Balancing Stress and Family in a Police Officer's World

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Welcome to Transacting Value, where we talk about practical applications for personal values when dealing with each other and even within ourselves.

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Where we foster a podcast listening experience that lets you hear the power of a value system for managing burnout, establishing boundaries and finding belonging.

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My name is Josh Porthouse, I'm your host and we are your people.

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This is why values still hold value.

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This is Transacting Value.

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Realistically speaking, I'm not going to change the world.

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But when I go deal with the mom with her kid that's constantly running away and he's getting into trouble and I do actually make a difference with that kid that's constantly running away and he's getting into trouble and I do actually make a difference with that kid that's changing her world today on transacting value.

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What does it mean to gain a sense of self through technology and how do we balance that?

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Now?

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By maintaining a some degree of innocence, because now, whether you're a child or an adult, life is impacting us faster than we're able to perceive.

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And what do we do about it, especially when our own identities are in question?

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Now we're going to find out.

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We've got Chris and Lynn Potts coming on the show and we're going to talk about what that's like in a law enforcement household for Chris as a cop or for Lynn married to one, and what does that mean for their family, for their relationship dynamic and for their kids.

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Stay with us Without further ado.

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I'm Porter, I'm your host, and this is Transacting About you.

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Guys.

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What's up?

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How you doing Pretty good.

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How about you?

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Good, and you know I feel like I say this every conversation, but I really genuinely do mean it, so don't take this as a trivial sort of comment, but I appreciate you taking some time out of your day to come in and talk a little bit.

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I think life gets yeah, it can be, it's really up to you.

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But there's a certain aspect I think the conversations that gets overlooked, and maybe it's me now, as a millennial, as an adult, as a parent, I don't know, maybe it's just me personally, but small talk, I think, carries some weight and it's not just like so how's the weather where you guys live?

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You know what I mean.

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Like it provides a little bit of context, I think, in relationships.

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So let's start there.

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For anybody who's new to the show, by the way, welcome.

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Thanks for tuning in.

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And anybody who's been a continuing listener, thanks for coming back.

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But we're on a video call, all right, and so nobody else can see you guys.

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They're just hearing the audio, figuring out who you are, based on what you say.

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It's kind of like I don't know watching Luchadors or the Avengers or something, right, everybody wearing a mask.

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Like I don't know anything about this person until I hear him talk.

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Yeah, so let's take a couple of minutes.

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You guys just set the tone a little bit for this.

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You know who are you.

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Where are you guys from?

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Like a city, state or something?

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Or where were you born?

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Whatever you like, like what kinds of things have shaped your perspectives?

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on life.

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Yeah, I was born in Mobile, Alabama, but I lived most of my life down here in Florida.

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Yeah, and I've been sheriff's deputy for five years, FTO for about two years now, field training officer.

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I've loved every second of it.

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It's been awesome and, for my values and everything, I think it all just has to do with upbringing and what you were around at the time.

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I mean, I've always loved the idea of being a cop and when I did finally become one, it just, it just all fell into place and I'm very happy that it happened what you got was it my

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turn, yeah, go ahead yeah okay, well, I was born in Buffalo, New York, and then moved to Florida when I was in like the fourth grade, and then met Chris 11 years ago and we've been together 11 yeah, we've been seven years married.

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Wow, congratulations yeah, and now we're here, but yeah yeah, what is what is growing?

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I mean, I'm obviously I'm familiar with Florida, right, because I was born and raised here.

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I was born in Clearwater sort of raised, I guess you could say, in Pasco Lake County and different places around the state, especially before I enlisted.

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It looks different than it does now, the state, I mean.

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But I don't really know anything about Alabama.

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What?

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What is it like growing up?

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What do you guys?

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What is there to do?

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I just pictured like jeeps and mud holes and stuff.

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I don't know yeah.

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so Mobile, Alabama, is an interesting place.

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I actually wasn't there for that long because we moved down to Florida when I was very young I think it was like I was three or something.

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We moved down here, oh okay.

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But man, we went up there probably about 10 years ago for something, and we went to visit Mobile to check the place out and see how it's been.

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So we're driving towards where our house was and then we turn right and we go past the Mobile, coincidentally enough, gas station and I'm looking at the window.

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I'm like, oh, that's a.

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It's a lot of bullet holes on that wall there.

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And then we keep, we keep driving through and go and we find the house and we're looking at it oh, this is great.

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And then there's a, an adult and a bunch of kids in the yard of the house and I don't know what compelled these kids to do this.

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But they started like screaming at us and running towards the car and we're like, oh, that's odd, let's just go now.

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So, yeah, and my parents were telling me this is completely different from what I remember.

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This is crazy.

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I can't believe that it's changed this much since we lived out out here.

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so kids didn't used to do that with strangers.

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Was that?

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Was that not the norm?

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I guess that wasn't the norm back then, but now it is it is wild, though, because there's so many different cultures and and customs.

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So I've, I've, uh deployed I don't know, six or seven times, I think, uh, different places all around the world, and it really is crazy the amount of things I guess for me, the amount of things that I didn't realize were just a Western sort of perspective on life, and how different people actually were, let alone set apart by time.

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Well, one thing parenting is huge.

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Right, as a kid, you don't think about it, you're like yes, obviously that's my mom, she has no other name, it's just mom and these are the rules and that's all.

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It is right, and it's a face value sort of limited engagement thing.

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Now, though, right, like you guys are parents, obviously I'm a parent, and so it's totally different.

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I feel like, for one, the amount of respect has changed.

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You know what I mean.

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Like it doesn't have to be a respect, your elders-ism, but I think there should be some of that, yeah.

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On the other hand, you go to some other places or the stuff you see on TV or movies or books, you read people, you talk to how you raise kids.

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Now it's almost expected that they have cell phones and they're able to play video games and they're able to talk to each other online.

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Are you guys seeing that?

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Are you going through the same stuff?

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oh yeah, absolutely I just talked to a six-year-old for a case, um, I think a couple days ago, and yeah, that kid, he's talking about video games and his, his cell phone and his laptop and I'm like what, what?

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What are you talking about, young man?

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Wow, so, yeah, there's, there's electronics in in their lives, so heavily ingrained now it's crazy and um do you think that takes away?

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About video games and everything.

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The thing that concerns me the most about it is the accessibility to things outside the house.

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What do you mean?

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Like I've had some cases where, like Roblox, youtube, minecraft, all that, all those games and all the stuff that they understand a lot better than we did when we were little kids has a lot bigger of an influence on them.

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And there's some weirdos out there, brother, and they use platforms like minecraft and social media and other games and stuff to do weird stuff and sometimes not directly geared towards kids, but they can run into some weird things and it's it's definitely influencing their behavior, I think are you or were you like in a household growing up that was like anti-grand theft auto?

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so no when, but I got involved in video games, probably like 12, 13.

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So just the fact that they were they're so young now, okay, um, playing video games and going online to play video games is crazy to me.

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So my parents, they weren't really like um against violent video games.

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But uh, there there was a game that I wanted once when I was a kid.

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It's, it was for um, playstation 2.

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It's called crime killer.

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Nice, so it was.

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It was actually a game where you played as a cop and it was a vehicle game.

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But the fact that it had killer in the name, my grandparents because they hadn't they were like no, that's not going to happen.

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That sounds like a violent video game.

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It's not going to happen.

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But yeah, my parents were really like that oh, because they go to the opposite end of the spectrum.

