Empathy and Adaptability in a Life of Constant Change

WEBVTT

00:00:00.960 --> 00:00:10.875
The views expressed in this podcast are solely those of the podcast host and guest and do not necessarily represent those of our distribution partners, supporting business relationships or supported audience.

00:00:10.875 --> 00:00:35.295
Welcome to Transacting Value, where we talk about practical applications for instigating self-worth when dealing with each other and even within ourselves, when we foster a podcast listening experience that lets you hear the power of a value system for managing burnout, establishing boundaries, fostering community and finding identity.

00:00:35.295 --> 00:00:40.768
My name is Josh Porthouse, I'm your host and we are redefining sovereignty of character.

00:00:40.768 --> 00:00:43.067
This is why values still hold value.

00:00:43.067 --> 00:00:45.506
This is Transacting Value.

00:00:47.581 --> 00:00:57.265
I think, without even realizing what I was doing, I literally had to accept me for who I am and not be so concerned about what other people think.

00:00:57.265 --> 00:01:02.542
That was probably one of the crucial things that I had to do to make it work.

00:01:03.804 --> 00:01:04.927
Today on Transacting Value.

00:01:04.927 --> 00:01:20.490
Imagine being the new kid at a school, getting laughed at, made fun of having to make new friends, learn the new school rules, learn the new curriculum, learn the bus stops, learn the new teachers every single year.

00:01:20.490 --> 00:01:21.993
Don't think it's possible?

00:01:21.993 --> 00:01:23.727
Ever met a military kid?

00:01:23.727 --> 00:01:25.537
Today's conversation?

00:01:25.537 --> 00:01:48.010
We're talking with Toni Hedstrom, the managing editor of Firewatch Magazine out of Tampa Bay, Florida, and what we're finding is that, in her case, her through line led her to empathy, consideration, acceptance, trust and communication skills as a result of changing schools every single year, growing up with a father in the military and eventually marrying into a military household as well.

00:01:48.010 --> 00:01:52.665
So, without further ado, I'm Porter, I'm your host and this is Transacting Value.

00:01:52.665 --> 00:01:54.290
What's up, Toni?

00:01:54.290 --> 00:01:54.731
How you doing?

00:01:55.480 --> 00:01:58.590
I am fantastic Josh, Very happy to be here.

00:01:58.939 --> 00:01:59.281
Me too.

00:01:59.281 --> 00:02:00.745
I feel like it's been a long time coming.

00:02:00.745 --> 00:02:02.450
We've been discussing this for like a year.

00:02:03.885 --> 00:02:06.462
We have and you, you know what we're talking about today.

00:02:06.462 --> 00:02:12.022
I think is so important because, wow, does it ever happen to military all the time?

00:02:12.022 --> 00:02:16.713
And, like you said, not just military in your opening, but for military especially?

00:02:16.713 --> 00:02:21.192
You know, and I can definitely speak to that, and what it's like to have to put on a new hat.

00:02:21.919 --> 00:02:31.003
Absolutely, and it's not always as simple as literally changing your clothes, you know a new uniform, a new job, a new badge, a new career, whatever I mean.

00:02:31.003 --> 00:02:36.389
Sometimes it's a legitimate ground up, transformation, a divorce, for example.

00:02:36.389 --> 00:02:41.207
Let's start here, though, so not everybody can see you, not everybody knows who you are.

00:02:41.207 --> 00:02:43.006
So who are you, tony?

00:02:43.006 --> 00:02:43.687
Where are you from?

00:02:43.687 --> 00:02:46.764
You know what sort of things have shaped your perspective on life.

00:02:47.344 --> 00:02:49.491
So that is a loaded question when are you from?

00:02:49.491 --> 00:02:52.606
And that's why I'm perfect for this radio show today, this podcast.

00:02:52.606 --> 00:02:55.600
I'm not from anywhere, I'm from everywhere, you know.

00:02:55.600 --> 00:02:59.631
So I could tell you where I was born versus where my family's from.

00:02:59.631 --> 00:03:02.605
But that's life of a military child, you know so.

00:03:02.605 --> 00:03:05.612
So I've had this transition my entire life.

00:03:06.200 --> 00:03:07.425
I was born in California.

00:03:07.425 --> 00:03:09.908
We didn't stay there long enough for me to remember anything.

00:03:09.908 --> 00:03:12.007
We moved just about every year.

00:03:12.007 --> 00:03:17.111
I never went to school longer than a year until I hit, I think, the third grade.

00:03:17.111 --> 00:03:23.186
By then my dad was getting out of the military and I think it was so in his blood that then we moved all around Texas.

00:03:23.186 --> 00:03:25.366
We didn't stop, you know.

00:03:25.366 --> 00:03:29.050
So I was in Temple, I was in Belton College Station, bryan Mahea.

00:03:29.050 --> 00:03:33.965
So it's almost like it gets into your blood and you feel like you have to constantly move.

00:03:33.965 --> 00:03:36.370
But I, you know, started out.

00:03:36.370 --> 00:03:37.332
I had a rough life.

00:03:37.332 --> 00:03:48.906
It was really rough, and until I met my husband, who is military, and he kind of changed my life, met him in my hometown, which took me leaving there to recognize it as my hometown.

00:03:48.906 --> 00:03:54.606
It didn't feel like home when I was there, but once I left, I call it home and that's Central Texas.

00:03:54.606 --> 00:04:01.323
So met him there and I've been pretty much an entrepreneur most of my life, starting out young.

00:04:01.402 --> 00:04:04.966
You know, I was a single mom so I had what I call man jobs.

00:04:04.966 --> 00:04:07.247
I had a Frito-Lay trucker out.

00:04:07.247 --> 00:04:27.651
I worked for McLean's, which is a food distribution company, and I was the first female order filler for a Walmart distribution in the country, which was cool because I had to have the insurance and I had to have, you know, the benefits and things like that to take care of my kids.

00:04:27.651 --> 00:04:29.297
But that was my life before I met Jay.

00:04:29.297 --> 00:04:32.384
And then, once I met him, I switched from one career to the other.

00:04:32.384 --> 00:04:34.348
I went into real estate.

00:04:34.348 --> 00:04:37.254
It was literally an ad and a paper.

00:04:37.254 --> 00:04:43.783
You know, come to our brokerage and you know we'll pay for your real estate school, and that's how I became a real estate agent.

00:04:43.783 --> 00:04:47.009
But that's pretty much what I've done for the last 23 years.

00:04:47.009 --> 00:04:49.153
But that's me in a nutshell, yeah.

00:04:49.761 --> 00:04:52.786
And so then you've done real estate for that long.

00:04:52.786 --> 00:04:55.112
Yeah, why not change again?

00:04:55.112 --> 00:04:56.761
Why not try something new?

00:04:56.761 --> 00:04:58.425
No, why not try something new?

00:04:59.047 --> 00:04:59.408
That's it.

00:04:59.408 --> 00:05:02.946
So where we come to today, josh, that's exactly what I've done.

00:05:02.946 --> 00:05:06.180
It's kind of like those major events in your lifetime.

00:05:06.180 --> 00:05:06.740
You know.

00:05:06.740 --> 00:05:15.115
We all made changes, I think, to our life or recognized things that were important and important after September 11, 2001.

00:05:15.115 --> 00:05:23.831
I think a lot of us had that self-reflecting state after that day, and I think something similar happened when we all went through COVID in 2020.

00:05:23.831 --> 00:05:29.930
Not only myself, but there's a lot of people I know who made changes in their life during that year.

00:05:29.930 --> 00:05:37.744
You know, some of the most incredible to me were the many who, like, sold their houses and bought RVs and decided to travel the country.

00:05:37.744 --> 00:05:40.500
I met so many people who did that and I was actually quite jealous.

00:05:40.500 --> 00:05:46.233
Like to disconnect from everything and just be on the open road is like my dream.

00:05:46.392 --> 00:05:54.725
But you know, in 2020, I kind of went into the veteran realm outside of real estate and it was primarily for my real estate career.

00:05:54.725 --> 00:06:07.021
I you know that's what it was about was obviously to reach veterans and military families for my real estate career, but it took me in such a different direction for my real estate career.

00:06:07.021 --> 00:06:09.206
But it took me in such a different direction, almost like I was in the middle of a tornado.

00:06:09.206 --> 00:06:16.127
You know it wasn't a conscious decision to stop doing real estate, it's just finding yourself in a place that you're meant to be.

00:06:16.127 --> 00:06:21.348
For 20 years I did one thing Again, we can relate to military in this respect.

