is like that is so great that it's less formal. It's not my job to make this world go back in time to where Gender roles and that kind of thing. We don't want to go backwards, but when it is a more informal world It is easier for you to stand out By learning a few of those things.

Porter: 13:09

Yeah, well, okay, so let's talk about a couple of these experiences that you've learned with question two here. Having said that, family, shared vulnerability, the ability to communicate and essentially build community as some values you were raised on. What about now? you've had all this exposure, or all these clients, all this work in the news industry for decades. I can't help but think some of that may have shifted. So what are some of your values now?

Kristi Spencer: 13:34

If you're in a television newsroom for any amount of time, you don't see the best in humanity. What we're seeing on TV on a nightly basis, these are not the feel good stories. They don't lead the newscast. They might be in there somewhere, But we hold up a lot of insubility and I think that that's dangerous. When that becomes the norm, I'm not going to ever say that starting a good newscast is ever going to work. That'll never work. It really won't, because that's just the culture. But it's being able to limit your exposure to that. You can choose that. There is no law saying you have to turn on the TV for the news every night. You want to be aware of things in your community and that are going on around you, but it is not a 24-7 must watch. I think that people consume a lot more news necessarily than they need to. I'm not saying dig your head in the sand and where those rose-cutter glasses are, But it's your choice to limit that. I think sometimes that can be really healthy to do that. For me, the negativity became a lot to carry. People don't think that necessarily you're in news, you're affected by that, but you are. It seeps into you. It's always overhead. For me, being able to break out of that and do something that is exclusively based in positivity was just a game changer, and it just had to be that way.

Porter: 15:06

All right, folks, sit tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value. All right, folks, here at Transacting Value, we write and produce all the material for our podcast in-house Game perspective alongside you, our listeners, and exchange vulnerability and dialogue with our contributors every Monday morning. But for distribution, buzzsprout's a platform to use. You want to know how popular you are in Europe or how Apple is a preferred platform to stream your interviews? Buzzsprout can do that. You want to stream on multiple players through an RSS or custom feed, or even have references and resources to take your podcast professionalism, authenticity and presence to a wider audience. Buzzsprout can do that too. Here's how Start with some gear that you already have in a quiet space. If you want to upgrade, buzzsprout has tons of guides to help you find the right equipment at the right price. Buzzsprout gets your show listed in every major podcast platform. You'll get a great looking podcast website, audio players that you can drop into other websites, detailed analytics to see how people are listening, tools to promote your episodes and more. Podcasting isn't hard when you have the right partners. The team at Buzzsprout is passionate about helping you succeed. Join over 100,000 podcasters already using Buzzsprout to get their message out to the world Plus. Following the link in the show notes let's Buzzsprout know we sent you. Gets you a $20 credit if you sign up for a paid plan and helps support our show. You want more value for your values. Buzzsprout can do that too.

Kristi Spencer: 16:38

For me, being able to break out of that and do something that is exclusively based in positivity was just a game changer, and it just had to be that way.

Porter: 16:50

I had a sort of similar experience, i guess you could say, starting up this podcast and this media company. There was a lot of things in the military, i guess, and then just in my experience throughout life, that I couldn't quite figure out how to process well enough to make me feel good or I don't want to say fulfilled or happy, or sort of fluffy and schmoozy and spiritually good, but I don't know. I just I lost sight of who I was And it wasn't, as I would just say, it wasn't as authentic as I think I could have been. And so opportunities like this to shift my perspective a little bit, like you're saying, with the polite company for you makes a really big difference, right, how you view yourself, your self-confidence, your self-esteem, waking up in the morning, your mindset, your mood, how you treat other people and all the above that I think that level of freedom to better your perspective and your outlook, on your own terms, is unbelievably underrated. So I guess let me ask you this you brought up etiquette, sort of being the norm and the standard. I think the point you said was 100 years ago. So let's just say as a baseline, 100 years ago, when it was the norm. That puts us well early 1900s, right Now, to frame my question and put out a setting here. That's World War I, that's the onset of the Great Depression, everything economic, economic and military that basically overtakes our history books now. But what's, i think, more negated social, customs, literacy, language, humanities, everything else around that period, socialites 100 years ago. I actually have a book up here, emily Post's Guide to Etiquette. Have you read it?