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They were like it's experiential learning, go for it I think the better way to describe it was it's a video game.

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Oh, so yeah, they and um and my dad he was into video games himself so I think that kind of helped a little bit because he, he understood, and he all, obviously he knew me.

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I'm his son, so he understood that I'm not going to play a game where I'm in a cop car shooting at bad guys and think, oh yeah, he's gonna grow up and put machine guns on his car and go attack people.

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You know what I mean yeah.

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So now do you feel the same way?

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It's gonna be okay for your kids to play whatever video games, as long as you sort of nurture the process.

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It's just a game.

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So yeah, as long as I'm involved and I see what it is and if it has an online aspect, heavily monitor that, and not only not because of the game itself, but because of the, the people that could potentially get involved in it.

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You know what I mean.

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Yeah well, because, yeah, we had movies.

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Right, because you're well, actually, both you guys, you're in your late 30s, right, yeah, yeah, okay.

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So, yeah, you know, we had movies, movie theaters.

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Like my kids aren't gonna watch rated R movies because they're not 17 yet, you know.

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Like, well, yeah, actually I'm nine, I'm an adult mom Back off, you know, I think a lot of it is sort of cyclical, it's just a different platform.

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Yeah, yeah, I remember I couldn't get a ticket to go see Matrix Revolutions by myself, or whatever, whatever.

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The second one was, I don't know, ticket to go see Matrix Revolutions by myself, or whatever.

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The second one was I don't know, but whichever, that one was, by myself, sure, yeah, because the rating had jumped up and I wasn't old enough and so I couldn't go see it without an adult.

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So my buddy's mom bought us tickets and she dropped us off.

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Yeah, right, but I feel like that's sort of the same thing now Nobody's really going to movie theaters, but everybody's playing video games.

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Yeah.

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Is it really that different?

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Do you think now, over the last three decades, that you've been, I don't know, alive, I guess, or either of you for that matter, or are we actually in a totally different time?

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I'm wondering if it might have to do with the interactivity.

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So like, for instance, in the Matrix you see people shooting each other and you see people die and whatnot.

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But in the video game realm I don't agree with this.

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This is just what I've observed of other people at work talking about video games and how they influence their kids and whatnot.

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It's the idea of them doing it.

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So now it is someone getting on the keyboard, getting on the controller and actually executing the action of shooting somebody in the face and half of it coming off, that kind of thing.

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So it's like the interactivity of them causing the violence is the kickback I've seen from people.

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All right, folks, sit tight and we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

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That's afvclubcom, the interactivity of them causing the violence is the kickback I've seen from people.

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Well, what are your thoughts about, I guess, dehumanizing, because I have a feeling we're going to come at this from two different perspectives.

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Especially, what did you say, training officer?

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What was the?

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Oh yeah?

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Yeah, field training officer.

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I train other deputies.

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Okay.

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Is that like on a firing range, or does that include?

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oh no, no, it's um, so it how it works generally is there's there's four phases.

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When someone first gets released from, uh, the actual academy, they come out for four phases and and they have a different trainer for each phase and it's it's literally riding two people in a car and, uh, the trainee is doing everything, and the FTO is there to to foster them, learning how to do the job and, uh, you know, catching them before they do something bad.

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Yeah, then, uh, redirecting them towards the correct action, that kind of thing.

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So it's, uh, it's four, it's essentially four months too, of the training in the car with FTO for for, for 12 hours a day learning.

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So 12 hours a day, yeah, yeah, we have 12 hour shifts dude, make that a video game and just yeah, yeah, let's just relax a little bit, take some time off, geez, yeah, we uh, I can't speak for any other branches, but at least in the Marine Corps we sort of mirror the same concept or parallel the same concept.

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We're just not that formal about it, I guess, and we call it left seat, right seat.

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It plays in with our grand analogy, I think, and everybody it's the same sort of idea, where whoever's got more experience and then whoever doesn't have as much experience shadows and swaps tactics and ideas and whatever.

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I think a lot of that is and this is just my observation but I think a lot of that is lacking outside of, let's call it, an industry like law enforcement or the Department of Defense, where you're essentially relying on experiential learning to teach something.

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I mean there's classroom academics to support some of this, because there's a science to the job, but then the art is what I'm referring to, the practical application, the experiential learning to support that with controls, and then, so to speak, the training wheels come off and then you're out I'm assuming patrolling for, you know, two years or a couple of years or whatever, learning the area, doing whatever you guys do and then you're on your own to make your career whatever, whatever you decide for it to be Like.

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I feel like we should be able to do that as parents with kids.

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Am I off the mark here?

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Shouldn't it be a similar model?

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Or is it the same model and I'm just ignorant?

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I don't know.

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It's not a little like training, like parent training.

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No, I mean like as parents filling that role but for our kids, not necessarily supplanting it with video games or any of that kind of stuff, I think.

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But you know experientially like it's okay to go out and get hurt and just go do some stuff.

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Go experiment with what happens when you jump out of a tree or off of a swing or I don't know whatever, and we'll deal with how that works.

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Like you want to play baseball with your brother in the living room, okay, here's the repercussions.

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And then you choose to do with that what you will, and then we're going to learn how to fix a window or whatever.

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You know like, yeah, the risk tolerance, I think, has changed yeah, you know, I I grew up partially that way.

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So my parents got divorced when I was in the third grade and then my mom remarried and we came down to Florida.

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So my biological father was.

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I was very sheltered as a kid so I wasn't allowed to do certain like.

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I wasn't allowed to play video games, because video games was a boy thing.

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So there were.

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I wasn't allowed to have a computer and play computer games.

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I was a boy thing.

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I wasn't allowed to play with cars.

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So I was very sheltered.

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And then when my stepdad came into the picture, it was more of like that type of parenting, like let me coach you that way you could go off on your own type of thing and the difference between the two.

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I obviously I'm still affected by um, how I was raised prior to my stepdad, but I think it should be that way, because then I feel like there are times where Chris will talk about stuff like he did as a kid or whatever, and I'm like, oh, I didn't, I wasn't allowed to do that, I didn't get to do that.

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I was like very protected, very sheltered.

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Us girls me and my sisters were treated very differently than boys.

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So I feel like, when it comes to parenting with us, with our daughter, I feel it's more like that, like have her experience as many things as possible, but also it's different because of the stuff that he's seen in work.

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So it's like now you become hyper aware of all the other bad, bad things that can be happening.

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So it's like, yeah, have them experience life in this nice, safe environment, but still be able to learn their experiences and stuff.

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So I agree and I know that I mean that's the way he was raised, so realigned that way, but I feel like it should be that way.

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It should be like you have where we are, her FTO and then when she could go on her own right yeah, I mean so probably she can go on her own yeah, that's what's up.

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Yeah, so okay, how do we balance that with maintaining some degree of innocence, though?

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How do you pace it?

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Yeah?

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it's hard, it's really hard.

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Even now she's only a year and a half and I'm like every time we turn on YouTube, I I need to know what she's watching on YouTube.

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I need to know what cartoons like, even if it's cartoon, even something that's geared to kids, because I had a job that worked with children that were in difficult situations.

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So I've seen how that can go like he does with adults and I do with children and just the amount of stuff that's out there that can be so dangerous.

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And it gets amplified when you're in that kind of career, right?