00:06:21.591 --> 00:06:27.329
You know you're in the military for however many years you're doing a thing, you think that's what you're going to do your whole life.

00:06:27.329 --> 00:06:34.021
You think when you get out of the military you're going to do that same thing, whatever it is logistics or whatever you do in the military.

00:06:34.021 --> 00:06:40.663
But you get out and you take that hard left turn and that's pretty much what happened over the last four years.

00:06:40.663 --> 00:06:47.035
Now is, gradually, real estate became the side gig until it became nothing Like.

00:06:47.035 --> 00:06:47.942
I really don't.

00:06:47.942 --> 00:06:50.247
I still have a license, but I don't do real estate.

00:06:50.247 --> 00:06:51.129
It's not my passion.

00:06:51.730 --> 00:06:52.533
And so then, what now?

00:06:53.360 --> 00:07:00.213
What began in 2020 evolved into Firewatch Magazine, so that is pretty much where I'm at.

00:07:00.213 --> 00:07:04.790
Working with that magazine gives me everything that makes me feel good.

00:07:04.790 --> 00:07:05.833
It's what I want to do.

00:07:05.833 --> 00:07:16.451
It's to be around the type of people I want to be around, helping people, connecting resources and just being a part of something bigger, and that's what Firewatch does for me.

00:07:16.451 --> 00:07:18.202
Not that real estate doesn't do that.

00:07:18.202 --> 00:07:20.928
Real estate's an incredible industry.

00:07:20.928 --> 00:07:26.067
You know you're a part of somebody's life and you're a part of one of the biggest decisions they'll ever make in their life.

00:07:26.067 --> 00:07:32.105
It's very fulfilling, but, like we talked about with change is sometimes you just got to take the left turn.

00:07:32.627 --> 00:07:32.927
Okay.

00:07:32.927 --> 00:07:48.071
Well, so then, in taking all of those other turns and reinventing and moving I assume somewhere around 12 to sounds like 15 different schools before you graduated high school what's been the through line for you in hindsight?

00:07:48.071 --> 00:07:57.031
There's got to have been some consistency, and I can't imagine that September 11, 2001 was your change catalyst.

00:07:57.031 --> 00:07:58.334
Was I'm done changing.

00:07:58.334 --> 00:08:00.444
Now I'm going to breed stability.

00:08:00.444 --> 00:08:01.326
You know what I mean.

00:08:01.326 --> 00:08:03.341
I'm not going to change anymore was your change.

00:08:03.341 --> 00:08:07.906
So there has to have been some sort of consistency despite all of that.

00:08:07.925 --> 00:08:24.531
You know, the only consistency that I can recall was negative, in the sense that when you're constantly the new person going back to school, always being the new kid almost every year, you know starting to work and changing jobs.

00:08:24.531 --> 00:08:34.043
I'll never forget I went into ATB grocery, our Publix in central Texas, to cash my check and the girl says, tony, you change jobs, like I change underwear.

00:08:34.043 --> 00:08:38.397
And I did that Like I, I had that in my blood.

00:08:38.397 --> 00:08:50.600
You know, my parents never stayed anywhere longer than a year and it kind of I was the same way, like I was just floating around, like I didn't know where I wanted to be or what I wanted to do, and I got a lot of experience out of that.

00:08:50.600 --> 00:08:59.068
You know, and I think that's what brought me into being an entrepreneur and starting my own business was I just never found the right place to be.

00:08:59.068 --> 00:09:09.403
You know, working under somebody, you know, with really low self-esteem and always trying to fit in and always trying, you know, feeling like the outsider.

00:09:10.306 --> 00:09:14.904
It's different, you know, for military kids, I can tell you I don't think.

00:09:14.904 --> 00:09:25.245
You know, I, people who have lived somewhere their whole life, for example, my husband, his family's home in Maine, they literally moved there in like 1973.

00:09:25.245 --> 00:09:26.186
His family's home in Maine.

00:09:26.186 --> 00:09:27.908
They literally moved there in like 1973.

00:09:27.908 --> 00:09:28.587
My husband spent his entire.

00:09:28.587 --> 00:09:32.490
That has always been his home, you know, since he was like five or six.

00:09:32.490 --> 00:09:40.638
And that is so foreign to me, like I can't imagine having that kind of history in a place, and you know I'm jealous of that.

00:09:40.638 --> 00:09:46.543
It's actually something that I envy.

00:09:46.543 --> 00:09:51.373
When I go back to Central Texas now I have that somewhat that feeling I've kind of attached to that area to have those feelings when I go back.

00:09:51.373 --> 00:09:55.230
You know that I can remember being in elementary school there or something like that.

00:09:55.269 --> 00:10:04.125
But the change was really hard and I think it really came to self-acceptance, I think without even realizing what I was doing.

00:10:04.125 --> 00:10:11.610
I literally had to accept me for who I am and not be so concerned about what other people think about me.

00:10:11.610 --> 00:10:17.307
That was probably one of the crucial things that I had to do to make it work.

00:10:17.307 --> 00:10:31.429
But even in regard to military, as far as starting over, you know I became a very successful realtor in Central Texas and one of the top producers in the area and I had to shut it down and move to El Paso.

00:10:31.429 --> 00:10:35.105
When my husband was, you know, he was given command of a battalion there.

00:10:35.105 --> 00:10:42.269
So we shut down and I relaunched in El Paso, which I was able to keep my Texas license, so that wasn't a big shift.

00:10:42.369 --> 00:10:47.764
And we were there probably I don't know three years, and then we came to Florida.

00:10:47.764 --> 00:10:51.056
So I had to shut down my career in Texas.

00:10:51.056 --> 00:10:54.547
I had to come to Florida and get licensed in Florida.

00:10:54.547 --> 00:10:56.432
But that was just starting over.

00:10:56.432 --> 00:11:01.423
Again and again, you know brand new client base, brand new environment, everything you know.

00:11:01.423 --> 00:11:07.110
I remember when we came to Florida I had never heard of condos condo associate.

00:11:07.110 --> 00:11:08.993
We didn't have condos in Central Texas.

00:11:09.432 --> 00:11:10.293
No, hoas.

00:11:10.293 --> 00:11:11.941
Never saw an HOA in my life.

00:11:11.941 --> 00:11:14.672
Short sales that was a brand new thing, I mean.

00:11:14.672 --> 00:11:21.913
So the whole world, the whole real estate world, had changed in the time it took me to come from Texas to Florida and get licensed.

00:11:21.913 --> 00:11:25.760
So it's just ongoing and maybe that's how my whole life will be.

00:11:26.322 --> 00:11:33.206
Did it help, do you think, having that kind of flexibility and adaptability, or was it just by chance that you were that flexible and that adaptable?

00:11:33.827 --> 00:11:34.850
It's like you had to be.

00:11:34.850 --> 00:11:37.764
You know I don't think there was an option.

00:11:37.764 --> 00:11:43.524
You know I could have been so defeated that everything I'd worked for in Texas was just nothing, you know.

00:11:44.044 --> 00:11:46.308
Yeah, because it's got to be frustrating yeah.

00:11:46.528 --> 00:11:47.991
The license didn't transfer.

00:11:47.991 --> 00:11:50.001
You know, all I carried with me was the experience.

00:11:50.001 --> 00:11:53.971
But I think that's where you just keep going and you just keep plugging it.

00:11:53.971 --> 00:11:56.365
You know, you just believe in yourself and you do the work.

00:11:56.365 --> 00:12:01.403
Like, I had to do a lot of research, I had to basically relearn my entire career.

00:12:01.403 --> 00:12:03.626
Coming to Florida, I mean, everything was different.

00:12:03.626 --> 00:12:09.274
You know, the real estate law was different, the contracts were different, the industry itself was different.

00:12:09.274 --> 00:12:14.692
But you know, you just kind of find your passion and you go with it and not feel defeated.

00:12:14.692 --> 00:12:20.311
But yeah, you got to allow yourself first of all kind of accept who you are.

00:12:20.311 --> 00:12:23.365
And finding the passion, I think, is crucial.

00:12:23.365 --> 00:12:31.272
I'm not sure if I could have done it if I wasn't passionate about what I did yeah, but you can't teach that, so how did you figure it out?

00:12:31.812 --> 00:12:32.320
trial and error?

00:12:32.942 --> 00:12:41.462
yeah, trial and error, and I think because in that particular industry, in real estate, it's all about relationships.

00:12:41.462 --> 00:12:43.346
It's really is.