Kristi Spencer: 18:24

Yes, actually I graduated from the Emily Post Institute, so that's where I yeah, so I had my training from her great-great grandchildren, who still run the Institute. Last year was a 100 year anniversary of the first Emily Post etiquette book.

Porter: 18:40

Oh, geez, you didn't just make it up.

Kristi Spencer: 18:42

No, yeah.

Porter: 18:43

Okay, okay, all right. Well, yeah, okay. So small world. So what did they teach? Because the other lessons were, you know, walk with your chin up and stack books on your head. So how many books can you walk with?

Kristi Spencer: 18:57

I can walk with zero books on my head, but just to get a nerd out on etiquette for just for a minute. So when Emily Post wrote that book 100 years ago, what was also happening is we had a flood of immigrants coming in And what they wanted to do is become American as quickly as possible. And that really popularized her book because she was one of the first people in etiquette to say it doesn't matter what your last name is, it doesn't matter where you went to school, it doesn't matter where you live, it doesn't matter how much money you have, it matters how you treat people. And even a hundred years ago she wasn't talking about elbows on tables. The core of it was that you use the principles of consideration, respect and honesty to guide everything that you did. And now things have changed beyond what anyone could ever imagine, but those three principles still hold true today.

Porter: 19:56

So she was like the social media guide of her time.

Kristi Spencer: 20:00

She was, and she was a socialite. I mean, she necessarily wasn't a common person, but she wrote for people who wanted to learn as much as they could learn. but most of all, and she would say, it's not about what book you use, it's more about how you fuel the relationships around you.

Porter: 20:19

Well, okay. So if it's about building relationships in more of, obviously, a positive direction and inclusion and these types of things, I can't help but hear some parallels from then to now. Right like, like we said, economically, militarily, there's plenty of things happening. What would there be in newspapers and via word of mouth? Now are, I don't know, digitized on Twitter or any other website, social media, whatever, but, all things considered, still passed around. That carries some negativity that people want to pay attention to. It's like the action news. So the ability to pay attention to those things, I'm sure rested with a lot of people in terms of preference, but being able to treat people as people, that sounds like a sort of counterculture point to what would have been popular. Was that still the case?

Kristi Spencer: 21:06

I think that she made etiquette accessible to people that it wasn't necessarily accessible to before, and that's what popularized her. And it's still very true. There's a lot of thoughts when it comes to teaching etiquette, but what drew me to this particular type of etiquette was that accessibility and the fact that it doesn't matter how much money you have, it doesn't matter all of those kinds of things. It matters the kind of person that you are and it matters how you treat other people, and there is a value in caring for other people and honestly making people feel cared for, just little things that we can do, from acknowledging their presence to throwing them a party. I mean, it can go on both ends, but it's all still about people.

Porter: 21:51

And so this is, i guess, primarily what you teach just in a corporate environment. Like well, how does that translate Customer service or corporate etiquette or something? What is it?

Kristi Spencer: 22:00

Right. So you know, in the workplace sometimes we think you know good guys finish last, or nice guys finish last, or those kinds of things, and I don't think that that's the truth.

Porter: 22:11

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Kristi Spencer: 23:49

Sometimes we think, you know, good guys finish last, or nice guys finish last, or those kinds of things, And I don't think that that's the truth. I think that sometimes we overlook the importance of workplace civility, you know, treating other people with that consideration, respect and honesty, if that means from how we address people, whether in person or online, how we have virtual meetings. There are some systems that you can put into place to help you work through difficult conversations. How to write that. Thank you, note What is a professional dress and what's casual dress, and what image are you trying to portray? There are some things that we bring up, you know, personal space, shared spaces and those kinds of things. It's kind of these aha moments that people think all the time but they've not been able to maybe articulate what's bothering them at work, and so we can kind of work through those issues and think about how we're impacting the situation.

Porter: 24:50

Okay. so, talking about impact, let me ask you this then Is it, in your experience, easier to teach etiquette and these manners, these customs and courtesies from a position of, i guess, sort of a more negative lens? Like, don't be afraid of reprisal, don't be sucked into the popular atmospherics of conversation topics, or don't be afraid of so accepting to groupthink, that you start making fun of other people, right Where it's all. don't do this, don't do this, don't do this, as opposed to consider these things, do these things, try these things in a more positive, upward, trending direction. What's easier to portray?