00:18:45.221 --> 00:19:10.114
So then all of a sudden, now in your personal life, you start seeing this could be dangerous, that could be dangerous, and so it's hard, like I don't want my anxiety and stress to pass on to her, so it's like I have to be like, oh, it's okay, but then it's it's hard because you catch yourself starting to like panic and have anxiety over certain things, but you don't want her to be like catching on to it, so you don't want to influence our?

00:19:10.153 --> 00:19:21.828
yeah, so it's hard, but he's more sane than I am, so he keeps me balanced when I my anxiety's up here and he's like we're fine, everything's fine.

00:19:21.828 --> 00:19:29.037
But even with YouTube, because I've seen so many things like halfway through a cartoon and then there's like that's not supposed to be there.

00:19:29.037 --> 00:19:46.088
So everything that she watches, everything that she's exposed to, I try to monitor, but without her realizing that I'm like hyper vigilant about certain things, because I don't want her to, I don't want her to be scared of the world, but I also want to keep her safe.

00:19:46.750 --> 00:19:47.271
Yeah, it's weird.

00:19:47.271 --> 00:19:58.534
This is like, actually, maybe it's not weird, maybe that's not the right word, maybe we're developing at exactly the right pace given the amount of tech we have, and I'm misrepresenting this.

00:19:58.534 --> 00:20:37.325
So take this with a knowledge of threat awareness and assessments in an environment to where we can't necessarily pass on longevity strategies, safety, security, shelter, whatever, to future generations because they're receiving it at a pace that's faster than we can process.

00:20:37.325 --> 00:20:42.971
So it's almost like our lessons learned are kind of nullified in some cases, or at least when it comes to a digital environment.

00:20:43.875 --> 00:20:47.444
yeah, so I can definitely see that yeah, so what?

00:20:47.545 --> 00:20:48.446
what do we do about it?

00:20:48.446 --> 00:20:51.472
Like I, did you ever see the Avengers, any of them?

00:20:51.472 --> 00:20:54.705
Yeah, Endgame, specifically either of those.

00:20:54.705 --> 00:20:57.751
Okay, so do you remember?

00:20:57.751 --> 00:21:02.291
Well, I guess maybe I'm just talking to Lynn in this case, then, but so do you watch this?

00:21:02.291 --> 00:21:04.159
Oh well, yeah, no, no me neither.

00:21:04.159 --> 00:21:05.830
Yeah me, neither.

00:21:05.830 --> 00:21:06.455
I saw this.

00:21:06.455 --> 00:21:11.028
Yeah, a friend told me about it, but, um, I'm a superhero I'm used to it already, so yeah.

00:21:12.411 --> 00:21:29.963
So anyways, in end game right, Thanos is a titan, he's a world destroyer and he's trying to change things to better, favor his own perspective on the universe and galaxies and whatever, and he gets this magical stone it's called a reality stone and it allows him to step in and out of different realities or craft them to view different ways for certain people's perspectives.

00:21:29.963 --> 00:21:41.727
And I feel like when it comes to any high stress situation in the moment, you get tunnel vision most people anyways when adrenaline spikes and your pupils and all the science and biomechanics behind it happens.

00:21:41.727 --> 00:21:55.873
But I think when you're exposed to it for an enduring amount of time, I mean longer than the one event, a couple of days, weeks, months, years, whatever applies, an entire 20 years or 30, whatever it is in law enforcement, till you retire maybe.

00:21:55.873 --> 00:21:59.326
But it's tough to come back into something.

00:21:59.326 --> 00:22:02.682
It's like you step back into a reality you haven't seen or been exposed to.

00:22:03.423 --> 00:22:04.705
Everything is different, different.

00:22:04.705 --> 00:22:08.973
Well, like we were talking about when you said going to Mobile, for example, everything is different.

00:22:08.973 --> 00:22:16.393
It just it's not the same world socially, culturally, politically, geographically.

00:22:16.393 --> 00:22:20.384
I mean, there's new roads, there were orchards and trees in some of these places.

00:22:20.384 --> 00:22:24.355
You know, it's like you step back into this new reality?

00:22:24.355 --> 00:22:25.365
How do you?

00:22:25.365 --> 00:22:36.531
Maybe it's every workday, I don't know what you get into, but how do you separate work to come home and not bring home with you to work, or vice versa, like what's the strategy, what works, let alone parenting?

00:22:36.612 --> 00:22:37.595
or anything else I don't know.

00:22:38.305 --> 00:22:54.705
That's a rough one for me because, like so I go to work, I'm stressed at work and never turn it off, they say, and then come home and then sleep for a little bit and then wake up and then you're not never turning it off again, because then you're going into dad mode.

00:22:54.705 --> 00:23:01.748
So it's just constant responsibility and constant tasks to be done both at work and at home.

00:23:01.748 --> 00:23:03.491
So yeah, that is kind of it's.

00:23:03.491 --> 00:23:09.573
It's kind of rough to define the sweet spot where you can have a little bit of relaxation, to just turn your brain off for a moment.

00:23:09.573 --> 00:23:12.207
Well, yeah, I still don't know the solution to that.

00:23:12.227 --> 00:23:35.673
I think because it takes so long to come down from that type of job like when we first got together he had a regular job, normal job, not a high stress job, just a regular job and the difference between then and now, like for him to come down from like regular nine to five stress you know by the time dinner's over and you unwind, like you're back down and you're okay for the night.

00:23:35.673 --> 00:23:49.384
This time, in this type of career, I feel like it it takes him like he doesn't have the opportunity, but it takes him like three, like he doesn't have the opportunity, but it takes him like three, four days to come down.

00:23:49.384 --> 00:24:04.969
And so when he gets the chance to like take time off, or when we had Lucy, he was fortunate enough to take a really good chunk of time for paternity leave and we took leave two weeks before we were expected to have her.

00:24:04.969 --> 00:24:14.676
So that way we had a transition time and it took him like almost that whole first week to finally come down and like the stress come down.

00:24:14.845 --> 00:24:18.736
So I feel like when they don't have that time, you're up, up, up, up.

00:24:18.736 --> 00:24:21.233
Then by the time you start to come down you have to go up again.

00:24:21.233 --> 00:24:36.535
Yeah, so it's yeah, and then you have to balance because you've got work life but then you also have responsibilities at home and so it's hard to your body is just not physically capable of snapping back that quickly when you come from such a high stress job.

00:24:36.535 --> 00:24:40.837
So it's, you're constantly at a struggle and I can see it.

00:24:40.837 --> 00:24:47.642
So he handles it very well and you probably wouldn't know if, like you, just came over to the house you're hanging out.

00:24:47.642 --> 00:24:48.202
You wouldn't know.

00:24:48.202 --> 00:24:52.596
But it's, it does take him a long time to decompress.

00:24:54.145 --> 00:24:56.654
All right, folks sit tight, We'll be right back on Transacting Value.

00:24:58.525 --> 00:25:07.619
Join us for Transacting Value, where we discuss practical applications of personal values, every Monday at 9 am on our website TransactingValuePodcastcom.

00:25:07.619 --> 00:25:13.698
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00:25:16.586 --> 00:25:21.707
He handles it very well and you probably wouldn't know if, like you, just came over to the house you're hanging out.

00:25:21.707 --> 00:25:23.432
You wouldn't know, but it's.

00:25:24.032 --> 00:25:49.559
it does take him a long time to decompress and I imagine your baseline I mean, like the two of you, your baseline prior to being a cop and involved in that career lifestyle, routine, schedules probably there's a marked difference in your guys's relationship too, I'm assuming, because you got to communicate differently and and you understand, I think, each other's triggers better than you probably ever have in the past.