00:12:43.346 --> 00:12:48.964
I mean, you have to have knowledge of contracts, obviously, but it's really about people.

00:12:48.964 --> 00:12:59.706
And you know, sometimes you feel like a bartender you got, you got the partners or the married couple or whatever they are, and you know one thing's this way, one thing's that way and you're kind of the middle guy.

00:12:59.706 --> 00:13:05.427
They're bouncing it off of you, you know, and you're you're seeing them through something very emotional and important.

00:13:05.427 --> 00:13:14.250
And you know I feel like that core of my personality didn't matter where I was, you know, I could be in Texas, I could be in Florida, I could have been in Maine.

00:13:14.250 --> 00:13:24.660
You know, wherever I was, I liked dealing and working with people, you know, and almost understanding the contracts and how to actually get them to closing was what I had to learn, you know.

00:13:24.701 --> 00:13:32.490
but the actual emotional side of it that transcends Alrighty, folks, stay tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

00:13:34.961 --> 00:13:40.673
Have you noticed lately how empty everything is Empty streets, empty stores, empty schools.

00:13:40.673 --> 00:13:44.634
But I'm trying to change these empty times by being full of gratitude.

00:13:44.634 --> 00:13:51.480
Gratitude means saying thanks to the garbage collector, the medical providers and all those who are helping.

00:13:51.480 --> 00:13:58.783
Every day, Things may appear empty around us, but when we're filled with gratitude, nothing is completely empty inside us.

00:13:58.783 --> 00:14:00.067
Gratitude is in you.

00:14:00.067 --> 00:14:02.051
From PassItOn.

00:14:02.051 --> 00:14:03.092
com.

00:14:04.520 --> 00:14:23.988
You know, and almost understanding the contracts and how to actually get them to closing was what I had to learn, you know, but the actual emotional side of it that transcends okay, and so that emotional side, the, the empathy, I guess, in helping people through these decisions, where'd that come from?

00:14:24.649 --> 00:14:31.201
You don't get that driving for distributors and as a single mom, necessarily you're focused on you and survival mode.

00:14:31.201 --> 00:14:33.525
So where did that come into play?

00:14:34.207 --> 00:14:34.609
I don't know.

00:14:34.609 --> 00:14:38.442
I think maybe if I had to, I'd say I'm like my dad in a way.

00:14:38.442 --> 00:14:42.488
My dad, who is a Vietnam veteran, my hero, amazing man, vietnam veteran, my hero, amazing man.

00:14:42.488 --> 00:14:46.955
But he has always been that kind of person.

00:14:46.955 --> 00:14:56.653
You know, he's a people person and he always had lots of friends and he always had people around him and he was always involved with people and helping people, you know.

00:14:56.653 --> 00:15:00.945
So I think maybe that's kind of I get that part of my personality from him.

00:15:01.567 --> 00:15:03.610
Well, let me ask you this then.

00:15:03.610 --> 00:15:06.001
I think this is a good point in the conversation.

00:15:06.182 --> 00:15:14.649
This is a segment of the show called developing, character developing character, and so for anybody who's new to the show, obviously Tony, you included.

00:15:14.649 --> 00:15:15.991
It's just two questions.

00:15:15.991 --> 00:15:20.711
As vulnerable as you want to be, feel free to answer or not, you can sidestep them and just let me know.

00:15:20.711 --> 00:15:21.341
That's fine too.

00:15:21.341 --> 00:15:32.951
But the idea here is to figure out in moments like that, were those opportunities or those growth points rooted, maybe, in a value system?

00:15:32.951 --> 00:15:43.051
And so my first question is what were some of the values that you were exposed to growing up, or that you remember learning as a kid that you think stood out to you?

00:15:43.659 --> 00:15:45.323
You know this is going to sound funny.

00:15:45.323 --> 00:15:55.629
I'm not going to say I was a bad person before I was exposed to the military as a spouse, but I think that part of my life is what shaped me the most.

00:15:55.629 --> 00:16:09.722
Oh, after, and yes, because when I became my husband's wife, I also became the spouse you know, and we were deploying I mean my husband, and I met in 2002.

00:16:09.763 --> 00:16:11.586
We met six months after 9-11.

00:16:11.645 --> 00:16:13.129
We married in 2004.

00:16:13.129 --> 00:16:17.682
We married on a Friday and he literally went to Iraq the next Wednesday.

00:16:17.682 --> 00:16:42.409
So when you are put into that situation where every week we would shut down our office it was I had four or five military spouses who worked with me in my office there in Central Texas Every week we shut the office down so we can go to the memorial services, you know, every week I mean we were losing people in Iraq out of Fort Hood.

00:16:42.409 --> 00:17:05.848
And then, being in a leadership position which I was because my husband was a major at the time, you know being in a leadership position of the FRG, people came to you, you know, and these young spouses who would come and they'd have real life issues that they needed help, you know getting through, and I think that probably is what gave me the compassion is to see what people are going through.

00:17:05.909 --> 00:17:14.609
And then it's a small town, you know Fort Hood is right outside of you know Killeen now it's called Fort Cavazos, but right there in Killeen, I mean you, you know people.

00:17:14.609 --> 00:17:20.548
It's not a huge town, you know, and we lost people whose wives worked down at the local flooring store.

00:17:20.548 --> 00:17:24.433
I mean somebody that you knew, you know, and what do you say to them?

00:17:24.433 --> 00:17:25.641
You know, kind of thing.

00:17:25.701 --> 00:17:26.222
I think, that.

00:17:26.383 --> 00:17:28.488
That made me a much more compassionate person.

00:17:28.488 --> 00:17:31.903
And then, even more so, going into Fort Bliss.

00:17:31.903 --> 00:17:40.689
That was really interesting because we were part of First Cav, which is out of Central Texas, out of Fort Cavazos now.

00:17:40.689 --> 00:17:52.373
But they started a new brigade and then my husband was commanding a brand new battalion, so it was a brand new battalion inside, started a new brigade and then my husband was commanding a brand new battalion, so it was a brand new battalion inside of a new brigade that was 500 miles from its division.

00:17:52.373 --> 00:17:54.704
We were isolated at Fort Bliss.

00:17:54.704 --> 00:17:56.228
We had nothing.

00:17:56.228 --> 00:18:01.346
We had to stand up FRGs, we had to stand up steering committees, we had to stand up care teams.

00:18:01.346 --> 00:18:10.528
It was like the wild west out there, you know, and the minute we all arrived, the families, the troops were preparing to deploy.

00:18:10.528 --> 00:18:14.063
So they were gone training, they were doing all these things, and then they were gone.

00:18:14.063 --> 00:18:16.410
And they were gone for almost 18 months.

00:18:16.410 --> 00:18:17.422
It was like a year and a half.

00:18:18.044 --> 00:18:19.126
They kept getting extended.

00:18:19.126 --> 00:18:31.011
Yeah, so you know that experience of being on the care team is something that changed me being there to be with someone as they're being told that they've lost their loved one.

00:18:31.011 --> 00:18:35.490
Thankfully, I didn't have to do it very many times, but I did do it.

00:18:35.490 --> 00:18:40.571
I mean, that's something that, first of all, why do I deserve to be here?

00:18:40.571 --> 00:18:44.789
I'm witnessing this Like to be a part of that.

00:18:44.789 --> 00:18:48.202
I can't even describe it, but I think that changed me in a lot of ways.

00:18:49.025 --> 00:19:08.143
The amount of potential for guilt or blame and probably the actual amount of anger and frustration and fear and depression and sadness all happening in a span of maybe three seconds is difficult to communicate with anybody that's never been in a similar circumstance.

00:19:08.143 --> 00:19:21.130
And I don't want to say life or death, because standing on somebody's front porch talking in a doorway isn't life or death physically, but it's definitely a moment where life or death is the focus and you can't recreate that.

00:19:21.130 --> 00:19:22.353
There's no way to train for that.

00:19:22.353 --> 00:19:36.144
Sure, there's licensing and certification, and plenty of social workers may disagree with me, but there's no way to actually say here's how you're going to react in that moment when you have to deal with something or somebody else in that moment.

00:19:36.144 --> 00:19:40.382
And so, through all of those things, my second question is what about now?

00:19:40.382 --> 00:19:53.881
What are some of your values that you try to stand behind, stand by, teach now, what are some of your values that you try to stand behind, stand by, teach, talk about, educate your family on?

00:19:53.901 --> 00:19:54.563
I think definitely it's trust.

00:19:54.583 --> 00:20:01.095
For one, as managing editor now for Firewatch Magazine, I find myself across the table from the most amazing people in the world.