Kristi Spencer: 25:27

For me it has to be the second way. I like to think of what if we all adopted this thing that we're supposed to do? I mean, whether it's saying good morning to people, let's all agree That's what we should do. Let's think about what the workplace would be like or other little things that kind of impact your day in a negative way. I think. Even if the number of workers who see instability a week is like 50% of the people have something uncivil at work happen to them every week. 12% of the people leave their jobs because of something that somebody did that was considered bad etiquette or rude or gossip or these kinds of things. It really becomes to a business as advantage for their reputation and their retention of employees to promote a more civil environment. Even if you think it's all business, why do we have to have good manners?

Porter: 26:23

Oh well, that's a great point too. Yeah, it's not personal, it's business. I think I've heard that I don't know, dozens of times a week.

Kristi Spencer: 26:30

It's always personal, everything's personal. We're people, we can't talk, we're not robots. I think that just having that type of mind and people think, oh yeah, gosh, it never fails, i will go and I'll teach a seminar and people will come up later and they'll say were you talking about me? Did they let you know that that was a problem with me? I'm like no, no one gives me any names before I go into these things. If there is a specific problem, i purposely do not want to know a name, because I'm the kind of person who would probably lock off and talk to a person. I don't want to know that.

Porter: 27:04

Yeah.

Kristi Spencer: 27:05

Sometimes people think, gosh, you're talking about me. It's no, these are universal things that we all do that, if we didn't, would make the workplace a lot better.

Porter: 27:18

In attempting to make it better. I guess you could say you're really empowering people to make changes. You're not really setting guidelines to meet, then, right?

Kristi Spencer: 27:28

Right. I just say, even if I spark conversation, if you say you know the other day a lady who came in and talked about it was talking about people who talked too well on their cell phone, i just wonder if you'll be my person and I'll be your person. If I'm ever doing that, you'll let me know. Same for you, even just to open up that conversation between people. Everybody needs somebody at work that can put them in the check their once a week or it just brings up and it sparks. I said the best thing that you can do to promote civility is just be educated about it and just have conversations about it, because it is evolving, especially over COVID. I mean, gosh, what hasn't changed in the workplace since then? There's so many changes. It's a great time to be in the business and it's super interesting, but things have definitely changed.

Porter: 28:16

Okay, but if somebody has to be, or a group of people collectively have to be, encouraging civility in the workplace, let's say that's our baseline to define and qualify etiquette in the workplace civility. What about socially anxious people? Things that they identify, they pay attention, these are things that are disrupting what could be a better, more efficient flow and atmosphere culture, but don't know how to address it, don't know the words to say, don't know the behavior or demeanor perspective to address it from. What do you do then? How do you work with those people?

Kristi Spencer: 28:50

No, i think that you have to think for yourself. Do you want a friend to tell you a problem, or do you want HR to tell you a problem?

Porter: 28:58

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Kristi Spencer: 30:10

Do you want a friend to tell you a problem or do you want HR to tell you a problem? For me, I would probably prefer a friend, somebody who's friendly, And I think that you approach those situations with just that empathy and say you know what I care about you and I want you to succeed. And if I was in your spot I'd want you to tell me. And so I want to tell you XYZ And you know, for people who are socially anxious or maybe don't necessarily know the norms of the culture that they're in, you're really doing them a favor. I mean, we can't just assume we all woke up in a different house, We all came to work from a different situation. Not very many people go to work with the people that they live with, And so you're bringing all of that to work, And so we just can't assume what's going on with anyone. And I think if you just approach it that way, like you're really honestly, sincerely helping the person, I think then again you're not only helping them but you're not hurting the relationship that you have with them.

Porter: 31:14

Well, okay, yeah, sure, maintaining let's call it rapport right, trust and confidence in whatever the relationship is and civility in these aspects is important. But that's in a workplace, primarily what we were just describing. What about in your family? You got to tell your mom, you got to tell your dad, parents to kids. I think is sort of overrated. That happens all the time. Right, stop doing that, do this or whatever, but the opposite direction. or you got to tell your grandmother. or your intergenerational communication, i think can be problematic too. So do you have any insight into that aspect of etiquette as well, or conveying it?