00:25:50.305 --> 00:26:09.307
Yeah, you know, I feel like I have a slight, slight advantage when it comes to other spouses of law enforcement because I worked in a job that just happened to also work closely with law enforcement, work closely with law enforcement.

00:26:09.307 --> 00:26:12.883
So before he got into this career, I had experience with that and I've been out there with them and I've seen them do their job.

00:26:12.883 --> 00:26:17.455
So I feel like like when I talk to other spouses of law enforcement, that they have no experience with it.

00:26:17.455 --> 00:26:38.375
So even just having heard from him in three hours and I'm panicking and I'm not like, I'm like no, it's okay, cause I know what it's like out there, like he's most likely safe, but it's still like no, no, I feel like I have a slight advantage in that aspect because I know what it's like, sort of I've been out there, I've seen it.

00:26:38.375 --> 00:26:46.573
I feel like everybody who does, who's a spouse of law enforcement, should do a ride along, because I feel like it'll clear things up is that possible?

00:26:47.055 --> 00:26:52.086
so most departments have a limit for civilian ride alongs where they can only do like one a year or something.

00:26:52.086 --> 00:26:54.049
But yeah, you can go.

00:26:54.049 --> 00:26:58.628
You could ride with your spouse, obviously, but yeah, you could ride with anybody you can.

00:26:58.628 --> 00:27:02.067
It's just a form that you generally fill out and say, hey, yep, I want to do a civilian ride along.

00:27:02.347 --> 00:27:21.530
Oh well, that's cool I feel like it should be required if you're a spouse or partner of law enforcement, because I feel like a lot of spouses anxieties would probably decrease if they had some type of experience and saw what they do during the day, because it's not feel like in their minds it's the extreme.

00:27:21.590 --> 00:27:23.375
24 7 yeah, you know what I mean.

00:27:23.434 --> 00:27:31.465
It's like vibe I get to from people yeah, but I'm like I know if I don't hear from him in three hours he's probably typing a report, like you know what I mean.

00:27:31.465 --> 00:27:36.478
So I'm not gonna panic, you know, unless it's been a long time where I haven't heard from him.

00:27:36.478 --> 00:27:40.172
But I feel like that gives me a slight advantage.

00:27:40.172 --> 00:27:53.396
So when we're at home and I know that he's been stressed out or he had to go to this call and this call was really stressful, he had to deal with certain things, you know, cause I know some from us talking like what calls he has trouble with?

00:27:53.396 --> 00:28:02.647
So they're difficult, they're emotionally difficult, and so I feel like it helps, it gives me a slight advantage because I'm like I don't like death investigations but I like them at the same time.

00:28:03.588 --> 00:28:05.050
That's one of the calls that she's talking about.

00:28:05.050 --> 00:28:08.615
So I mean like being around a decedent.

00:28:08.615 --> 00:28:25.232
It's very unnatural, it's a weird feeling to be around someone that's deceased, but then again I like the aspect of being there for the family that's still there and doing all the investigative steps as a cop to figure out if it was nefarious or not.

00:28:25.232 --> 00:28:25.835
That kind of thing.

00:28:27.825 --> 00:28:31.413
So it's like we both have to like when he comes home.

00:28:31.473 --> 00:28:34.468
It's like you're both processed, we both yeah, yeah.

00:28:34.607 --> 00:28:44.895
Basically, we both have to transition now from yeah, but how do you I mean, it doesn't have to be that specifically, but any of those types of uncomfortable isms, I guess?

00:28:44.895 --> 00:28:53.407
Uh, you know, especially as couples, that you guys have to work through and you don't know until they happen, like, for example, your first case where that happened right.

00:28:53.407 --> 00:28:59.551
Maybe since then there's been a few, I don't know, but let's say there's been a few and you found strategies that work for you guys.

00:28:59.551 --> 00:29:03.781
But the first time you bottle up and you're like, no, I got to process my own way.

00:29:03.781 --> 00:29:06.053
But what it sounds like is, yeah, today was great, bottle up.

00:29:06.053 --> 00:29:07.215
And you're like, no, I got to process my own way.

00:29:07.236 --> 00:29:08.920
But what it sounds like is, yeah, today was great, thanks, I'm going to bed.

00:29:08.920 --> 00:29:18.028
And then you know, on the other hand, uh, maybe what you're thinking is okay, well, we, we can talk when you're ready to get by, but really in your head you're like, oh, my God, he doesn't love me anymore, you know, or whatever happens.

00:29:18.028 --> 00:29:25.959
And so how do you, how do you learn to communicate like as people, not necessarily as a singular couple, but like as individuals?

00:29:25.959 --> 00:29:27.319
How do you work through stuff like that?

00:29:27.319 --> 00:29:29.583
What's the catalyst to just start talking?

00:29:30.203 --> 00:29:42.416
so I actually remember his very first death call when he came home and was you can tell like obviously he went through something during the day, yeah, and I don't know, lucky for him, I don't.

00:29:42.416 --> 00:29:46.693
I don't know trauma, like I I can deal that kind of stuff.

00:29:46.693 --> 00:29:54.601
So like if he wants to talk to me about a dead person and he saw body parts somewhere, like that doesn't affect me.

00:29:54.601 --> 00:30:00.758
So because I, you know a job that I had, you know I had similar dealings and stuff like that.

00:30:00.758 --> 00:30:10.455
So he knows, I made sure to make sure that he knows that if he does need to talk about something, you know he's not transferring trauma to me, you know.

00:30:10.455 --> 00:30:13.961
But he is very, very careful with what it is that he talks to me about.

00:30:13.961 --> 00:30:16.854
So most of the time it's just very generic.

00:30:16.944 --> 00:30:18.692
You know I had a death call.

00:30:18.692 --> 00:30:20.925
It was hard, you know.

00:30:20.925 --> 00:30:22.613
You know the family was so upset.

00:30:22.613 --> 00:30:28.198
It's very it's always very generic information because he doesn't want to put any trauma on me.

00:30:28.198 --> 00:30:41.349
But on the other hand, it's like if he needs to talk about something, he can talk to me about it and he doesn't have to feel like I'm like oh God, I don't want to hear about that or you need to go find someone else, or like you know whatever.

00:30:41.529 --> 00:30:49.351
So Do you think it might be reliving to communicate through it?

00:30:49.351 --> 00:30:54.890
You know, like the, the moment, the tension, the trauma, whatever you want to qualify this as, but have you ever been in an instance where communicating is okay?

00:30:54.890 --> 00:30:56.192
We've, we've gotten to that point.

00:30:56.192 --> 00:30:59.097
I just don't want to talk about it.

00:30:59.097 --> 00:31:00.308
I don't want to relive that.

00:31:00.308 --> 00:31:03.944
I don't want to go through it again and then, yeah, and you know what.

00:31:03.964 --> 00:31:08.035
And then I just I just don't ask, like he knows here, like I don't want to push anything.

00:31:08.035 --> 00:31:12.829
So you know, if he comes home he's like, oh, I just had a tough call, I'm not going to keep crying, so.

00:31:12.829 --> 00:31:17.773
But then sometimes you know it'd be like the next day, and he's like, oh, I had this tough call, I had to.

00:31:17.773 --> 00:31:42.578
You know him his space.

00:31:42.578 --> 00:31:47.448
And then there's times where I'm like, okay, he's, okay, I can ask him for help to take the trash out.