00:20:01.961 --> 00:20:07.452
Some of these people share with me just utter heartbreak that you can't even imagine.

00:20:07.452 --> 00:20:20.490
I've sat with several gold star moms and they've opened up and told me their stories and again I'm always sitting there thinking do I deserve to be even sitting here with this person?

00:20:20.490 --> 00:20:27.782
You know, hearing about the sacrifice, like it's almost the sense of I have to be a certain type of person for them.

00:20:27.782 --> 00:20:41.269
You know I have to be respectful and mindful and caring and contribute and participate in these organizations and the different things that they do and try to support them, because that's what they deserve.

00:20:41.269 --> 00:20:48.104
You know, and especially as managing editor and writing stories about them, I'm telling the world about something that they're doing.

00:20:48.104 --> 00:21:03.761
I better get it right, you know, and I'm not perfect, so I'm sure I haven't always got it right, you know, but that's just a really high level of responsibility for someone to be willing to open up to me and me tell their story in this magazine Amazing.

00:21:03.761 --> 00:21:07.912
So I would say trust and respect is really important.

00:21:08.599 --> 00:21:23.271
And it sounds like you know, you seem to question a little bit maybe the continuity or the line of continuity through a lot of the things you've done and places you've been, albeit same cities in one state, for example, or same states in one continent.

00:21:23.271 --> 00:21:31.641
But in terms of reason, it's interesting to me because it sounds like you've sort of maybe even unwittingly, crafted this position as translator.

00:21:31.641 --> 00:21:33.506
I mean, you've become the bridge.

00:21:33.506 --> 00:21:52.923
You went from the suppliers to the wholesalers, let's say, in some circumstance in the beginning, bridging two services with certain whatever range of products real estate, bridging two parties through whatever range of products as a service, communicating one party to the other in a language the other can better understand.

00:21:53.546 --> 00:22:13.088
Working with families I'm sure there was plenty of, maybe informal, mediation or counseling throughout some of that, especially with the family readiness group and even more in an informal capacity, I'm sure, your own home life, going from a single mom into a married relationship and then raising kids throughout the whole process.

00:22:13.088 --> 00:22:14.804
Why is he gone too?

00:22:14.804 --> 00:22:15.707
Where did he go?

00:22:15.707 --> 00:22:16.609
Why is he still going?

00:22:16.609 --> 00:22:34.102
And then now right, liaising other people's perspectives and insights, lessons learned, stories, whichever whatever, into ways that people that haven't experienced them and maybe won't or maybe can't experience and putting it into words in ways hopefully they're a little bit better able to understand.

00:22:34.102 --> 00:22:42.344
So, in that sort of translating, I guess, capacity, as you've been moving your way through society, where do you see it going?

00:22:42.344 --> 00:22:44.537
How do you see it continuing?

00:22:57.809 --> 00:22:58.351
just said in return.

00:22:58.351 --> 00:23:01.679
I think one of the interesting things about change is there's a core me that fit through all of these different things.

00:23:01.699 --> 00:23:11.571
The core me that made me successful in real estate, the core me that helped me be beneficial, I hope, in my military position and then now with Firewatch.

00:23:11.571 --> 00:23:14.961
And it's almost like when, when you are transitioning.

00:23:14.961 --> 00:23:24.496
If you can identify and understand that core thing in you that you're passionate about, it'll fit in many different fields.

00:23:24.496 --> 00:23:45.978
You know, just like we talked about with real estate, helping people, with Firewatch magazine, trying to help people in the military, helping people, trying to help people in the military, helping people, you know there's a way to, I think, look at career options and identify them and maybe a different way to where it's not so much about the paycheck but the potential for happiness.

00:23:46.199 --> 00:23:50.833
I can tell you that I don't make near the money I made as a real estate agent.

00:23:50.833 --> 00:24:00.040
I totally sacrificed that, but it's okay and what I've realized is is that it wasn't about how much money I made.

00:24:00.040 --> 00:24:07.602
You know, it was about being happy and excited about what I'm doing every day, which I was for a very long time in real estate.

00:24:07.602 --> 00:24:15.557
But sometimes you got to take that, that leap, and it's it's hard, I understand, when you know you're the breadwinner in your family.

00:24:15.557 --> 00:24:23.661
You know it's scary, you know, and especially with the economy and things like it is right now, and I tell everybody what hamburgers eight bucks a pound or whatever.

00:24:23.661 --> 00:24:38.981
It's hard to make those decisions, but sometimes I think that it may be a harder path, but in the end it's going to get you even further than you could have been if you were just, you know, stayed in whatever it was you were doing, you know.

00:24:39.490 --> 00:24:41.796
Well, there's a lot of fear, even on the other hand.

00:24:41.796 --> 00:24:54.522
I mean, I guess the other party, as a spouse in a married couple, that 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, especially in the DOD, who are you without it?

00:24:54.522 --> 00:25:04.756
I don't think a lot of time gets spent identifying that or, if it does, a lot of credibility getting attributed to that process that it really makes a huge difference.

00:25:04.756 --> 00:25:06.160
You know, this is just who I am now.

00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:06.942
It's just my routine.

00:25:06.942 --> 00:25:08.031
I get up at 3.30.

00:25:08.031 --> 00:25:09.414
I do the same thing all the time, whatever.

00:25:09.414 --> 00:25:19.593
Maybe on one hand okay, but on the other hand, what happens when you don't have the same structure, your husband or anybody else you've talked to, anybody else you've worked with?

00:25:19.593 --> 00:25:29.417
I mean, well, then you know there has to be a transition time where the change just takes time to actually process.

00:25:29.478 --> 00:25:31.378
And I'm kind of in the midst of that.

00:25:31.378 --> 00:25:37.321
You know, it's definitely not an overnight thing, you know, and you question yourself Am I doing the right thing?

00:25:37.321 --> 00:25:42.204
And you know, am I forcing my husband to sacrifice because I'm making these decisions?

00:25:42.204 --> 00:25:45.446
You know, am I contributing enough to my family?

00:25:45.446 --> 00:25:46.686
What's important?

00:25:46.686 --> 00:25:47.748
Family life balance?

00:25:47.748 --> 00:25:58.734
There's a lot of questioning and sometimes, like this weekend, I just shut the door on Friday afternoon and I do not leave the house till Monday morning.

00:25:58.755 --> 00:26:11.498
I have to stop peopling for a couple of days and literally just be with my dog, you know, and sometimes that reflection time, you know I'll pull out the paper and make the lists and get my brain together and things like that.

00:26:11.498 --> 00:26:14.165
But yeah, I mean it's a, it's an ongoing thing and get my brain together and things like that.

00:26:14.165 --> 00:26:15.289
But yeah, I mean it's an ongoing thing.

00:26:15.289 --> 00:26:21.598
You know, at my age you would think that I'd be comfortably, you know, in my 25th year as a real estate agent or whatever.

00:26:21.598 --> 00:26:27.938
You're supposed to have a career and you're supposed to have it all figured out and sometimes you just don't have it all figured out.

00:26:29.330 --> 00:26:31.571
Alrighty folks, stay tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

00:26:31.592 --> 00:26:33.894
Alrighty folks, sit tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

00:26:33.894 --> 00:26:40.085
Alrighty folks, if you're looking for more perspective and more podcast, you can check out Transacting Value on Wreaths Across America Radio.

00:26:40.085 --> 00:26:45.472
Listen in on iHeartRadio Odyssey and TuneIn.

00:26:45.492 --> 00:26:51.804
You're supposed to have a career and you're supposed to have it all figured out, and sometimes you just don't have it all figured out.

00:26:53.109 --> 00:26:58.636
Most times, in fact, the day after my EAS, I said, oh, what did I do?

00:26:58.636 --> 00:27:00.098
What do I do?

00:27:00.098 --> 00:27:02.301
Yeah, you know how do I communicate.

00:27:02.301 --> 00:27:06.026
I can't tell people, I can't speak in tactics and grunts anymore.

00:27:06.026 --> 00:27:15.391
You know.

00:27:15.391 --> 00:27:15.832
There's no way to.

00:27:15.832 --> 00:27:17.195
I didn't even know how to communicate, let alone who I was.

00:27:17.195 --> 00:27:20.266
And so, as much as you've changed as a person, and as often as you've changed throughout your career with your family, how do you advise that?

00:27:20.266 --> 00:27:22.351
How do you recommend strategies for that?

00:27:22.351 --> 00:27:22.852
Do you?

00:27:22.852 --> 00:27:23.333
Can you?