Kristi Spencer: 31:51

I think that you have to know who you're talking to and the way that they talk. If you're talking to somebody younger than you, there's one approach. You're talking to somebody older than you, there's a whole different one. I think first of all we have to make sure that people want the input from us. Some people are of the thought like I'm too old to change, i'm not going to change. Those people make horrible clients one way. So I like people who are up for change and who see the value in it. When I tell kids, when I'm teaching them dining etiquette, whatever your grandma told you, when your grandma's there go with that, i don't know the value in trying to change those minds, unless it's just something that is just not societally okay to do. I think sometimes again, just having that respect sometimes you got to be able to have some humor and we have to let people have a little slack too.

Porter: 32:44

Yeah, some of that we talk about, like when we go on deployments, right, we get these briefs that we call them country briefs, right. So it's everything from threats and considerations to pay attention to So we have the best chance of survival, all the way up to interacting with people, customs courtesies, cultural considerations, social considerations in that country or with a certain ethnicity in a particular village, even to avoid or at least be mindful of that. We're trying to build a respectful environment. We're trying to treat people as people, not people as enemies, and I think a lot of that provides this dichotomy between, well, let's say, the Department of Defense and a military industrial complex and way of thinking and reason for working, and then a more well, outside of that, civilian style, private sector style, everybody else style, way of interacting and living. But even still, the one thing that we have in common, and even in this conversation, is it's okay to treat people as people. You just got to learn how, and I think it's sort of a caught then taught, right like a nature then nurture type process. Kids are really nice as people to each other. Most of them tend to share and be friendly and give people hugs, and once you couch that with a little bit of caution. And then life experience. What makes adults change so much from that baseline? What do you think Such a good?

Kristi Spencer: 34:06

question and especially your experience of having to protect yourself and then try to be vulnerable with other people as well, is really interesting to you. Know, what does change us? I think that we're all stressed, from our kids to our parents, to money and finances and COVID, and then we had to teach our kids at home Are you kidding me? Then, when that all happens, we really start getting on planet me. It's about me. And when we look inward and we stop looking at others, that's when we start being rude and we're in it for ourselves. And so when you lose that self-awareness of how you impact a situation, and then what happens? when you do that, you're rude to people and that causes more stress in your life. So it's kind of this vicious circle. So I think that it is always trying to look outward instead of getting caught up on everything that is happening around us, is happening to us, and just trying to keep that self-awareness, i think, is so, so important. And that might be where adults kind of lose that, because man, kids are just so curious about things And I think that we stop asking questions as we get older because we're thinking about ourselves and our own justified struggles that we're going through.

Porter: 35:33

All right, folks stay tight. We'll be right back on Transacting Value. Did you know that the average turnover of employees within the US workforce per year ranges between 6 and 18 percent? Did you know that laying career groundwork, gaining work experience or even an up and out philosophy of job seeking are based on what's called intentional attrition? How do employees or HR managers even know new hires won't last forever and still maintain positive relationships with their alumni? Well, that's easy. Good manners are great for business. The values inherent to your business, like consideration, respect and honesty, corporate cultures for sustainable career progression or even intentional turnover and boomerang employees will thrive. Some of the workplace cultures we want to create require efficient or strategic changes. Often, though, they only require a good coach. For a fresh take on a classic problem At the polite company, business etiquette, coaching increases conversion of employees to ambassadors, quantities of positive internal reviews and stronger relationships among employees or staff, from HR managers to supervisors or workshops. Improving on the elephant problem of turnover requires more than a fork and knife at the conference table. For more impactful, respectful and successful workplaces through effective business etiquette, check out thepolitecompanycom today.

Kristi Spencer: 36:55

Man, kids are just so curious about things and I think that we stop asking questions as we get older because we're thinking about ourselves and our own justified struggles that we're going through.