00:31:47.448 --> 00:31:47.990
You know what I mean.

00:31:47.990 --> 00:31:55.051
Like you have to, you have to be able to read how they're doing, so that I think that's been a big lesson for us.

00:31:55.112 --> 00:32:31.973
Just going through this type of career is like trying to feed off of each other and stuff like that I think we actually got a pretty good rhythm on it now, because I was just while you were talking, cause I have like eight or nine examples of like really, really traumatic calls when I became a cop and, uh, I was just thinking back of when I told her about it, cause I've told her every one of them and I think it's just taken me like man, like like three, four days and then I'll just randomly pop up and be like hey, this is what happened during a, b and c, and then, yeah, yeah yeah, once, once you process a little bit yeah yeah

00:32:32.776 --> 00:32:36.928
having, I guess, an ability to get to know people like that.

00:32:36.928 --> 00:32:49.470
I'm gonna, I guess, call it like, uh, like, like an a-frame, that way both your backs aren't in the mud or you know, and so as you learn to communicate with people like that, I got to reel this back real quick.

00:32:49.470 --> 00:32:58.320
Uh, my son asked me most nights, when we're talking on a video call, to play video games, and so you mentioned Roblox.

00:32:58.320 --> 00:33:14.779
That's primarily our platform of choice, and so we'll play on Roblox whatever games he chooses, generally speaking, and then I just jump in with him and we play it and we talk about whatever happens in the game and the gameplay, or whatever happened during his day, during the gameplay, or my day.

00:33:14.779 --> 00:33:17.512
Sometimes he actually he doesn't care about that, I bring it up sometimes.

00:33:17.512 --> 00:33:18.055
So that's about it.

00:33:18.984 --> 00:33:42.207
But so, you know, as we play some of this stuff, some of these games, rather, I feel like the ability to learn and work through communicating with people is different, like this is face-to-face, which I think is a step up from a phone call without a video, but it's certainly a step down from everybody being in the same room, and so are we losing that?

00:33:42.207 --> 00:33:43.626
Are we losing that ability?

00:33:43.626 --> 00:33:53.153
Do you think people to understand how to best socialize or manage anxieties or read each other better or build some degree of intuition around people socially.

00:33:53.153 --> 00:33:54.753
Is that dissolving?

00:33:54.775 --> 00:34:17.356
noticed that a lot of people struggle in social situations more now than before because you're not used to being around people, and especially younger ones that are just used to being on the tablet and the phone and then the computer and the video games and they're not around people.

00:34:17.806 --> 00:34:29.610
And so the like um, old school way of socializing and like you know how us elder millennials were like crazy old compared to the younger generation, so the way that we communicate is different.

00:34:29.610 --> 00:34:35.405
But also it does help with people who have like anxiety and social situations.

00:34:35.405 --> 00:34:52.375
So I have noticed that sometimes it's easier to talk over text for people instead of face to face or voice to voice, or sometimes it's easier to do a zoom than be in the same room with someone, or sometimes it's easier for other people.

00:34:52.375 --> 00:34:55.268
So I feel like it depends on the person.

00:34:55.268 --> 00:35:14.371
But I feel like it's not necessarily all negative, because I have seen, especially kids, like they can open up when they're watching a movie, when they're playing on their tablet and you can get them talking, or sometimes they'll send a text that maybe they wouldn't be able to say in person, and so I feel like it.

00:35:14.813 --> 00:35:19.989
It does hinder, but I feel like it's not all negative there's even texting 911.

00:35:20.009 --> 00:35:21.652
Now that's actually helped.

00:35:21.652 --> 00:35:33.713
Yeah, in call notes that I've seen when people text for 911 for help because they're just terrified of getting on the phone explaining what's going on yeah, they're not in a position to be able to say something in their voice.

00:35:33.773 --> 00:35:48.793
Yeah, so well, yeah, I mean convenience aspect, you know, or a practical aspect, but but as people I mean, is that, are we losing something there, or I think you need to have the balance, though, Like there needs to be balance still.

00:35:48.864 --> 00:35:55.389
Like we still, even though she's only my daughter is only a year and a half we still bring her out to the parks to, you know, be with other children.

00:35:55.389 --> 00:35:57.512
We still go to family events.

00:35:57.512 --> 00:36:00.385
We still bring her to restaurants, Like you know what I mean.

00:36:00.385 --> 00:36:10.621
Like you still need the people to people so you can know how to communicate with people or watch, how you guys communicate with people exactly so, you know, when we're somewhere.

00:36:11.123 --> 00:36:20.472
That's why I like to go places also with my parents too, because anywhere we are, she's watching everybody around her, so she's not just around kids and she's also around adults.

00:36:20.472 --> 00:36:21.996
She's going to start picking up other things.

00:36:21.996 --> 00:36:23.809
So I think that's where it can.

00:36:23.809 --> 00:36:26.074
You can get into trouble and just being.

00:36:26.074 --> 00:36:28.552
You know how they always say screen time is bad and stuff.

00:36:28.552 --> 00:36:32.206
Just being in front of the screen is gonna hinder you.

00:36:32.206 --> 00:36:43.476
But if you have the balance, then I think you know sometimes it can be helpful, because I have noticed even people our age that are maybe a little bit shyer and quieter.

00:36:43.476 --> 00:36:45.768
I've gotten like friends of mine.

00:36:45.768 --> 00:36:52.871
They have trouble saying things, but they'll text me and it'll be like private, emotional, like you know, or even sometimes it's an apology.

00:36:52.871 --> 00:36:58.391
It's really hard for people to get out, but texting is easier for people to communicate that way.

00:36:58.391 --> 00:37:00.452
But you still have to be around.

00:37:00.452 --> 00:37:05.130
You still got to expose kids to the other things other than the tablet.

00:37:05.130 --> 00:37:07.016
All right, folks stay tight.

00:37:11.257 --> 00:37:12.945
And we'll be right back on Transacting Value.

00:37:12.945 --> 00:37:16.521
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00:37:16.521 --> 00:37:24.784
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00:37:24.784 --> 00:37:33.715
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00:37:34.585 --> 00:37:44.692
Learn more at vagov slash disability texting is easier for people to communicate that way, but you still have to be around.

00:37:44.692 --> 00:37:49.351
You still got to expose kids to the other things other than the tablet.

00:37:49.960 --> 00:37:54.351
I think that's just that aspect I mean of intentional what would you call it?

00:37:54.351 --> 00:37:55.360
Intentional distancing.

00:37:55.360 --> 00:38:04.568
I guess to give yourself time to process at a pace you're comfortable with or for whatever other reason maybe helps or can help a lot.

00:38:04.568 --> 00:38:16.108
But I think what it comes down to, like you said, is what you're exposed to as you grow up, the preferences, maybe, the cultures you've grown into, whichever, and so I'm curious about some of yours.

00:38:16.108 --> 00:38:18.547
So this is a segment of the show called Developing.

00:38:18.586 --> 00:38:19.389
Character.

00:38:19.628 --> 00:38:20.672
Developing Character.

00:38:20.672 --> 00:38:21.885
Now, this is two questions.

00:38:21.885 --> 00:38:24.641
Either of you can answer either or both, it's up to you.

00:38:24.641 --> 00:38:33.574
But my first question is what were some of the values then that you guys were raised around or exposed to that you think really did something for you?