00:27:23.894 --> 00:27:28.884
Yeah, I would say definitely you have to get out of your own head.

00:27:28.884 --> 00:27:30.830
Number one what do you mean?

00:27:30.830 --> 00:27:37.656
So like if you're, if you're thinking too much about it and you're too in your own head, it's like get out there.

00:27:37.656 --> 00:27:39.798
Networking is invaluable.

00:27:39.798 --> 00:27:41.080
That would be.

00:27:41.121 --> 00:27:48.086
My biggest recommendation to someone who is facing that in their life is get out there and network.

00:27:48.086 --> 00:27:55.071
People think about networking.

00:27:55.071 --> 00:27:55.815
I don't know what they imagine.

00:27:55.815 --> 00:27:57.461
I do it so often that I may not have the same ideal, but is it some boring?

00:27:57.461 --> 00:28:00.192
You just go have coffee somewhere and you know meeting people.

00:28:00.291 --> 00:28:26.007
But if you get into groups that are in line with what you enjoy so that's one thing about Firewatch Magazine that I've learned that there's so many groups for anything that you're interested in doing If you like to hike, if you like to bike, if you're a runner, if you like yoga, if you're a gamer, for whatever it is that you're interested in, there are groups out there of other people who like that same thing.

00:28:26.451 --> 00:28:30.396
And I would say having that outlet and having some sort of connection.

00:28:30.396 --> 00:28:42.653
Because what I come to recognize with military folks who transition out of the military and I'm not military myself, but again, we have similar life experiences in a sense.

00:28:42.653 --> 00:28:52.482
But if you're in the military and you're in this group and you have a group mission whether it's a platoon, a company, whatever it is you have a group mission.

00:28:52.482 --> 00:28:53.507
You know where you're supposed to be.

00:28:53.507 --> 00:28:58.443
You know where you're supposed to be, you know what you're supposed to wear, you know when it's time to eat.

00:28:58.443 --> 00:29:01.634
Your day is laid out for you, there's no question.

00:29:01.634 --> 00:29:03.278
There's not a question about anything.

00:29:03.278 --> 00:29:06.673
It's just very focused, very regimented.

00:29:06.673 --> 00:29:18.407
And then, just like you said, you wake up the next day and you're like whoa, like I could literally sit here on the couch all day and nobody's going to say anything except my wife or husband or whoever counts on me.

00:29:18.929 --> 00:29:26.056
They might have something to say, but there's nobody telling me what to do, where to be or anything, and sometimes that's the hardest thing in the world.

00:29:26.056 --> 00:29:36.383
But if you get out, even if going to these networking things is just your practice to get out there, get dressed, get out there and be somewhere at a certain time.

00:29:36.844 --> 00:29:37.244
On your own.

00:29:37.369 --> 00:29:38.934
You know, yeah, on your own.

00:29:38.934 --> 00:29:50.942
You know plan it, put it in your planner and go, and what you're going to find, I think, is that group feeling and mindset that you, you will miss when you leave that military family that you've come to know.

00:29:50.942 --> 00:29:54.226
That I left, you know several times myself.

00:29:54.226 --> 00:30:03.458
You'll find those other outlets out there and I think that's really important, that you don't make yourself isolated where you're living in your own head.

00:30:03.458 --> 00:30:05.125
You don't know the answers.

00:30:05.125 --> 00:30:08.598
It doesn't matter how smart you are, you don't know the answers.

00:30:08.598 --> 00:30:15.438
You know I call it the civilian alien landscape, you know because, it is a completely different world out here,

00:30:15.798 --> 00:30:17.742
than it is when you're in service, you know.

00:30:17.742 --> 00:30:25.584
So, getting out there around folks who have transitioned just like you, who are interested in things that you are interested in, you know, that's key.

00:30:25.584 --> 00:30:33.219
And I think that opens doors too, because I don't care where I go, there is always some kind of beautiful connection made.

00:30:33.219 --> 00:30:36.296
Care where I go, there is always some kind of beautiful connection made.

00:30:36.296 --> 00:30:40.211
Even when I go somewhere and we're all disappointed that not that many people showed up I'm always confident in saying you know what?

00:30:40.211 --> 00:30:45.474
But the right people, the people who are meant to be here, are here today, you know, because something great will happen.

00:30:45.474 --> 00:30:56.050
That would be my thing is because for me, I fight the wanting to crawl under a rock, the wanting to just hide, the wanting to just put it off till Monday.

00:30:56.612 --> 00:30:57.835
But there's just too much.

00:30:57.835 --> 00:30:59.839
Do I, am I dressing right?

00:30:59.839 --> 00:31:00.621
Do I look right?

00:31:00.621 --> 00:31:01.522
Is my hair right?

00:31:01.522 --> 00:31:05.601
And then you know, I could just shut the door on my house and be in my pajamas all day.

00:31:05.601 --> 00:31:07.673
You know there's that self-isolation.

00:31:07.673 --> 00:31:10.380
I think that can happen, at least in my life.

00:31:10.380 --> 00:31:21.315
You know that I have to fight against, but the value and the reward for getting out there and connecting with people is crucial and I think that's where the job opportunities come also.

00:31:21.856 --> 00:31:22.137
How so?

00:31:22.137 --> 00:31:22.137
.

00:31:22.701 --> 00:31:29.961
I think, because when you're out talking to people, you're going to be exposed to ideas and opportunities that you didn't know were in your wheelhouse.

00:31:29.961 --> 00:31:34.163
You know, my favorite story I like to tell people is about Johnny Farris.

00:31:34.163 --> 00:31:36.094
I'm not sure if you met Johnny yet.

00:31:36.315 --> 00:31:36.596
I have.

00:31:37.338 --> 00:31:38.704
He's one of my favorite stories.

00:31:38.704 --> 00:31:44.640
We just wrote an article about him in July when he says I was in logistics my whole career.

00:31:44.640 --> 00:31:46.222
I think he was 20 years in.

00:31:46.222 --> 00:31:48.634
I was in logistics, so you know.

00:31:48.634 --> 00:31:52.974
And the military said I was damn good at logistics, I had all these certificates and awards, he's like.

00:31:52.974 --> 00:31:55.890
So I just thought, when I got out good at logistics, I had all these you know certificates and awards, he's like.

00:31:55.890 --> 00:32:05.021
So I just thought, when I got out of the military that I was going to be in logistics and come to find out that's absolutely not where he needed to be, you know.

00:32:05.730 --> 00:32:10.760
Yeah, what's interesting about that too, is a lot of that is what gets promoted.

00:32:10.760 --> 00:32:16.190
Where do you go the last 12 months, give or take, or what do you look forward to going to?

00:32:16.190 --> 00:32:34.740
Maybe in some cases, the last 18 months of your military career is a transition assistance program, because it's the benchmark You're like now I can exhale, it's coming, it's real now, and your countdown starts right when, when you get there, you're talking about interview techniques and resumes and suits and haircuts and the initiative you were describing.

00:32:34.740 --> 00:32:36.194
And where can you go?

00:32:36.194 --> 00:32:37.018
What can you do about it?

00:32:37.018 --> 00:32:49.564
Well, a lot of the resources that get promoted and this is no fault of the DoD TAP program, but a lot of the resources that get promoted are start with what you know, which has to begin with.

00:32:49.564 --> 00:32:51.586
What's your occupational field and specialty?

00:32:51.586 --> 00:32:58.525
Consider these other similar industries outside the DoD, the common reference point there being it's career-based.

00:32:59.126 --> 00:33:07.884
But throughout the majority of the time, even for me in the infantry, we didn't talk about individualism, because it's taboo.

00:33:07.884 --> 00:33:10.673
You know it's not something you're going to discuss.

00:33:10.673 --> 00:33:30.326
In fact, the only times that I ever heard so-and-so as being an individual, it was never good, and so there's no ground to stand on, even in any of what we called ethical decision games to say, if this happened, what are the possible second, third order of effects or what happens as a result?

00:33:30.326 --> 00:33:36.259
Right In those processes, what we covered a lot, obviously, was tactics, given our occupation in the infantry.

00:33:36.259 --> 00:33:40.053
But we covered a lot was critical thought because we had to.

00:33:40.053 --> 00:33:50.059
The decisions that you make in a tactical environment, the immediate situation at hand, don't only impact there, they ripple out Onward and upward.

00:33:50.059 --> 00:33:52.614
Eventually the potential for national strategy change.

00:33:53.296 --> 00:33:53.656
Okay.