Porter: 37:09

It reminds me we had a conversation with a guy named Sebastian last year. I think it was in February, maybe a while ago now. We talked a little bit about this sort of Peter Pan type complex where there are differences into what you brought up. I was just saying those are stressors in life, from being a kid to then being an adult and the changes that take place and reasons why maybe you don't want those changes to happen and you don't really want to grow up. These types of metaphors, i guess analogies Peter Pan to the real world right. Coping with those stressors, i think only happens two ways One, you watch people succeed in spite of them. Or two, you don't watch people succeed in spite of them and you still learn how to do it by asking questions or taking some initiative to figure it out on your own. I've never attributed that to etiquette, i think, for the reason you brought up in the beginning. I've just always attributed to an antiquated definition and set of parameters. We talked I'm not sure, i think it was a couple of days ago, prior to this, and you said good manners never go out of style and you're spot on. There's no need for them to, despite whatever clothes, appearance. Language preference may come about, even cross-culturally, intergenerationally, internationally. Treating people as people is huge. I think it's a lifelong endeavor, though It's not something you can learn overnight. But for the sake of time, christy, if people do want to try to speed up that process, obviously you've got some leverage and some experience to help with that. Let's take a couple minutes real quick talk about the Pellite Company. If people want to get in touch with you, if people want to attend seminars, or even what types of services you offer to enable those things, the floor's yours.

Kristi Spencer: 38:59

The best way to find me is at thepellitecompanycom. That's my website. I do everything from one-on-one personal branding and image coaching, especially for women, to I go in and do half-day seminars or keynote speeches. I try to shed some light on the dilemmas that we go through every day. Now we're talking a ton about tipping and how that has changed and the etiquette of that, but then we can just talk about empowering etiquette, which is how to say no politely and draw boundaries and to gain allies and to be a good friend to people. That's the keynotes center around and then the workplace ability training as well as where I go in and talk to businesses. I love to connect with people. I love it when people have an etiquette question and they send me a note and let me know, because that's the real world stuff. I share a lot in our local media television interviews combining my history with the current thing. I just pick topics that people are interested in and I just approach it from let's pick it apart and let's look at it from an etiquette perspective and whether that is some current event or whether we're looking at how to be better leaders through using etiquette All of these aspects. It touches everything. I love sharing with people and would invite anybody to check out the website and let me know if you're interested or even if you have one of those good juicy etiquette questions.

Porter: 40:32

You take what Emails You take phone calls You take in person. Does anybody has?

Kristi Spencer: 40:37

Yeah, social media is the best way that people can get in touch with me. If you look up the Polite Company Christie on Facebook and Instagram, you'll find me there.

Porter: 40:48

Okay, those links are on your website. Yeah, great For everybody listening. We'll have links to the Polite Company's website, christie's Media Profiles in the show notes for our conversation As you listen into this, depending on whatever player and platform you're using to stream see more, click, show more something that had effect. Just see the rest of the show notes and you'll be able to access those links from there as well to help you track down the Polite Company Christie's phenomenal insights and lessons on etiquette. Then, obviously, be able to direct any questions you've got for clarity or for hiring if you're also inclined. Christie, first of all, i appreciate you again taking time out of your day, out of your weekend, to be able to talk about some of these things, in my opinion, are extremely underrated or at least not very popularized in sort of plain speak and social media today. Thank you for your time.

Kristi Spencer: 41:38

Thank you so much, i loved it.

Porter: 41:40

Yeah, no problem. I'd also like to thank folks you for tuning into this conversation and listening as we're streaming this, but also to the folks at the Emily Post Institute, to the folks at the TV stations Christie's been employed with in the past and gained her insights and experience from, because without all of our life experiences collectively, we can't really ever become the person we could be and fulfill that image and learn from those experiences and pass it on to other generations. So thank you to all of those people as well. But, folks, i appreciate your time. Thank you for tuning in to listen to our July core values of initiative, freedom and independence. I'd also like to thank our show partners Keystone Farmers, market, ofen, clucker Farms and obviously, buzzsprout for your distribution. Folks, if you're interested in joining in our conversation or you want to discover our other interviews, check out TransactingValuePodcastcom and follow along on social media, where we continue to stream new interviews every Monday at 9am Eastern Standard Time on all your favorite podcasting platforms. But until next time, that was TransactingValue.