00:38:34.420 --> 00:38:42.213
So my dad told me that he wanted to be a cop but his parents wouldn't let him because they thought it was too dangerous.

00:38:42.213 --> 00:38:46.903
Parents wouldn't let him because they thought it was too dangerous.

00:38:46.903 --> 00:38:52.141
So, um, my dad has always had a respect for for cops and, uh, respecting the field in general, I guess you can say so.

00:38:52.141 --> 00:39:02.365
He he always passed that on to me and, uh, I've always wanted to be a cop and I think that had a lot to do with it because of my thing like two, two complete different opposite opposites.

00:39:02.365 --> 00:39:08.476
I, when I was a little kid, I always wanted to get into game design in some aspect or be a cop.

00:39:08.476 --> 00:39:15.648
So we know which way that went yeah so, but that's also like something else about.

00:39:16.010 --> 00:39:25.614
I know this is a tangent, but something else about law enforcement is I think it's important to have de-stressors, so so I still play video games a lot to this day.

00:39:25.614 --> 00:39:30.626
That's one of my de-stressors I also use as a hobby.

00:39:30.626 --> 00:39:36.351
I do game design type stuff, so that helps me work through being a cop a lot.

00:39:36.351 --> 00:39:48.271
But yeah, back to what you said, it's definitely my dad's influence of being respectful towards law enforcement and treating it as a good thing is what really affected me, I think.

00:39:49.581 --> 00:40:01.213
Yeah, and I just really grew up with like family is like number one, right, like everything else comes second, family is number one and you're always there for your people and you know friends that you consider family and stuff like that.

00:40:01.213 --> 00:40:09.148
So I'm, I know that that's shaped the way that I am as an adult now and family's always been number one and will always be number one.

00:40:09.148 --> 00:40:31.429
And then it's important to make sure that I'm supporting Chris in any way that he needs to so that if he, you know, whatever happens, happens, but like I'm not going anywhere type thing, and like whatever you need, if you need a break, if you need time, or if you just need time or if you just need to be quiet or if you need to be with your computer and stuff like that it was always just making sure your family is cared for.

00:40:31.429 --> 00:40:33.065
So that was a big one for me growing up.

00:40:33.900 --> 00:40:39.867
And then I have um, I have a really strong drive for teaching, but I honestly have no idea where that came from.

00:40:41.940 --> 00:40:47.891
I think this is natural for you, yeah because even when I was a kid I was a police Explorer.

00:40:47.891 --> 00:40:54.030
Police Explorer, yeah, it's basically like a law enforcement-based Boy Scout.

00:40:54.030 --> 00:41:05.588
Oh yeah, it's actually with Boy Scouts of America and everything it's ran by the department that the post is based in, so like, say, for instance, the Tampa Police.

00:41:05.588 --> 00:41:12.311
The post is based in so like, say, for instance, the Tampa police explorer post, the Pinellas county Police Explorers group, that kind of thing you're how old when you do that?

00:41:12.880 --> 00:41:18.672
don't quote me, but I think it's like 14 to 21 oh you age out of the program at 21.

00:41:19.293 --> 00:41:23.027
But, um, I rose through the ranks of that that the kids could have.

00:41:23.027 --> 00:41:31.887
You know, I was the post major and I I loved teaching all the yarn kids back then and then, as an FTO, I love this job very, very much.

00:41:31.887 --> 00:41:35.909
Like I got, I did experience a little bit of burnout before I became an FTO.

00:41:35.909 --> 00:41:44.445
But when I became so, two things I had a crappy little car when I was a patrol deputy and they gave me a nice luxurious Tahoe.

00:41:44.445 --> 00:41:45.449
I call it my battle bus.

00:41:45.449 --> 00:41:52.108
And then I became an FTO right about the same time and oh man, that like that rejuvenated me instantly.

00:41:52.108 --> 00:41:55.429
I just love teaching people how to do the job.

00:41:55.429 --> 00:42:00.987
So yeah, I guess you can say that just kind of came naturally, but I've always liked it, even when I was younger.

00:42:01.639 --> 00:42:01.880
So well.

00:42:01.880 --> 00:42:03.023
So what do you think about now?

00:42:03.023 --> 00:42:19.744
I mean, after all those experiences and all those decades of time and exposure to any number of things, what are some values now that you guys are standing on, if anything's changed or, in addition, that you guys think maybe you've crafted individually or together into your household or something, anything different?

00:42:20.364 --> 00:42:21.487
No, not for me.

00:42:21.487 --> 00:42:22.590
Family's still number one.

00:42:22.590 --> 00:42:25.693
But I will say that you know a lot of people want to.

00:42:25.693 --> 00:42:33.775
You know, rise the corporate ladder and the job is the number one and they want to do this and I've never had any interest in that and I was always for me.

00:42:33.775 --> 00:42:37.775
But growing up that was seen as like the outcast, which is weird, because in my family it's opposite.

00:42:37.775 --> 00:42:55.827
It's like your job is just to make money so you can enjoy life, so you can be with family, so you can do all these things Right.

00:42:55.827 --> 00:43:03.710
So that's still how I am today, Because I just that's just not something that was for me.

00:43:03.710 --> 00:43:07.445
You know, it's just not something that that was not my number one growing up.

00:43:07.445 --> 00:43:10.481
So I feel like that affected how I approach things.

00:43:10.481 --> 00:43:13.650
So that is something that I still.

00:43:14.452 --> 00:43:20.786
I think it's important that at least I pass a little bit on to our daughter, because I don't.

00:43:20.786 --> 00:43:23.391
I don't want her to get so stressed out.

00:43:23.391 --> 00:43:25.474
I don't know what life is going to be like when she's an adult, like things are changing so quickly, so I don't want her to get so stressed out.

00:43:25.474 --> 00:43:25.909
I don't know what life is going to be like when she's an adult.

00:43:25.909 --> 00:43:28.068
Things are changing so quickly.

00:43:28.068 --> 00:43:34.829
So I don't even know how to prepare her to be an adult because I don't know what world she's going to be going into.

00:43:34.829 --> 00:43:40.070
I have no idea right, look how much has changed since, just in the past 10 years.

00:43:40.070 --> 00:43:42.525
So I don't want her, if she does happen, to take after me with that.

00:43:42.525 --> 00:43:45.896
I don't want her, if she is does happen, to take after me with that.

00:43:45.896 --> 00:43:47.661
I don't want her to be so stressed out.

00:43:47.661 --> 00:43:57.402
You know I gotta go to college, I gotta find a career, I gotta do this and then be so lost in life where she's like I don't know what to do, because that's how I was, so I feel like instilling.

00:43:57.402 --> 00:44:02.601
You know, like I would take her to the beach, you may take her to the park, like go enjoy life.

00:44:02.601 --> 00:44:03.563
You know like this is.

00:44:03.563 --> 00:44:06.047
You know life is just work.

00:44:06.047 --> 00:44:16.472
You got to make sure that there's other things, and so I took family being number one growing up and kind of took, you know, change that to fit my adult life now.

00:44:16.552 --> 00:44:17.052
So it's like.

00:44:17.052 --> 00:44:28.032
You know I want to make sure that she doesn't get so caught up in like what your purpose in life is, cause not everybody, not everybody's purpose is what their career is Right.

00:44:28.032 --> 00:44:37.068
At least that's how I felt for me but I always felt like the odd one out, you know, in school and with everybody, cause everybody else was like, oh, and they knew exactly what they wanted to be when they grew up.