00:33:53.656 --> 00:34:04.912
So this strategic NCO idea, even despite that push, there was never a focus at least in my experience or in any briefs I went to, gave or had sat in about.

00:34:04.912 --> 00:34:09.322
Who are you as a person walking through that space as you interact with people?

00:34:09.322 --> 00:34:14.266
There wasn't a whole lot of resonance in it as a person.

00:34:14.266 --> 00:34:19.945
Then to get into DoD Tap and the first question that you start addressing is who are you as a person?

00:34:19.945 --> 00:34:34.563
And all of us, at least all everybody that was there with me the three times I went through it, said uh, and that was it, it was all we had, you know, so it's so true, it, it's definitely true, and maybe you got to play the field.

00:34:35.010 --> 00:34:38.420
Yeah, you may not know who you are, and that's kind of like what happened to me.

00:34:38.420 --> 00:34:44.621
You know, I found myself here where I am today and it's because that's who I am.

00:34:44.621 --> 00:34:46.411
But, I couldn't have told you that.

00:34:46.871 --> 00:34:52.541
Right, I was uncomfortable just figuring out what to do, where to go and how to do it.

00:34:52.541 --> 00:34:56.472
I heard for the first time hey, thank you for your service.

00:34:56.472 --> 00:34:59.601
I was like oh, oh God, what do I do with that?

00:35:00.329 --> 00:35:00.871
What are your thoughts?

00:35:00.871 --> 00:35:11.623
Yeah, so I want to say this because sometimes the reaction I've heard from veterans who hear thank you for your service, it creates all kinds of emotions.

00:35:11.623 --> 00:35:14.878
Some of them feel guilt when you say that to them.

00:35:14.878 --> 00:35:23.514
Some of them are grateful, some of them are like, oh, it's just a job, like, yeah, you got a job, I'm not thanking you for your service at your job.

00:35:23.514 --> 00:35:25.059
You know it's one of those things.

00:35:25.099 --> 00:35:30.025
But what I tell veterans is the problem is is that civilians don't know what to say to you.

00:35:30.025 --> 00:35:40.264
I mean, sometimes you got to think about when you walk into that group and you're with people who haven't served, who haven't been there and imagining what does it mean to be in the military?

00:35:40.264 --> 00:35:44.041
They're imagining you kicking down doors in the streets of Iraq.

00:35:44.041 --> 00:35:50.083
You know they don't understand the scope of the military and all the cogs and wheels and all the different positions and people.

00:35:50.083 --> 00:35:52.213
It takes Not everybody's Rambo.

00:35:52.213 --> 00:36:02.362
You guys, guys and gals, each have an important part of the entire wheel moving, but I think when you're with civilians we don't know what to say.

00:36:02.750 --> 00:36:08.813
You know, I and it's thank you for your service, because that's what I heard the other person say and I think that's what I'm supposed to say.

00:36:08.813 --> 00:36:20.298
So that's what I say it, that's why I say it, so understanding that sometimes they just don't know how to interact with you and I'm not sure I have an answer on how to fix that.

00:36:20.298 --> 00:36:34.338
But if you have that in your mind, when you're meeting a group of civilians, you feel like the spotlight is on you because you're walking in with this title, you know you're this veteran, you're military or whatever title you feel like you're carrying on top of your head.

00:36:34.338 --> 00:36:43.219
Just kind of hand it off to them because they're carrying that too, that guilt of not having served, or that they don't know what to say to you or they don't know how to interact to you.

00:36:43.650 --> 00:36:46.114
Yeah, and something to tie into that.

00:36:46.114 --> 00:36:53.052
We learn these weapon safety rules where you have to keep your fingers straightened off the trigger until you're ready to fire, for example mentally.

00:36:53.052 --> 00:36:56.833
You have to keep your fingers straightened off the trigger until you're ready to fire, for example, mentally, emotionally, not physically.

00:36:56.833 --> 00:37:01.336
Where you're owning that physical space, keep your fingers straightened off the trigger.

00:37:01.336 --> 00:37:05.039
You control that right Mentally, emotionally.

00:37:05.039 --> 00:37:07.440
Keep your fingers straightened off the trigger.

00:37:07.440 --> 00:37:08.721
You have to own that.

00:37:08.721 --> 00:37:12.463
Nobody else is triggering you to any responses.

00:37:12.463 --> 00:37:13.744
You know what I mean.

00:37:13.824 --> 00:37:21.248
And that degree of ownership and acceptance, like you mentioned earlier, isn't necessarily something you can teach, but it's something we can talk about.

00:37:21.248 --> 00:37:29.114
Conversations like this articles in Firewatch, whatever it is, I think helps convey some of that.

00:37:29.114 --> 00:37:42.396
So when somebody says thank you for your service, it may be their problem, fault, misunderstanding, whatever, but ultimately we're the only ones who are going to respond and make it as awkward as we make it or as uncomfortable as it could be.

00:37:42.396 --> 00:37:51.231
I think that's where some of that ownership may be able to address a little bit of that too and translate and in 2019, if you'd asked me you know, are you going to be a real estate agent when you're 80?

00:37:51.291 --> 00:37:57.916
I just said, yes, you know I'm going to sell out, but I think that's crucial is to find that.

00:37:57.916 --> 00:37:58.338
Now.

00:37:58.338 --> 00:38:03.842
I do want to say this because it comes from someone who I respect very much, tony Malkori.

00:38:03.842 --> 00:38:07.684
He is an Air Force veteran and he has an HR consulting firm.

00:38:07.684 --> 00:38:13.219
We did a story with him too, and the story was more focused towards employers.

00:38:13.219 --> 00:38:18.561
I think we titled it how to hire the most incredible employees in the world, or something like that, because that's what veterans really are.

00:38:19.170 --> 00:38:38.719
And he said you know they got to stop being scared to take the lower position, because you are qualified in a way that sometimes can't be translated in a resume or even an interview, but if you get your foot in the door, you're going to move up those ranks quickly Sometimes.

00:38:38.719 --> 00:38:40.003
You know the pride.

00:38:40.003 --> 00:38:42.972
My husband dealt with that when he left the military.

00:38:42.972 --> 00:38:56.016
You know he dealt with I should be making X, and that really stuck him in a position, and now he's doing something that he probably doesn't enjoy doing at all, but it was so focused on the money, the money, the money.

00:38:56.016 --> 00:39:06.164
You know it's like sometimes we have to take a little bit of a leap of faith and take that entry level position in the company that we want to work for.

00:39:06.164 --> 00:39:08.226
You know, start that new business.

00:39:08.226 --> 00:39:09.427
You know, like you did.

00:39:10.791 --> 00:39:13.239
Alrighty, folks sit tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

00:39:37.831 --> 00:39:39.775
This message is brought to you by the Armed Forces Vacation Club.

00:39:39.775 --> 00:39:42.503
All right folks, rental cars and more.

00:39:42.503 --> 00:39:55.201
In addition to service members and veterans, the club is tailor-made for National Guard Reserves, gold Star families and civilian DOD employees, as well as their families.

00:39:55.201 --> 00:40:04.041
The club extends a heartfelt thank you to our military heroes, saying it's time they enjoy a vacation they've truly earned.

00:40:04.041 --> 00:40:06.996
Discover the world for free at afvclub.

00:40:06.996 --> 00:40:08.860
com.

00:40:08.860 --> 00:40:09.911
That's afvclub.

00:40:09.911 --> 00:40:11.695
com.

00:40:15.079 --> 00:40:23.251
But sometimes we have to take a little bit of a leap of faith and take that entry level position in the company that we want to work for.

00:40:23.251 --> 00:40:25.313
You know, start that new business.

00:40:25.313 --> 00:40:29.168
You know, like you did, I think you're a real estate agent, aren't you?

00:40:29.621 --> 00:40:31.186
Yeah, yeah, well, working on it.

00:40:31.186 --> 00:40:32.730
It's a yeah, working on it.

00:40:32.730 --> 00:40:34.443
There's two points to that, though.

00:40:34.443 --> 00:40:43.465
I think that are important as well to note that, on one hand, especially in the DOD and this could apply to anybody else, I'm just not familiar with it.

00:40:43.465 --> 00:41:00.773
So, dod, here is a baseline that what you get paid, based on direct and indirect compensation, on average at or around the 11, 12 year mark time in service, you're making total compensation of almost over 100k per year.

00:41:00.773 --> 00:41:02.101
But you don't see it.

00:41:02.101 --> 00:41:09.527
And so what you get back is maybe I don't know 60k per year direct compensation, right, excluding benefits, dental, medical, whatever.

00:41:09.527 --> 00:41:17.099
And so then, on one hand, to get out and say, wait a minute, you're going to pay me over $100,000 to do the same thing.

00:41:17.099 --> 00:41:18.844
That's a great deal, but it's the same deal.

00:41:18.844 --> 00:41:24.755
Now you just have to account for paying medical and dental and insurance, right.

00:41:24.755 --> 00:41:25.744
And then you get paid.

00:41:25.744 --> 00:41:30.840
And oh, by the way, you're in a new tax bracket now because you're not paying based on 60K anymore.

00:41:30.840 --> 00:41:34.746
You're paying now over 100K at 30% or whatever it turns into.

00:41:34.746 --> 00:41:41.594
And so you look at it and you're like, oh my God, I just took a job where I'm only making 60K a year, but they said it was a hundred, it was such a great deal.

00:41:41.594 --> 00:41:48.445
Well, actually it's what you had before, but you had job satisfaction before and you knew the routine and it was simpler.

00:41:48.445 --> 00:42:06.610
And then, after the fact, now it's maybe a new career, maybe it's even a new industry, and you're fighting through a lot of the same perceptions or misconceptions, in some cases, that really not much different has changed, like you said, to understand a bit better who you are, where you come from, what you bring to the table may not be as direct as you expected.

00:42:07.074 --> 00:42:17.215
My second point that you just mentioned to the networking piece about Jay and adjusting and some of these considerations all of us inevitably go through is it's like library time.

00:42:17.215 --> 00:42:23.146
You remember that from elementary school, the librarian reads you the Swiss Family Robinson or whatever it is, and you're just napping.

00:42:23.146 --> 00:42:31.744
It's like that right In the 90s, at least in my experience in the 90s, the only way I knew how to network was not social skills.

00:42:31.744 --> 00:42:32.909
I didn't have them.

00:42:32.909 --> 00:42:35.045
I didn't do well in social studies.

00:42:35.045 --> 00:42:36.081
It didn't matter Anything.

00:42:36.081 --> 00:42:37.507
Social just wasn't my jam.

00:42:56.231 --> 00:42:57.494
Library time, though, for me, is where settings.

00:42:57.494 --> 00:43:07.005
I was still learning relative degrees of risk aversion and how to work through situations, even though it was all fictionally based, right and other people it's not.

00:43:07.005 --> 00:43:11.965
Other people it's on a sports team and it's non-fictionally based, but it's still the same lessons.

00:43:11.965 --> 00:43:14.452
Arguably, you're learning just a different format.

00:43:14.452 --> 00:43:19.146
Well then, my son in the 20 teens.

00:43:19.146 --> 00:43:25.175
He's learning to socialize and he's learning digitally primarily over anything else.

00:43:25.175 --> 00:43:29.409
He's not reading books, but is it really a problem?

00:43:29.409 --> 00:43:30.813
Maybe, maybe not.

00:43:30.813 --> 00:43:42.704
My opinion not necessarily, because he's still learning the same things, as long as we ground it in some degree of resonance or reality that what you just read also looks an awful lot like.

00:43:42.704 --> 00:43:45.851
Stop hitting people, don't bite other kids or whatever.

00:43:45.851 --> 00:43:52.000
You know cause and effect, time and place the same lessons we learned in library time yeah I don't know that.

00:43:52.099 --> 00:43:59.208
That almost to the extent literally gets conveyed in the dod to the extent that it should or could whenever you transition on your way out.

00:43:59.208 --> 00:44:00.313
But I think that's a lot of what it DOD to the extent that it should or could whenever you transition on your way out.

00:44:00.313 --> 00:44:14.253
But I think that's a lot of what it comes down to, the same degree of networking where it doesn't matter if it's in person, like you said, at a coffee shop, maybe it's just you in a book, in sweats, with Ben and Jerry's, because that's more your thing.

00:44:14.253 --> 00:44:22.735
Yeah, but you're starting to grasp a little bit more critically, or even intrinsically, who you are or who you want to be.

00:44:22.735 --> 00:44:27.172
Now that you have a little bit more carte blanche, sovereignty you can reclaim over your own self.

00:44:27.172 --> 00:44:30.065
Yeah, and yeah, I think that's a great point.

00:44:30.065 --> 00:44:34.333
It doesn't really matter the platform, as long as you get an idea what to do with it.

00:44:34.400 --> 00:44:39.144
Yeah, it's kind of like, if you're interested in something, I tell people I'm the smartest person in the world.

00:44:39.144 --> 00:44:42.708
It's kind of like, if you're interested in something, I tell people I'm the smartest person in the world, and they're like, they shake their head, but I am.

00:44:42.708 --> 00:44:43.889
You ask me anything?

00:44:43.889 --> 00:44:47.472
All I got to do is go Google and I'll have an answer right.

00:44:47.492 --> 00:44:49.135
You ask me how to do just about anything.

00:44:49.135 --> 00:44:51.456
All I got to do is YouTube it and there's a video out there.

00:44:51.456 --> 00:44:55.284
I mean, literally, you can ask me anything.

00:44:55.284 --> 00:44:56.527
Give me a minute or two and I'll get you the answer.

00:44:56.527 --> 00:45:02.844
But even like you talked about, maybe if it's researching, you know you're like really into web design.

00:45:02.844 --> 00:45:04.789
Well, you teach yourself.

00:45:05.251 --> 00:45:05.492
Yeah.

00:45:05.572 --> 00:45:07.384
You don't have to sign up for some big class.

00:45:07.384 --> 00:45:10.932
Get online and watch some YouTube videos and practice and do it.

00:45:10.932 --> 00:45:19.971
Yeah, I think there's a lot of ways to get outside of your, your own head, like I talked about and explore and kind of see what you're interested in.

00:45:19.971 --> 00:45:27.501
What interests me about what you said is someone like you described yourself and maybe even someone like me.

00:45:27.501 --> 00:45:34.855
It's like maybe you find it's rewarding to teach other people and guide other people.

00:45:35.400 --> 00:45:42.586
I tell people when I talk to them who are really going through something bad and I've been through a lot of bad stuff Let me tell you we won't go there.

00:45:42.586 --> 00:45:48.112
But you know, in my life what I've come to realize is is almost every bad thing I've had to go through.

00:45:48.112 --> 00:45:55.454
I think I had to go through that in order to be able to relate to people and to be able to help them.

00:45:55.454 --> 00:46:01.115
You know it's almost like if you're going to be a benefit to anyone, you have to be on that same level.

00:46:01.115 --> 00:46:03.536
You have to understand what they're going through.

00:46:03.536 --> 00:46:04.996
You know I talk about it.

00:46:04.996 --> 00:46:09.659
You know our magazine not being talking to veterans, we're actually listening to them.

00:46:09.659 --> 00:46:10.762
You got to do that.

00:46:10.762 --> 00:46:12.505
I think I just trailed off.

00:46:13.168 --> 00:46:30.655
I agree with you, though, and I think that's a lot of the point also that is underrated and undervalued as veterans and service members move back into societies, with whatever degrees, depths and sizes of emotional baggage they bring back into the workforce or their spheres of influence neighborhoods.

00:46:30.655 --> 00:46:37.605
Whichever that, the amount of human experience I don't know that there's a statistic for this, I got a D in this in school.

00:46:37.605 --> 00:47:05.163
I don't know that there's a statistic for this.

00:47:05.163 --> 00:47:05.724
I got a D in this in school.

00:47:05.724 --> 00:47:12.864
But whatever the statistic is right the amount of impact we could have when we teach it because we've seen it firsthand, we've been there, we know a thing or two right, and it's the experience that goes a long way.

00:47:12.864 --> 00:47:21.885
And, like you mentioned, Johnny, even if it's not all, firsthand supply, logistics, artillery, right these types of positions aren't necessarily frontline.

00:47:21.885 --> 00:47:25.260
It doesn't matter how many other people you can be an event planner.

00:47:25.840 --> 00:47:29.710
Well, sure, you know what I mean, like you've got to look at what you know.

00:47:29.710 --> 00:47:36.019
What are those core values that someone in logistics or not core values, but core understandings like what are they doing?

00:47:36.019 --> 00:47:39.262
Yeah Well, they're planning, they're routing, they're scheduling.

00:47:39.262 --> 00:47:41.422
You know an event planner has to do that.

00:47:41.422 --> 00:47:42.222
I mean, that's my.

00:47:42.222 --> 00:47:48.445
My thought is you could take your experience and it can be applied to so many different things.