00:44:37.068 --> 00:44:42.032
But what I want to be when I grew up never had anything to do with jobs.

00:44:42.032 --> 00:44:47.460
It had to do with like.

00:44:47.460 --> 00:44:48.905
It had to do with like as a person, like who you want to be, yeah, yeah.

00:44:48.925 --> 00:44:56.065
So I, I want to keep that value and pass that on, so that way she, she knows, you know, it's whatever it is that you want to do as an adult.

00:44:56.065 --> 00:44:58.489
You know, don't just make sure you're happy.

00:44:58.489 --> 00:45:05.367
You know, don't don't try to fit certain molds, like if she wants to grow up and go into law enforcement, let's do it Right.

00:45:05.367 --> 00:45:14.327
But if she's like I don't know what I want to be at 25 years old, like I don't know what I want to do, that's okay, it's okay and I feel like we didn't have that growing up.

00:45:14.327 --> 00:45:19.126
So that's something that I that has not changed with me and I hope she learns.

00:45:19.306 --> 00:45:24.411
I feel like when we were kids, kids, they, oh god, everybody, everybody in existence, pushed hey, go to college.

00:45:24.610 --> 00:45:41.931
Yeah, yeah, because you go to college after high school, I mean that's the reason why it took me a little while to be a cop, because, uh, so the only reason that I'm even a cop now is because of Lynn, because I tried to go to college when I was 18 and I just I thought, oh well crap, I gotta go to college.

00:45:41.931 --> 00:45:43.641
My parents always said, go to college, go to college.

00:45:43.641 --> 00:45:51.409
And uh, eventually the money ran out and I couldn't go to college anymore and by then I was like 24-ish.

00:45:51.409 --> 00:45:54.809
And then I kept thinking like, oh well crap, I'm too old to be a cop now.

00:45:54.809 --> 00:45:58.650
And then she's like, well, no, just go be a cop.

00:45:58.650 --> 00:46:00.606
And I was like, all right, I guess I'll try.

00:46:00.606 --> 00:46:11.976
And then, sure thing, like in my Academy, there was a 56 year old man in my Academy and he passed and he did everything and he's working for us, so good on now.

00:46:11.996 --> 00:46:13.603
Now that I think back on it, I thought it was silly.

00:46:13.603 --> 00:46:21.121
But, man, like, back then I I hated that I wasn't a cop and that I was just going through life without any purpose.

00:46:21.121 --> 00:46:38.112
And yeah, I think, um, funny enough, becoming a family, it made me more family oriented because, uh, yeah, I have my job and I'm happy and but I mean, I'm not, I'm not in for the money, obviously, but uh, but I'm happy and I come home and I'm happy with my family life.

00:46:38.112 --> 00:46:42.028
So because, uh, back then I I wasn't too family oriented.

00:46:42.028 --> 00:46:46.190
It was, it was one of those aspects of like, if I have a family, cool if not.

00:46:46.190 --> 00:46:51.409
But now that I have a family, there's no way I would, I would be happy without one.

00:46:51.610 --> 00:46:53.101
So Good answer.

00:46:53.101 --> 00:47:00.547
That's a solid answer, yeah, but I totally agree with you, man, it really does put things into perspective.

00:47:00.547 --> 00:47:12.393
And what's cool I think I don't know, maybe unwittingly, but that you both brought up, was that it was your own self-awareness that got you to a degree of fulfillment.

00:47:12.393 --> 00:47:30.126
Now you know, and once you started to identify again maybe unwittingly, I don't know, but once you started to identify you as an individual and not you as an identity based on your biases or somebody else's injections of what you should or shouldn't have.

00:47:30.807 --> 00:47:37.132
And now I'm also going to couch that point by saying there's got to be a certain degree of compromise.

00:47:37.132 --> 00:47:48.387
Like I may want to be a pole dancer, but I'm not going to do it at church or in a Walmart parking lot to try to get clients or like, but I'm not going to do it at church or in a Walmart parking lot to try to get clients or like you know, like that's not the place or the time.

00:47:48.387 --> 00:48:19.007
And I think once you're able to have a little bit of insight into how the you you're comfortable with can fit into a society where you're comfortable living, I think that's when you really start to find some degree of contentment and an actual worth that you're deriving from your own internal controls, which is which is pretty powerful, and so this is really my last question, I guess for the sake of time but how have all of these experiences actually contributed, then, to your own senses of self and self-worth?

00:48:19.751 --> 00:48:23.280
oh, wow, yeah, listen, this is almost 40 years of experience.

00:48:23.280 --> 00:48:26.199
Like it it's not anything that happens overnight.

00:48:26.199 --> 00:48:35.070
Right, like it takes a while to find your place in society and like making sure that you're happy but that you're also contributing.

00:48:35.070 --> 00:48:40.583
Right, like you you're still doing stuff, you're still with society, but you're not compromising anything with them.

00:48:40.583 --> 00:48:46.802
But it's once you get to that point, then you, I feel like life just becomes so much clearer.

00:48:46.802 --> 00:48:48.166
You know, I mean so.

00:48:48.166 --> 00:49:00.909
I mean it's not until recently, when we both I feel like we both got into this place where it's like we finally feel like there's some balance and some, you know, it's even we're not struggling over here, we're not struggling over there.

00:49:00.909 --> 00:49:07.947
Like I feel like we're just you stop caring about what other people think you know, and you're just like what really makes you happy.

00:49:07.947 --> 00:49:09.030
That's, I feel like.

00:49:09.030 --> 00:49:13.487
When you get to that point, then it's like you're good to go yeah, powerful, yeah, what?

00:49:14.088 --> 00:49:17.222
what you just said made me finalize my answer.

00:49:17.222 --> 00:49:26.094
So, not caring what others think, so when I first was in academy, they'd always ask you, like all the instructors.

00:49:26.094 --> 00:49:28.242
They'd ask you oh well, why do you want to be a cop?

00:49:28.242 --> 00:49:37.351
And uh, you know, everybody says the typical answers of wanting to put bad guys in jail, wanting to chase cars, wanting to be canine, want to do all this crap.

00:49:37.351 --> 00:49:59.507
But my answer generally was just that I wanted to change the world, and I used to never say it out loud at Academy because I know that everyone else would not respect that because, oh, it's a good old boys thing where, oh yeah, you just want to do cool cop stuff, and so I'd just be like, yeah, I just want to go arrest bad guys.

00:50:00.661 --> 00:50:27.019
But as I got out of Academy and started doing the job and don't misconstrue this, being a cop is like 20% chasing bad guys the majority of it is actually going to welfare checks, going to help people that are in mental crisis, going to try and get in between people to level things out and make people's lives tolerable for for each other.

00:50:27.019 --> 00:50:38.150
You know what I mean be the middleman kind of once I started seeing that and I I really started enjoying the fact that it's generally, I am generally changing worlds.

00:50:38.150 --> 00:50:39.820
So I modified my statement.

00:50:39.820 --> 00:50:44.646
So now my, the way I describe it is I want to change people's worlds.

00:50:44.646 --> 00:50:51.034
Because, yeah, realistically speaking, I'm not going to change the world being a patrol deputy doing my thing out there.

00:50:51.034 --> 00:51:02.757
But when I go deal with the mom, with her kid that's constantly running away and he's getting into trouble and I do actually make a difference with that kid.

00:51:02.757 --> 00:51:06.958
That changing her world that's changing that kid's world.