00:47:48.445 --> 00:47:54.889
There's a great company that I can't wait to share with you, Josh, but Offline was built by.

00:47:54.889 --> 00:47:59.210
I think it was four or five service members got together and built this software.

00:47:59.210 --> 00:48:01.112
They told me not to call it AI.

00:48:01.112 --> 00:48:05.132
They said AI has a bad rep, so they call it something else computer, something.

00:48:05.132 --> 00:48:08.514
But literally, here's an example of what this system does.

00:48:08.514 --> 00:48:26.530
They had a client in the Midwest, an employer who worked on the really, really tall utility lines the really tall ones, not the ones you see in residential streets, but those big, big, giant ones and the system matched that job up to paratroopers.

00:48:27.271 --> 00:48:27.512
Why.

00:48:27.632 --> 00:48:28.815
Because paratroopers?

00:48:28.815 --> 00:48:33.740
Well, because they're not afraid of heights, they were used to this and there's some other aspects of their job.

00:48:33.740 --> 00:48:49.251
You know, maybe the equipment they wear and the safety gear and the things like that matched to those people up to that job and it was the perfect example of something you did in the military probably fits a lot more than you think.

00:48:49.721 --> 00:49:05.068
Well, it's based on psychographics at that point, not demographics, and you know, I heard this today sort of as a since we're pretty close to the end here, last piece to sort of close out is that in sales it's not about the hard sell, it's about the heart sell.

00:49:07.061 --> 00:49:23.208
And in my estimation and assessment, it's the same sort of Far East consideration, where your heart is the center of your consciousness, not your brain, and that's how you communicate, that's where, once the facade drops, who you are authentically.

00:49:23.208 --> 00:49:25.300
That's all of those types of things.

00:49:25.300 --> 00:49:53.648
And now it seems like to me I'm hearing more often, almost any industry regardless that that heart line, that realignment of humanity, that talking to people as people, not as a facade or a label or whatever, with some degree of empathy and building some semblance of resonance for the sake of rapport or whatever you're trying to accomplish, makes all the difference In any transaction, in every relationship.

00:49:53.648 --> 00:49:55.864
I think you're spot on, Tony.

00:49:55.864 --> 00:49:58.143
I have one last question for you before we close out, though.

00:49:58.143 --> 00:50:14.503
Yes, All this being said, all the people you've talked to, all the experiences you've had, when you think back on it now, today, you present day, how would you describe the impact that all of those experiences have had on your own sense of self and self-worth.

00:50:15.284 --> 00:50:16.085
Resiliency.

00:50:16.085 --> 00:50:25.190
So it's almost like there's well save a few things that I won't even mention, obviously, but there's not much that could happen to me that I couldn't work through.

00:50:25.190 --> 00:50:35.583
You know, being resilient, I think, is probably the greatest trait that I've acquired through all of this experience of my life.

00:50:35.583 --> 00:50:37.668
Yeah, I just don't get knocked down.

00:50:37.668 --> 00:50:41.713
I've started over, I've gone from zero to here.

00:50:41.713 --> 00:50:52.867
You know, I know they can't see my hands, but, yeah, I think resiliency I'm a very resilient person and I'm hard skinned, like you can't hurt my feelings.

00:50:52.867 --> 00:50:54.981
You can call me names, you can do whatever.

00:50:54.981 --> 00:50:57.246
I don't get my feelings hurt very easily.

00:50:57.365 --> 00:51:04.471
So those are two traits that I've acquired, I imagine often being the new kid had a pretty solid hand in that in the beginning too.

00:51:05.280 --> 00:51:06.304
Yeah, it was hard.

00:51:06.304 --> 00:51:11.572
Yes, Cause I yeah, but yeah, getting over that now you know I kind of owned them.

00:51:11.572 --> 00:51:15.246
I kind of owned all those things the kids called me names about, or whatever, I own them.

00:51:15.567 --> 00:51:16.208
Yeah, it's me.

00:51:16.208 --> 00:51:18.824
That's huge, absolutely Well.

00:51:18.824 --> 00:51:25.068
I appreciate the opportunity, your time, your insight, your experiences, your story yourself.

00:51:25.068 --> 00:51:32.780
So for anybody else that wants to get in touch, wants to hear more, learn more, follow along maybe even with Firewatch Magazine.

00:51:32.780 --> 00:51:33.804
Where do people go?

00:51:33.804 --> 00:51:34.706
What do they do?

00:51:34.706 --> 00:51:35.226
How do they do it?

00:51:35.708 --> 00:51:41.925
So to hear stories, you know, kind of like we talked about today, from other people who are going through these things, go to firewatchmagazine.

00:51:41.925 --> 00:51:45.213
com, subscribe digitally, it's free.

00:51:45.213 --> 00:51:47.039
You know, you can look at all of our issues.

00:51:47.039 --> 00:51:52.172
You could peruse through the articles and I guarantee you you'll find someone you connect with.

00:51:52.172 --> 00:52:03.128
We purposely have a wide array of different contributing writers, because you may be interested in what Kirk talks about, or you know what Derek talks about or whatever.

00:52:03.128 --> 00:52:12.221
But I feel confident that you'll find a connection in there, someone who thinks like you do, someone who maybe has gone through the same challenges as you.

00:52:12.621 --> 00:52:37.382
And one of the things that I'm very proud of with Firewatch is that we find those people who don't have the perfect life and they did have those challenges, but they found a way through and now they're helping other people, whether it's through just volunteer work or, you know, they've started an organization that's addressing a problem that they personally had and you find a lot of resources there and you find things that you didn't know existed, kind of like that networking piece.

00:52:37.382 --> 00:52:40.708
You know you'll find connections in that magazine.

00:52:40.708 --> 00:52:42.731
Yeah, to reach me personally.

00:52:42.731 --> 00:52:45.414
Editor at firewatchmagazinecom.

00:52:45.414 --> 00:52:50.393
You got an idea, a story you want to tell, you want to share, let me know.

00:52:50.393 --> 00:52:52.882
I mean, we're always looking for that in the magazine.

00:52:53.402 --> 00:52:54.987
Yeah, inspiration is a two-way street.

00:52:54.987 --> 00:52:59.103
You definitely don't know where you're going to find it more often than not, or from whom.

00:52:59.103 --> 00:53:01.789
So, yeah, awesome opportunity Again.

00:53:01.789 --> 00:53:06.164
I really appreciate your time and your willingness to just come on the show and talk a little bit to everybody.

00:53:06.867 --> 00:53:07.429
My pleasure.

00:53:07.429 --> 00:53:08.271
Thank you, Josh.

00:53:09.059 --> 00:53:12.396
Tony, thank you for your time and everybody who tuned in to listen to the show.

00:53:12.396 --> 00:53:18.012
Guys, thank you for dropping in, listening, staying with us and getting something out of the conversation.

00:53:18.012 --> 00:53:24.722
If you want to hear more about what Tony's talking about with Firewatch Magazine, depending on the player you're listening to, click see more.

00:53:24.722 --> 00:53:33.007
Click show more and in the dropdown description for this conversation you'll see links to the sites Tony mentioned and, obviously, to Firewatch Magazine.

00:53:33.007 --> 00:53:37.108
Thank you to our show partners and folks.

00:53:37.108 --> 00:53:41.371
Thank you for tuning in and appreciating our value as we all grow through life together.

00:53:41.371 --> 00:53:53.670
To check out our other conversations or even to contribute through feedback, follows, time, money or talent, and to let us know what you think of the show, please leave a review on our website, transactingvaluepodcastcom.

00:53:53.670 --> 00:54:02.291
We also stream new episodes every Monday at 9 am, eastern Standard Time through all of your favorite podcasting platforms like Spotify, iheart and TuneIn.

00:54:03.012 --> 00:54:11.481
You can now hear Transacting Value on Wreaths Across America Radio Eastern Standard Time, wednesdays at 5pm, sundays at noon and Thursdays at 1am.

00:54:11.481 --> 00:54:14.068
Head to wreathsacrossamericaorg.

00:54:14.068 --> 00:54:21.121
Slash transactingvalue to sponsora wreath and remember, honor and teach the value of freedom for future generations.

00:54:21.121 --> 00:54:35.847
On behalf of our team and our global ambassadors, as you all strive to establish clarity and purpose, ensure social tranquility and secure the blessings of liberty or individual sovereignty of character for yourselves and your posterity.

00:54:35.847 --> 00:54:41.483
We will continue instigating self-worth and we'll meet you there Until next time.

00:54:41.483 --> 00:54:43.309
That was Transacting Value.