00:51:06.958 --> 00:51:11.983
And then it really is changing my world because I'm doing what I want to do and change things.

00:51:12.664 --> 00:51:24.306
So, uh, I really like that aspect of the job and once I realized that I think that's when, um, I finally started getting my stride and actually not panicking at my job.

00:51:24.306 --> 00:51:32.673
And whenever I get trainees and I cause I always do that same thing I always ask my training so what made you want to be a cop?

00:51:32.673 --> 00:51:45.039
And if one of them comes out and flat out says, yeah, I want to make a difference, because I could see it on his face, I'll look over at him and he'll be looking at me waiting for my response.

00:51:45.039 --> 00:51:47.961
I can see on his face that he's like he's about to make fun of me, and then I'll look at him and be like you know what?

00:51:47.961 --> 00:51:48.012
Hell?

00:51:48.012 --> 00:51:52.023
Yeah, bro, we're going to, we're going to figure out how to change the world, see, so?

00:51:52.043 --> 00:51:55.050
that's one of my that's one of my favorite aspects of it.

00:51:55.902 --> 00:51:58.891
So nice and you said you didn't know what a reality stone was.

00:51:58.891 --> 00:52:08.244
Man, look at that full circle, all right.

00:52:08.244 --> 00:52:10.677
So saying that, though, guys, again, uh, I do appreciate you taking some time out of your evening so we can sit down and talk.

00:52:10.677 --> 00:52:14.952
There's a lot of things that we do cover on this show and, frankly, being a cop is not one of them.

00:52:14.952 --> 00:52:15.653
It just doesn't.

00:52:16.036 --> 00:52:20.289
We have had cops come on the show and then they've retired decades ago.

00:52:20.289 --> 00:52:32.403
We have plenty of service members who listen to the show on wreaths across america radio or anywhere else to listen to transacting value, that get out after four to eight years or whatever in the dod and then become cops.

00:52:32.403 --> 00:52:48.574
But I don't think we have had any cops come on the show and certainly haven't had any cops with a sphere of influence like the two of you guys in a conversation, and so it's such a cool perspective that you guys are able to bring to the show and, obviously, for our listeners.

00:52:48.574 --> 00:52:50.461
So, genuinely, I really do appreciate your time.

00:52:50.461 --> 00:52:52.385
Thanks, I appreciate it.

00:52:52.385 --> 00:53:07.081
Yeah, saying that for anybody else who wants to look into any resources or anything that you guys have found to actually be a help for you movies, books, I don't know what you guys have, anything you want to recommend parting words.

00:53:07.842 --> 00:53:12.032
Yes, I have a book called Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement.

00:53:12.032 --> 00:53:14.284
It's a guide for officers and their families.

00:53:14.284 --> 00:53:19.237
It's actually a book that gets just where Chris works.

00:53:19.237 --> 00:53:20.722
They actually assign this out.

00:53:20.722 --> 00:53:28.907
It's great for law enforcement enforcement because it kind of breaks down the changes you go through when you're like a rookie cop to a veteran cop.

00:53:28.907 --> 00:53:43.704
But I feel like it's really great as someone who is a spouse or a family member because it kind of brings you into their world and what they're experiencing, because you know cops don't really talk about it Like they're very, they keep it to themselves.

00:53:43.784 --> 00:53:58.534
So it's a great book if, if anybody has law enforcement in their family close friends, spouses and stuff like that um, it kind of breaks down the changes that they go through over the years and how to help them.

00:53:58.534 --> 00:54:02.807
You know in in how to be there for them and how to support them.

00:54:02.807 --> 00:54:05.494
Because it's not your average career.

00:54:05.494 --> 00:54:25.570
It's a great book because it really does kind of give you the like, the behind the scenes look of what they go through when they don't want to talk about it and, um, what you can do, because you know being in law enforcement it's not a typical career, it's not a corporate job, it's not a nine to five, and so it's different when they come home, you know.

00:54:25.570 --> 00:54:31.442
But I think it's really also good for other first responders to you know, just general first responders.

00:54:31.442 --> 00:54:37.661
I'm like being high, high stress all the time and how to support them as a family member or a spouse.

00:54:37.661 --> 00:54:39.585
So I recommend this book.

00:54:40.347 --> 00:54:41.670
Yeah, I appreciate it.

00:54:41.670 --> 00:55:17.652
I think, next to that, families and communicating with people in positions like yours, if there were something that was like I know you just turned 18 or I know you just turned 22 and I know you just joined the DOD, but like this is who your family views you, as type version of the same thing for law enforcement, for somebody, say, just getting out of the academy to say here's a book that says here's what everybody actually thinks about you and your family right now, and then so you can also learn how to better communicate with other people, I think that the reciprocal of that book is what I'm getting at would be, would be kind of need to.

00:55:17.652 --> 00:55:21.985
Oh yeah, but I don't know what do I know it's just broadcast media.

00:55:21.985 --> 00:55:24.628
But so, anyway, guys, again I appreciate it.

00:55:24.628 --> 00:55:29.076
And you said that was called Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement and their Families.

00:55:29.076 --> 00:55:30.101
Did I get that right?

00:55:30.242 --> 00:55:32.347
Yeah, a guide for officers and their families.

00:55:32.347 --> 00:55:33.411
I can text you a picture.

00:55:33.719 --> 00:55:39.440
OK, yeah, perfect, yeah, we'll have links to the book and obviously this conversation once it goes up.

00:55:39.440 --> 00:55:53.983
Depending on whatever platform you're listening to this on, if you click see more, if you click show more, you'll get a dropdown description for this conversation and that's where you'll be able to find that book link and probably a backlink to Amazon or wherever we're able to look at, to link it to.

00:55:53.983 --> 00:56:00.762
But saying that, guys, yeah, again, I appreciate your time, I appreciate the conversation and, obviously, the insight.

00:56:00.762 --> 00:56:05.913
I don't know how you expected this to go, but I thought it went pretty well and uh yeah.

00:56:05.972 --> 00:56:08.257
Yeah, so, uh, so, yeah.

00:56:08.257 --> 00:56:10.402
So thanks for your time and then, obviously, to everybody listening.

00:56:10.402 --> 00:56:20.807
Thank you guys for tuning in and listening to the conversation, staying with us through the conversation and then all the rest of the ones that we've hosted so far this year in what is now season five of the podcast.

00:56:20.807 --> 00:56:24.293
For everybody who's a continuing listener, welcome back to transacting value.

00:56:24.293 --> 00:56:35.166
I hope you guys are still getting the same content and quality of content that you've been anticipating and expecting to get every Monday at 9 am, as we're releasing new conversations on our website, transactingvaluepodcastcom.

00:56:35.166 --> 00:56:41.663
And don't forget, you guys can tune in on Wreaths Across America Radio and you can listen to our conversations there as well.

00:56:41.663 --> 00:56:48.409
That's three times a week, 12 times a month, in addition to what we already got on the website and then Podcast Radio US.

00:56:49.210 --> 00:56:51.652
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00:56:51.652 --> 00:56:59.128
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00:56:59.128 --> 00:57:23.195
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00:57:23.195 --> 00:57:33.835
com send messages We stream new episodes every Monday at 9 am Eastern Standard Time through all of your favorite podcasting platforms and we'll meet you there.

00:57:33.835 --> 00:57:35.221
Until next time.

00:57:35.221 --> 00:57:37.148
That was Transacting Value.